Listen to Your Heart
by WritingHealstheHeart
Summary: This story follows the relationship between Spencer and Carter (OC) - an emotional roller coaster that threatens their relationship at every turn *Formally known as Full of SuSpence*
1. The Wedding

It was a warm summer day. The air outside was stale and the sun was beating relentlessly on the town. Dr. Spencer Reid walked into the office carrying his brown satchel, sweat already apparent on his forehead. When he reached his desk, he tossed his bag on the floor and dropped into his chair.

Not five minutes later, Emily Prentiss arrived at her desk. She placed her things down and wiped the sweat from her face. Her hair was up in a tight ponytail and she wore a royal blue tank top beneath the white blazer she was peeling off now.

"Good Lord it's hot out," she said fanning herself with a sheet of paper.

Spencer nodded his agreement.

"So, did you have a good weekend or what was left of it?" she asked.

"Yea. You?" he asked as he flipped a folder open.

"Well I slept and then I ate. Then I slept and to break it up a little, I slept," she grinned.

Spencer chuckled before going back to his paperwork. After a moment of silence, he turned his attention back to Emily.

"So, I got a weird invitation in the mail," he said digging into his satchel.

He pulled an envelope out and passed it over to Emily. She pulled the card out and started reading. Her face lit up with surprise.

"Wow, Lila Archer is getting married and she invited you," she said incredulously. "Are you gonna go?"

Spencer shrugged and Emily noticed his awkwardness.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yea, I mean it's been a long time since we dated. We still talk every once in a while. I'm just surprised she invited me. Why would she invite me?" he asked.

"Spence, you saved her life. That's a connection that can never be broken," Emily explained.

"But we all saved her. It wasn't just me," he protested.

"From what I was told, you were the one who ultimately subdued the unsub. So, in her eyes, you are the only one who counts," she said.

Spencer was so deep in thought, he hadn't even noticed that Derek Morgan had arrived and was walking toward them.

"Good morning," Derek said as he strutted into the room. "How are my fine friends this lovely day?"

"Whoa," Emily laughed. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean? Can't I just say good morning to my friends without being questioned?" he said with feigned shock.

"Yea, that would be a no," Emily said teasingly. "Spill Morgan. What caused this pep in your step?"

"Well if you must pry, I had a date last night with a gorgeous woman and it was amazing," he said smiling.

"Don't you always have a date?" Spencer asked.

Emily laughed as Derek shot him a look.

"No, I don't always have a date smart guy. I liked it better when you didn't understand sarcasm," Derek said.

Spencer chuckled and shrugged.

"So, how was she? On a scale of 1 to 10?" Emily asked.

"A gentleman never kisses and tells," Derek said.

"First of all, since when are you a gentleman? Second, I want the bedroom details not the kisses," she said.

"Emily!" Spencer said surprised.

"Hey, it's been a long time for me. I need to live vicariously through others," she said unashamed.

"Woman, you are crazy," Derek laughed as he rolled his eyes.

As he walked off towards the opposite side of the office, he threw his hands in the air and held up all ten fingers. Emily laughed and clapped her hands as Spencer shook his head.

(xxxxx)

As Spencer worked feverishly on his paperwork before him, he was startled when J.J. appeared next to his desk, causing him to jump.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"It's ok. I guess I was really focused," he said.

He rubbed his eyes and placed his pen down, before leaning back in his chair to focus on J.J.

"So, what's this I hear about you being invited to Lila Archer's wedding?" she asked.

Spencer shot Emily a dirty look.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

He sighed and looked back at J.J.

"Yes, I was invited and no I'm not going," he said.

"Why? I think it would be good for you," J.J. said.

"Why would it be good for me?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"Spence, you have sheltered yourself a lot since …" she trailed off at the memory of his previous girlfriend, Maeve's death.

Spencer winced. He still hurt deeply from that loss and it had been nearly a year. J.J. placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I know you care about her and she cares about you. The reason I know this is because she texts me every few months to make sure you are doing alright," J.J. explained. "She invited you to her wedding and that is a big deal. You don't invite just anyone to your wedding."

Spencer looked down at his shoes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"At least think about it," she softly urged him before walking away.

(xxxxx)

Later that night, Spencer sat at his desk at home staring at the invitation. He ran his fingers through his short stringy hair as he debated with himself internally. Finally, he used his pen to check yes and wrote the number 3 for attending.

(xxxxx)

Three months later, Spencer walked into the reception hall of a ritzy ballroom in Los Angeles, California. He looked around at the ice sculptures and the string of lights that decorated the room. Everything was decorated to the nines and beyond.

Spencer followed nervously behind Derek as they headed toward their assigned table. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently. He glanced at J.J. who gave him a comforting smile. They took their seats and settled in to enjoy their evening.

An hour later while Derek and J.J. chatted with people at their table, Spencer felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around to see Lila standing behind him with a big smile on her face.

"Spencer," she said happily.

"Lila, you look beautiful," he said standing up to give her a hug.

"Thank you. I see you cut your hair. It looks great," she said wrapping her arms around his neck. "Spencer this is my husband, Roberto. Roberto, this is the man who saved my life."

"Dr. Reid, it's an honor," the man, with the stunning tan skin and a thick Spanish accent, said.

"Uh, it wasn't just me. My team helped," Spencer said as he gestured to J.J. and Derek.

"He's just being modest," Lila said. "Anyway, I am so glad you decided to come. I hope you are having a good time. Save a dance for me, ok?"

Spencer went to object, but she'd already moved on to hug and greet Derek and J.J. Spencer decided to take this moment and get himself something to drink. He approached the bar and placed his order. While he waited he saw a pretty girl walking towards him. Their eyes connected for a moment, quickening his pulse before he turned away.

A moment later, she leaned against the counter beside him. She glanced his way and smiled. He recognized her as the maid of honor. She had long brown hair that cascaded down her back below her shoulder blades. She wore a baby blue dress that laid perfectly over her body. The thin flowing fabric made her look angelic when she walked in it.

"Having fun?" she asked loudly due to the music.

"Yea," Spencer nodded. "You?"

"Yea," she smiled. "You with the bride or groom?"

"The bride," he replied as he took his drink from the bartender.

"I'm Carter," she said extending her hand to him.

He looked at her hand for a moment before reaching out and shaking it. Her hand was soft and warm.

"Uh, Spencer," he said shyly.

"Wait, are you the FBI Spencer?" she asked turning to face him better.

"Uh, yea," he said as his cheeks turned a shade of pink.

He took a sip of his drink and looked down at his feet.

"Well, it's nice to finally put a face with the name. Lila talked about you all the time after you saved her life," Carter said.

"Ma'am?" the bartender interrupted.

"Oh, sorry. I'll have a rum and coke, please," she said before turning back to Spencer. "So, are you enjoying your visit to LA?"

"I'm not really visiting. I just came in for the wedding and I'll be leaving tomorrow morning," he said as he took another sip of his drink.

"Oh, that's a shame. There's a lot of great places to see in the area," Carter said as she took her drink from the bartender. "So, Spencer, I hear you like to read. Do you have a favorite author or book?"

"Sir Arthur Conan Doyle," he responded as his heart skipped a beat with sadness.

"' _Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth'_ ," she said.

"Are you a fan of his?" Spencer said, surprised.

"I have a book of quotes. When I hear something that speaks to me, I write it down. I use these quotes to help me through tough times and when I'm writing," she said.

"You're a writer?" he asked.

"Sort of. I write music occasionally," she said.

"Are you a musician then?" he said squinting his eyes thoughtfully at her.

"Yea, I sing a little," Carter said with a smile that melted him to his core. "What about you? Besides being a super hero, what do you do?"

Carter flirted as he blushed.

"Uh, well I don't get a lot of free time, but when I do I usually read," he said before he lit up a bit. "Recently I did pick up on keyboarding, though."

"No kidding? I'd love to hear you play sometime," she said. "I play guitar."

Spencer smiled at her as she grinned back at him.

(xxxxx)

J.J. looked at Spencer's empty seat and realized he'd been gone since he spoke with Lila. That was over twenty minutes ago. She glanced around the room and didn't see him.

"Morgan," she said tapping his arm.

He broke away from the conversation and turned to her.

"Spencer's been gone for a while. I think something's wrong," she said nervously.

Derek and she both stood from their seats and began scanning the room.

"Hold up, I got him," Derek said and then started laughing.

"Where?" she said turning towards the direction Derek was looking.

Derek pointed toward the bar where Spencer stood laughing with a beautiful brunette.

"That son of a bitch found himself a girl," Derek laughed.

"Oh my gosh, Morgan! Do you know who that is?" J.J. said excitedly.

(xxxxx)

It had been an hour since Spencer and Carter started talking. He was telling her about the time he and Morgan went on a prank war against each other. Her eyes lit up and crinkled at the edges as she laughed. He liked to hear her laugh and see her smile.

He was about to share the final prank retaliation when a new song came on, catching Carter's attention. Her eyes grew bigger and she started to hop up and down excitedly.

"Oh, I love this song!" she said as she grabbed his arm and started pulling him toward the dance floor.

"Oh … I … no," he stuttered as he followed her.

She glanced over her shoulder when she felt him resisting.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I … um … don't dance," he said nervously.

"Please, it's my favorite song," she begged as she tugged on his arm.

"I don't know how," he said with embarrassment.

Carter ran her hand down his arm and gently grabbed his hand. He looked at her and she gave him a gentle smile.

"Let me show you how," she said.

Spencer looked around at everyone surrounding them. He felt Carter squeeze his hand. He looked back at her.

"No one will laugh at you. Just focus on me and I'll guide you," she said.

He stared into her eyes and for some reason that he couldn't explain, he trusted her. He took a deep breath and nodded. She smiled at him and pulled him the rest of the way to the dance floor. When they reached there, she turned to face him.

She took his hands and placed them on her hips. She put her hands on his shoulders. He licked his lips nervously, while she just smiled kindly at him.

"Ok, now mimic what I'm doing," she said.

She began to move her feet back and worth. He copied her stiffly.

"Don't be afraid. Let yourself relax," she encouraged.

At this point, she began to move more fluently in front of him, while he stuck to the stiff move back and forth. When the song ended, a slow song began. Carter looked at Spencer and when he didn't move away, she moved closer, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You did well," she said with a smile.

"Sure, for a robot," he said, which made her laugh.

"Are you always this hard on yourself?" she said sweetly.

"Usually," he said.

She laughed again and he couldn't help, but smile. To his surprise, Carter pressed herself against him and laid her head on his shoulder. He found himself holding her tighter in his arms. He liked the way she felt in his arms. He liked the way she smelled like a sugar cookie and the way her dress felt under his finger tips.

The song ended and the two of them stepped apart. They smiled shyly at one another, when Lila suddenly appeared. Spencer ducked his head as he felt himself turning red.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this adorable moment," Lila said, with a grin. "But we are doing a final bridal party dance and I need you," she said.

"Ok," Carter said. "I … uh, have to go, thanks for the dance."

"It was nice talking with you," Spencer said blushing.

Carter smiled bashfully and nodded before walking off to join the bridal party. Spencer walked back to his table, where J.J. and Derek sat smirking at him. He felt his cheeks turning red.

"Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to come back to the table," Derek teased.

"I guess I don't need to ask if you're having fun," J.J. joined in.

"Alright, enough," Spencer said shyly.

"You ready to head out stud?" Derek asked.

"Stud? Is that what you're going to call me now?" Spencer said as J.J. stood up from her chair.

Spencer grabbed her sweater and held it out for her to put on. She slipped her arms into the sleeves and thanked him.

"You know it, Stud," Derek said slapping Spencer on the back.

They started walking from the room toward the exit, when Spencer heard someone calling his name. He turned around to see Carter jogging toward him. Her dress was held in both hands so she wouldn't trip. He noticed that she had taken off her heals and was barefoot. He smiled at how adorable she was.

"Spencer, wait up," she said as she neared. "Are you leaving?"

"Yea, we have an early flight," he said as he rubbed his neck nervously.

"Oh, well, I had a great time with you tonight," she said sweetly.

"I enjoyed spending time with you as well," he said somewhat awkwardly.

Carter seemed to grow nervous. She had a look of doubt in her eyes.

"So, I don't normally do this, but can I … would it be ok if I called you sometime?" she said blushing.

Spencer was caught off guard, but he found himself nodding. Carter held up her cell phone and added his information. She turned off her phone, stood on her toes, and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Spencer," she said before hurrying off.

Spencer stood stunned. Unable to move.

"Stud," Derek said breaking him from his trance.

"Shut up," Spencer said as he turned bright red.

J.J. giggled as she followed Derek out of the ballroom. Spencer watched Carter walking away. Suddenly, she glanced over her shoulder and a smile crossed her face. He smiled before giving her a small wave. Despite the excitement he felt when around Carter, he also felt afraid.

He promised himself that he would never fall in love again. Not after Maeve. Being with him was too dangerous. He was a jinx or something. Either way, he told himself that he and Carter could be only friends and nothing more. Now if only his head could dictate his heart, because it was clear they were on completely different paths.


	2. The Visit

Two days later at work, Spencer could tell that everyone was talking about him. As he walked toward his desk, he heard them whispering and giggling, until they saw him approaching and J.J. shushed them. He got to his desk and braced himself for the teasing.

"How was the wedding?" Emily was the first to speak.

"It was good," he replied stiffly.

"Meet anyone special," she prompted.

He gave her a look and she just grinned back at him.

"It's not a big deal guys," Spencer said feeling his face burning.

"Hey, it's not every day that one of us is dating a popstar," Emily said.

"I'm not dating … wait, what?" he said furrowing his brows in confusion.

"Of course, you wouldn't know who Carter Mason is," Emily laughed.

"You didn't tell him?" Penelope said incredulously.

"And miss this moment with all of you? I don't think so," Derek laughed.

"Can someone please explain to me how you know who Carter is?" Spencer said feeling more confused.

"Everyone knows who Carter is, sweetie," Penelope said as she began typing something into her phone.

After a moment, she handed him the phone. The first 20 seconds were of screaming people, he looked up at Penelope with questioning eyes, but she just told him to keep watching. He looked at the screen and suddenly, there she was.

Carter, with shorter and darker hair, was singing to this crowd of screaming fans. She wore a black sleeveless romper with a red stripe up the side. She looked fiercer than her angelic self that he'd met at the wedding.

Yet he couldn't deny his heart fluttering as he watched her perform. He wondered if this was one of the songs that she had written. How long ago was this video taken? How long had she been singing like this?

"Earth to Dr. Reid."

Spencer snapped out of his thoughts and turned his attention to Emily who was staring at him … along with the rest of the group.

"So, did she call you?" Emily asked.

"Yea, but I didn't answer. I was busy," he said indifferently as Penelope took her phone back out of his hands.

"Are you going to call her back?" she pressed.

Spencer shrugged. He wanted to, badly, but he didn't want to put his heart out again.

"Why not? You clearly like her," J.J. said.

He looked up at her expectantly. She could see the sadness and worry in his eyes.

"Spence, I haven't seen you look that happy …" she trailed off.

He looked down at his feet feeling the familiar pain in his heart.

"It's time to move on Reid. Maeve wouldn't want to see you give up the chance at love," Derek said as he laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You were smiling and laughing the other night. The way you looked at Carter and she looked at you … there was something there, Spence. Call her. Give it a chance," J.J. urged him gently.

Spencer ran his fingers through his hair and felt himself tearing up. He jumped from his chair and walked off to get some fresh air. Once downstairs, he burst through the entrance door and out into the sunlight. The warm summer air hit his face as he felt tears building in his eyes. He walked a few feet before sitting down on a bench.

"Hey kid, you alright?"

Spencer looked up to see Derek standing in front of him. He moved over to sit next to Spencer. They sat quietly for a moment, before Spencer decided to speak up.

"I'm afraid to move on," Spencer said sounding like a fragile child.

"I know. I can't even imagine how you must feel. What happened to Maeve was terrible and I'm not sure you can ever get over something like that," Derek said. "But you have to try to find happiness."

"I feel like if I do, I'm forgetting about her," he said as he wiped a tear off his cheek.

"Let me ask you something. What if Diane took your offer and killed you instead, what would you want for her?"

Spencer closed his eyes and imagined Maeve living a happy life out of the shadows of her apartment. She had a beautiful home with a husband and kids, and she was smiling. The smile he always saw in his dreams. The one he never got to see in person.

"I'd want her to live the amazing life she deserved," Spencer finally responded as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Because you love her?" Derek asked.

Spencer nodded.

"Did she love you?"

Spencer nodded again.

"Don't you think her answer would be the same as yours? Would she want you to be miserable or would she want you to be happy?" Derek said.

Spencer sighed as the gravity of what Derek said hit him. He knew it was true and he had to live his life, but it didn't change the fact that he was terrified of opening himself up to pain again.

"You aren't letting go of her, Reid. You aren't forgetting about her. You are just accepting that life has to move on and allowing yourself to not be punished for the rest of your life," Derek said. "If you give up, you let Diane win."

That hit Spencer the hardest. He did not want to let her win. She didn't deserve that satisfaction.

"I'll give you some space," Derek said knowing what Spencer would do. "I'll see you back inside."

He stood up and patted Spencer's shoulder, before heading back into the building. Spencer reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. After staring at it for a few minutes, he finally hit the button to return Carter's phone call. He waited nervously as it rang. On the third ring, he heard her voice.

"Hello?"

"Carter? Hey it's … um … Spencer," he said stuttering.

"Hey, you. I was hoping you would call me back," she said sweetly.

"How … how are you?" he asked as he now paced the sidewalk.

"I'm good, thanks. How about you?"

"I'm doing well," he replied.

"I had a great time with you the other night," she said trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yea, I did too. I didn't know you were a singer … I mean I knew you were a singer because you told me, but I didn't know you were … a famous singer," he said feeling stupid at his rambling.

"I'm glad you didn't know. I don't get to meet people often who don't know me, or think they know me. It was nice to be myself for once and not have to put up a wall," she said.

"That must be hard," he said.

"It can be. For a job that has constant people surrounding you, it's very lonely. Everyone pretends around me. They always act like the person they think I want them to be," she said sadly.

"Well, I'm glad I got to know the real you then," he said smiling.

"And did you like the real me?" she flirted.

"I did very much," he chuckled.

"I like you too," she said, making him blush. "So, I have some time off for the next two weeks before I have to get back to work. You wouldn't want to go out with me sometime, would you?" she asked sounding nervous.

"I'd love to, but I went back home," he said.

"Oh, I know. I thought that if you'd like, I could come there … and visit you," she said.

He could hear the fear of rejection in her tone, which was an odd concept for him.

"I can't believe you would want to waste your time off visiting me," he said. "But it would be an honor to spend time with you, if you decide to come."

He could almost feel her smile through the phone.

"Ok, I'll make some arrangements and call you tomorrow," Carter said.

"That sounds great," Spencer replied.

"Ok, well, bye Spencer," she said.

"Bye, Carter," he said before hanging up.

(xxxxx)

Two days later, Spencer pulled up to the Harrison, a five-star luxurious hotel, that he would never in his wildest dreams be able to afford staying in. After parking, he nervously walked into the hotel and approached the front desk.

"Can I help you sir?" an elderly white-haired woman asked.

"I'm here to visit a friend," he said to her.

"Yes, sir and your friend's name?"

"John Sanderson," Spencer said.

The woman typed the name on the keyboard before looking back up at him.

"Your name, sir?"

"Spencer Reid," he said.

"Ok, if you want to wait over here, someone will assist you," the woman said smiling at him.

Spencer stood off to the side as he shuffled his conversed feet. He nervously straightened his blue patterned tie and then adjusted the buttons on his blue shirt.

"Mr. Reid?" a voice behind him said.

Spencer turned to see a manager in a suit walking towards him.

"Yes," Spencer replied.

"Right this way, sir," the man said, leading Spencer towards the elevator.

Once they climbed inside the manager pulled out a card and placed it over a magnet on the elevator wall. The elevator began to move and the two men stood quietly next to each other. After a ding, they exited the elevator and headed straight toward a door labeled number 3.

"Enjoy your visit," the manager said before walking back to the elevator.

Spencer rubbed his hands together nervously before finally lifting his hand to knock on the door. He waited a few moments, before he heard a click and the door opened. He swallowed hard as Carter stood before him with a smile on her face. She wore a white tank top with a knitted white sweater over top. Her jeans were tight and showed her curves perfectly.

"Spencer, hi," she said and then frowned. "I think I've underdressed."

"Oh, no, you look beautiful," he assured her.

"Thank you, but you look so handsome," she said waving her hand at his clothing.

"I always dress like this. I don't own anything else," he said, which eased her concern.

"Ok, well, come in. I just need to grab my things," she said as she hurried off into the room.

He nodded and followed her into the giant living space. The furniture was black leather and it laid atop a white circular carpet. The rest of the flooring was white tile. Carter stood next to her suitcase picking some things out and throwing them into her purse. After a moment, she spun to face Spencer.

"You ready?"

"Yes," he said.

(xxxxx)

Carter climbed into Spencer's black SUV and buckled herself in.

"So, where are we going?" she asked.

"My friend, um, co-worker is having a cookout. I mean, if that's ok with you? He has a really nice house and he's an amazing chef," he rambled. "But if that makes you uncomfortable we can go somewhere else."

"Spencer," she said giggling. "I'd love to go to the cookout with your friends."

"Oh, ok. Great," he said surprised by how calm she seemed.

He, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.

(xxxxx)

About 15 minutes later, they pulled up into a driveway that led to a beautiful home with a lush green grass and stunning landscape.

"Wow, do you guys get paid well in the FBI?" Carter said surprised.

"Actually no. Rossi is also a best-selling author. That helped with his lavish lifestyle," Spencer replied as he parked the car.

He hopped out and walked quickly to the other side of the vehicle to help Carter climb out. She was already climbing down when he reached her. He shut the door for her and faced her.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Absolutely," she said as she slipped her arm through his.

Spencer felt his heart beat quicken. He liked the feeling of her touching him. They walked together towards the backyard where music was playing and voices could be heard. When they reached the back yard the first one to spot them was a little blonde-haired boy who seemed to be around 6 or 7 years old.

"Uncle Spencer!" the boy cried.

"Henry, what's up little man!" Spencer said as he held open his arms.

Henry jumped into his arms and was rewarded with a big hug and a spin.

"Guess what?" Henry said.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"Dad signed me up for baseball. Now I can hit a homerun like you! Can you play with me?"

"Sure buddy, give me just a few minutes and I'll play," Spencer said putting him back down on his feet.

"Who's that?" Henry asked as he glanced at Carter.

"Henry, this is my friend Carter," Spencer introduced. "Carter, this is my godson and the greatest kid that ever lived, Henry."

Carter bent over and shook Henry's hand.

"Hi, Henry, it's really nice to meet you," she said.

"You're pretty," Henry said causing Carter and Spencer to laugh.

"Thank you. You are very handsome," she said winking at him.

"I'm single if you want my number," he said smiling a jack-o-lantern grin at her.

"Henry!" Spencer said as they burst into laughter. "Go run along. I'll come play with you soon."

Henry laughed and ran off towards his dad.

"And here I thought Morgan would be the first to flirt with you," Spencer said.

"And I hoped you would be the first," she said smirking at him.

Spencer turned red and chewed on his lip as he suppressed a smile. She once again looped her arm with his as they walked off to meet the rest of his friends.

(xxxxx)

The sun was nearly gone and the party continued. After the warm day the evening had chilled off considerably. Rossi lit up a giant fire pit as the group settled around it to keep warm and continue talking. Wine was handed out to warm their insides, as well. At some point during the conversation, Carter scooted closer to Spencer and without realizing it he grabbed her hand and threaded their fingers together. He continued talking with J.J. and Emily without skipping a beat. Penelope nudged Derek.

"Do you see this?" she said using her eyes to indicate what she saw.

Derek looked across at Spencer holding Carter's hand and Carter was leaning into him listening to his story.

"Looks like pretty boy found himself a girlfriend," Derek said smiling.

"I like her. She seems sweet and nothing like you would imagine a celebrity would be like. I find myself forgetting that she is famous," Penelope said.

"Yea, she is very down to earth," Derek agreed.

"She's really beautiful too and her boobs are perfect. If she weren't so awesome, I would kinda hate her," she said scrunching up her face.

"Woman, you are beautiful too," Derek said slapping her knee.

"Oh, I know that. I just think I'm oddly jealous," she admitted.

"Jealous? You like Reid?" he said wide-eyed.

"Oh, hell no. I mean, no offense to Reid or anything. But that's a big no. I just mean, it's been a long time since Kevin and I dated and I miss that feeling of finding your love and all the romantic moments. And let's be honest, I miss the sex," she said bluntly.

Derek choked on his wine. All eyes were suddenly on him.

"Wrong pipe, I'm fine," he said wiping the wine from his chin.

After everyone's attention was off of him, he shot Penelope a dirty look.

"Don't say shit like that when I'm drinking," he said.

"Sorry, Hershey kiss. Sometimes I don't filter my thoughts," she apologized.

(xxxxx)

It had been a long night. Spencer stood at Carter's hotel room door. She unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"You wanna come in for a minute?" she asked.

Spencer nodded and walked into the living area. Carter walked past him and tossed her sneakers next to the bed and laid her purse down on the dresser. Turning back around, she saw Spencer watching her closely. She half smiled at him.

"What?" she asked.

"I had a really great time tonight," he said.

"I did too. Your friends are wonderful," she said walking toward him.

"Yea, they are. They are more like family than friends," he said glancing down at his feet.

When he looked back up, Carter had closed the gap between them. She fiddled with her jean pockets as she stepped even closer to him. She licked her bottom lip nervously before she looked up into his eyes. Spencer stared back at her not knowing if he should kiss her or not. Her hand slowly moved up to wrap around his neck. He felt her soft fingers running across his short hair. She trailed up until she reached the thicker and longer part of his hair.

He felt her moving her face closer to his and her eyes closed so he did the same. Suddenly, he felt her lips touch his. For a moment, neither moved. It was like they were frozen together. Carter pulled back and they looked at each other again, before Spencer grabbed her back and pulled her into his body.

Their lips crashed together again, this time with more desire. Spencer felt her mouth open so he followed suit and soon their tongues were dancing together. He could taste the peppermint gum she had just been chewing only moments before they arrived at the hotel.

Carter wrapped her arms tighter around his neck as they continued to make out in the middle of the room. Spencer ran his fingers through her beach waved hair as Carter alternated between his hair and his back. He felt her hands untucking his shirt. He stepped back and put his hands on her shoulders to stop her.

"Wait," he said breathlessly.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"No, don't … don't apologize. That was amazing and believe me, I don't want to stop," he said, swallowing hard and trying to hide his excitement.

"Then why are you stopping?" she asked flirtingly as she tried to untuck his shirt again.

Spencer grabbed her hands and held them tightly.

"Carter, I don't know where this relationship is going. But I'm hoping that it'll be something meaningful and if that's what you want as well, we can't start out a relationship like this. There has to be a foundation," he said, worrying about her response.

She was quiet for a moment which caused his heart to race with anxiety.

"So, you want to be my boyfriend?" she asked shyly.

He felt his face turning bright red.

"Truthfully, I'm terrified," he said and he watched her face drop. "I promised myself I would never fall in love again. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to be with you."

Carter noticed that sadness in his eyes. She knew something happened in the past to make him jaded toward love. She gently placed her hand on his cheek and he looked into her eyes.

"We can take it slow," she assured him. "If you want."

Spencer leaned into her palm and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he saw Carter watching him with empathy in her eyes.

"I'd like to try," he said softly.

Carter stood up on her toes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"May I call you tomorrow?" Spencer asked as they pulled apart.

"You better," she said with a smile.


	3. The Mystery Lover

Over the next two weeks, Carter and Spencer spent every moment he was free together. Before they knew it, it was Carter's final day in town. It had been a great vacation for her, with very few fan encounters. She had been able to slip under the radar and enjoy her time with Spencer. Now she sat sadly at the airport waiting for her flight to board. They wore baseball hats to shield their faces from others.

"Thank you for everything, Spencer. I had so much fun," she said linking her fingers with his.

"I did too," he agreed as his thumb ran along her hand.

"I wish I didn't have to go," she sighed.

"Me neither, but I'll call you," he promised.

"Every day?" she asked smiling at him.

"Every day," he laughed.

Just then an announcement was called for boarding of the plane. They stood up from the chair and faced each other.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," she said sadly.

"Not goodbye, just see you later," he said running his hand along her cheek.

"Kiss me before I start to cry," she said leaning into his hand.

Spencer smiled, but obliged. Leaning down he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her gently. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her as their kiss intensified. Finally, Spencer pulled himself away gasping for air. He smiled and kissed her quickly one more time.

"Call me when you land," he said.

She nodded and picked up her bag. Waving goodbye, she boarded the plane.

(xxxxx)

Spencer walked into work the following morning, missing Carter already. They stayed up late face-timing each other before agreeing that they both needed sleep. Spencer sat down at his desk when a magazine plopped down in front of him. He looked up to see Penelope and Emily smirking at him.

"Well, hello lover boy," Emily said seductively, as Penelope giggled.

Spencer looked down at the cover of a tabloid and saw Carter and himself kissing in the airport. How had he not noticed someone taking their photo? The headline read _**Carter Mason's new mystery lover! A secret getaway with plenty of PDA!**_

"There are more pictures inside," Emily said.

Spencer flipped through the pages and found more pictures of him and Carter at the airport. His face was pretty well hidden by the hat he wore. They were holding hands and talking to one another in one photo, in another Carter was laughing at something he said, and the final picture was another one of them kissing. There wasn't much written in the article other than what airport they were at and questions about who the "mystery lover" was.

"How did I not see them?" he said.

"Paparazzi are stealthy. They make a living out of being sneaky," Emily said.

"Besides, it seemed like you were a bit preoccupied," Penelope giggled.

Spencer felt his cheeks turning red and he felt embarrassed by the open display of affection on this magazine cover. When he got caught with Lila, it was just his hand on her shoulder. They made a big deal out of it, but it wasn't overly affectionate. He took the magazine and stuffed it into his satchel when he saw Rossi and Derek walking toward him.

"Welcome back, Reid," Rossi said, stopping by his desk.

"Thanks," he said throwing his bag to the ground.

"Did Carter make it home safely?" Rossi asked.

"She did," he said.

"Good, well we need to head into the conference room," Rossi said.

As they stood up from their chairs, Spencer heard Derek call out as he walked off, "hurry up mystery lover."

Spencer plopped back into his chair and groaned. Of course, Derek saw the magazine. There was no way he was going to live this down.

(xxxxx)

Spencer and Emily stood over the body looking for clues. The young girl had been found in the woods off a running trail in Pennsylvania. He stood in the mud and gently touched places he was concerned about. He pried her mouth open and saw something inside.

"Look," he said as he picked something out of her front tooth.

"It looks like skin," Emily said.

Spencer called one of the workers over and asked for an evidence bag. He dropped the skin in there and asked them to send it off to be analyzed. His phone started to ring as he was taking off his gloves.

"Excuse me a sec," he said to Emily walking off into the woods.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and put it to his ear.

"Reid," he said, professionally.

"Hey, Spence, am I interrupting anything?"

He smiled at the sound of Carter's voice.

"I'm at work, but I have a few minutes. Everything alright?" he asked.

"Yea, it's fine. I won't keep you long. I just wanted to apologize about the tabloids," she said sounding upset. "I didn't realize they were there. I'm usually good at spotting them, but … I was kinda distracted."

He felt himself blush.

"It's ok. I'm not upset,' he said smiling.

"Are you sure? I know this is a lot to handle. It's the shitty party of being my boyfriend," she said.

"I understand. All jobs come with something negative. You'll have to deal with me needing to leave for work at random, inopportune moments," he said trying to cheer her up.

"Well, thank you for being so understanding," she said. "I'll let you get back to work. Call me whenever you are free."

"Will do," he said.

They said goodbye and hung up. Just as Spencer went to turn around, he tripped over something and fell onto his knees. Brushing the leaves and debris aside he called out to Emily.

"I think I found another victim!"

(xxxxx)

The case had been solved and everyone was exhausted. It had taken them three days to track down the unsub and when they did he put up quite the fight. Derek left with a gunshot graze wound to his arm, Emily had a black eye, and Spencer sported a large gash on his cheek. Almost everyone fell asleep on the plane and they all walked bleary-eyed to their cars when they arrived home.

It was only around 10pm, as Spencer trudged up the stairs to his apartment. He walked in the door, dropped his keys on the table, and went straight into the shower. As he was finishing up he heard his phone ringing.

"Please don't be work," he sighed as he shut off the shower.

Climbing out, he wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked over to his phone. He sighed with relief when he saw it was Carter face-timing him. He answered the call as he wandered into his bedroom.

"Oh, well hello," she said as he appeared on her screen.

"Hey," he chuckled as he rubbed his eye, blocking view of the cut. "I was just getting out of the shower."

"I see that. I like the wet hair look. Very sexy," she said flirting with him.

He blushed.

"Oh, Spence, what happened?" she asked as the cut came into view.

"It's nothing," he said brushing it off.

"Did the bad guy do that?" she said concerned.

Spencer laughed.

"What?" Carter said furrowing her brow.

"We don't call them bad guys. We call them unsubs," he said still laughing gently. "Unknown subject."

"Well pardon me, I'm not up to speed on the FBI lingo," she said rolling her eyes jokingly.

"It's alright. I'll train you," he said smiling at her.

"But seriously, are you ok?" she asked again.

"I'm fine, I promise. The guy shot through a window and a piece of glass caught my face," he explained calmly.

"Shot?!" she cried.

"That's pretty normal. Nearly 7 out of 10 cases involve gunfire," he said to her.

"Great, I don't think I'll ever sleep again when you are on a case," she said.

"If it makes you feel any better, of those 10 only .65 end up being fatalities to the officers or agents," he said running a hand through his hair.

"No, sweetie. That doesn't help, because that .65 could be you," she responded.

"That's true, but my team and I are really good at what we do. We've never lost anyone yet," he said proudly.

"Well, that's good. I hope it continues that way," she said.

"Enough worrying for tonight. What are you up to?" he asked as he leaned back into his pillow.

"Nothing. I was just laying here thinking about you and missing you," she said.

"I miss you too," he said with a smile.

"Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my manager and recording crew to make plans for my next album. The next few months will be song writing and recording," she said, laying back on her pillow too.

"That sounds exciting," he said.

"Yea, I have had a few song ideas running through my head. It's just a matter of making everything fit and work out. Sometimes bits and pieces I imagine don't work well together. It's frustrating to have an idea that won't work on paper," she said, rolling to lay on her side.

Spencer watched as her hair dropped down into her face. She used her hand to brush It away and he found himself aching to be the one doing that. He could almost smell her shampoo as he imagined her by his side.

"Spencer?"

"Oh sorry, what?" he asked.

"What were you just thinking about?" she giggled.

"Nothing," he said blushing.

"Was it me?" she grinned devilishly.

"Maybe," he said trying to hold back his smile.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm thinking about you too," she said.

"I wish you were here with me," he said, surprised at his honesty.

He was never this open with someone so quickly.

"Me too. After my meeting tomorrow, I'll have an idea of when my next few days off are. Maybe I can come visit again," she said.

"I would love that," he said.

"Well, I'm going to get some sleep. Early day tomorrow," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Sleep well and sweet dreams," he responded.

"You too. Goodnight, Spence," she said blowing him a kiss.

The screen went blank and Spencer dropped the phone onto his bed. His heart soared with happiness. In some ways it scared him to care this much about someone, but he was too tired to worry for long. Before he could analyze his feelings further, he had fallen asleep.


	4. The First Time

(Warning: detailed sexual content)

The next day Spencer sat in his living room reading while feeling the fresh fall air blowing through his window. Hotch gave them the day off to recover from the difficult case. Later he had plans to go to the movies with Penelope, Emily, and Derek. He was happy to snuggle in his jammies and robe while reading.

As usual when he heard his phone ring, he tensed up thinking it was a call from work. He grabbed his phone and smiled.

"Hello," he said.

"Hey, Spence. I'm not bothering you, am I?" Carter asked.

"You are never bothering me," he replied.

"Flatterer," she giggled. "Listen, I was going to wait until later to call you, but I'm so excited I had to call now. I have great news!"

"What's that?" he asked with a smile.

"I just spoke with my manager and producer and got them to agree to work on my album in New York! Which means, I can visit you more often!" she said excitedly.

"Carter, that is great news!" he agreed, sitting up straighter in his chair.

"Yea, so I'll be flying in tomorrow. I'll visit with you for a few days before we start working," she said happily.

"That is fantastic! Do you want me to come pick you up at the airport?" he asked.

"I don't want to impose," she said, secretly hoping he wouldn't decline.

"Carter, you need to stop thinking you are bothering me or imposing. You are my girlfriend, and I always want to see you and spend time with you," he assured her.

"You sure know how to melt a girl's heart, Spence," she replied.

"Just speaking the truth," he said. "What time do I need to pick you up?"

"I should arrive around 9am your time. I'll send you my flight information, so you can check for delay's," she said.

"Sounds good. I can't wait to see you," he said happily.

"Me too!" she said.

After a few more minutes of small talk, they said their goodbyes. Spencer sat back in his chair happily and couldn't wait to spend time with Carter.

(xxxxx)

At 6am, Spencer was awoken by his phone. He looked to see a text from Penelope that asked him to come to work. He sighed as he rolled out of bed. After hopping into the shower and getting dressed he headed for the office.

Once inside, he walked into the conference room and noticed everyone had beaten him there except for Emily and Hotch. As he sat down and stifled a yawn, Emily came rushing into the room. She looked terrible.

"What happened to you?" Derek asked perking up.

"Nothing happened to me," she said dropping heavily into a chair.

"You look like you got run over. One too many?" he laughed.

"What number actually is too many?" Rossi asked.

"When you head is ready to blow off your shoulders," Emily responded as she laid her head on the table.

"That's actually physically impossible. You could have an aneurism, but your head can't actually explode open," Spencer started.

"If I shoot you in the head," Emily growled, looking up at Spencer.

"Point taken," he said dropping his eyes to the table as Derek and Rossi chuckled.

Just then, Hotch walked into the room.

"Sorry to wake you all up. Garcia, go ahead," he said sitting down.

"Alright, we have four bodies that have been found over the past three weeks at the same location in Jacksonville, Florida. They were found on park benches lining the St. John's River. The first victim was Alyson Thomas, 21 years of age. The M.E. found abrasions around her wrists along with multiple cuts on her body. Her death was ruled as asphyxiation," she explained.

One by one she showed pictures of the victims and told them the information she had.

"Alright, we need to head to Jacksonville. Wheels up in 30," Hotch said standing up.

Spencer sighed and looked at his watch. He waited for everyone to leave the room before dialing Carter's number. After two rings she answered.

"Good morning, cutie. I'm on my way to the airport," she said happily.

"Carter, I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to pick you up. We have a case in Florida. I have to leave in half an hour," he said full of guilt.

"Oh, that sucks," she sighed. "But I understand. I'll just get checked into a hotel and you can call me whenever you get back in town."

"No, you aren't staying at a hotel. You can stay at my place," he said.

"Spencer, that's really sweet of you, but I couldn't impose," she said.

"What did I tell you about imposing?" he scolded.

"Ok, sorry. If you are sure," she said.

"I'm very sure. I'll leave my keys at the office with Garcia. She'll take care of you while I'm gone," Spencer said.

"Well, thank you," she said.

"Absolutely, I look forward to seeing you when I get back," he replied.

"I'll be counting down the minutes," she said. "Be safe, Spencer."

"I will."

He hung up the phone after their goodbye.

(xxxxx)

Three days later, Spencer climbed the stairs to his apartment. He winced in pain when he finally reached his floor. The unsub had attacked him when they entered his house. Spencer had been searching the second floor, when he entered a bedroom and was blitz attacked.

He tried to shoot, but the unsub tackled him to the floor. His gun had gone flying across the floor away from his grasp. He had wrestled across the floor with the unsub, smashing into a dresser and knocking down pictures and knickknacks.

One of the jewelry boxes had fallen next to Spencer's head and broke into pieces. He had reached out, grabbed one of the chips of wood and slammed it into the unsub's throat. The man had dropped to the side just as Derek and Emily entered the room.

Spencer was brought back to reality as he put his key into the hole and unlocked his door. He opened it and walked in to a dimly lit apartment. He laid his keys on the table and walked towards the living room where his TV was on. Carter was sound asleep on the couch. He smiled at her as he turned off the TV. With that, Carter sat up startled.

"Oh, Spencer, you scared me," she said clutching her chest.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"What time is it?" she asked sitting up.

His voice caught in his throat as he stared down at her tank top. Her white tank top hugged her breasts tightly and left little to the mind. He pushed himself to look away and at his watch.

"Um, it's a little after 11," he muttered.

"How was your case? Did you catch them … the un … un," she said trying to wrack her brain for the answer.

"Unsub," he smiled. "Yes, we caught him. I just want to take a quick shower and then you can go to bed."

"You won't bother me," she said snuggling back under the blanket.

"You haven't been sleeping on the couch, have you?" he asked concerned.

"Yea, I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?" she asked sitting back up.

"Carter, you should be sleeping in my bed. I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that," he said.

"Spencer, you've already done enough for me. There is no way I'm taking your bed," she said.

"I won't take no for an answer," he said.

Carter sat defiantly on the couch with a smirk on her face.

"Just try to make me," she said.

Spencer walked over towards her as she dove under the blankets. She felt Spencer lift her from the couch as she squealed.

"Put me down! Cheater! Put me down!" she laughed as she tried to squirm out of his grasp.

She felt herself drop onto the bed. She thrashed to get herself out of the covers. When she emerged, she found Spencer standing next to the bed with his arms crossed in front of him.

"I win," he said.

"Oh yea," she giggled as she sat up and pulled Spencer down on the bed.

She pushed him onto his back and sat on top of him, straddling his middle.

"I win!" she said.

With that, Spencer grabbed her waist and started tickling her. Carter yelped as she squirmed to get away from him.

"Ok! Ok! You win! You win!" she laughed as she wiggled on top of him.

Spencer stared up at her with a large smile on his face. He loved her laugh and the way her brown eyes crinkled at the edges. He ran his hand across her cheek.

"Well, I guess you deserve your prize," she said with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Oh, and what is that?" he asked.

She bent over and placed her lips on his. It was gently at first, but quickly intensified. Spencer flipped them over, with him now hovering over her body. Carter scooted back on the bed, grabbing Spencer by the tie dragging him with her.

He followed over top of her as she continued to explore his mouth. Carter threw her free arm around Spencer's lower back and he broke the kiss to wince in pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Are you alright?" she said pulling away from him.

"No, it's ok. Just a little sore from the case. That's where the door knob caught my back," he said.

"Let me see," she said sitting up on her knees.

Spencer rolled onto his stomach as Carter untucked his shirt. She slid it up to reveal some small cuts and bruises. Carter gently ran her finger over the knob-shaped bruise that she had touched moments ago.

"Oh, babe! This one is swollen. Let me get some ice," she said jumping up from the bed.

"You don't have to," he started.

"Shush! I'm going to get some ice," she said leaving the room.

He heard her rummaging through the cabinets in the kitchen while he waited. Not much later, she returned and climbed back onto the bed.

"Take off your shirt," she said.

"What?" he asked as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"Take off your shirt," she repeated.

Spencer obeyed as he unbuttoned the front of his shirt and slid it off his body, along with his tie. He let it fall to the floor as he lay back down on his stomach. He jumped a little at the cold bag of ice that touched his lower back. He noticed that she brought back a rag and ointment with her as well. He felt the rag gently dabbing at his wound. He made a tsss sound through his teeth when she cleaned one of the cuts.

"Oh, ya big baby. That's not even the worst cut," she teased.

"Well, tell that to the burning I just felt," he said lifting his head from the pillow.

She leaned down and placed a small kiss to his back.

"Better?" she asked.

"A little," he grinned, laying his head back down.

After a few minutes of cleaning, Carter settled down next to him and lightly ran her fingernails along his back.

"Just relax and get some rest," she said softly as she continued to rub his back.

As much as he wanted to stay awake and spend time with her, he felt himself growing more and more tired. Before he knew it, he had dozed off.

(xxxxx)

Spencer's eyes opened to the sound of a car horn outside. He blinked to get the sleep out of his eyes and realized that it felt like something was holding him down to the bed. As his vision cleared he noticed Carter sound asleep next to him.

She was curled up against him with her arm draped over his chest and her face nuzzled into his shoulder. He smiled at the sight of her. It felt nice having her in his arms. He didn't want to move, but his morning ritual called his name urgently. He slowly slid his arm out from under Carter and sat up.

"Awe, don't leave," she muttered half asleep. "I was warm."

"Sorry to wake you," he said kissing her temple.

She smiled, but still kept her eyes closed.

"It's ok. I suppose I'll just have to make do without you," she said snuggling under the covers.

He grinned as he walked off towards the bathroom. Once he finished, he started brushing his teeth and ran a hand through his messy short hair. It was starting to grow a bit and was quite a mess. As he brushed there was a knock at the door. He reached out and turned the knob to let Carter in. She smiled at him still sleepy eyed.

"G'morning," she said.

"Good morning."

She grabbed her toothbrush that sat on the counter and put toothpaste on it. Using her hip, she bumped Spencer playfully out of the way. He laughed before spitting into the sink. He used his hand to make a cup for water. Swishing it in his mouth and spitting again, he bumped her back.

"Excuse me," she joked.

"I'm going to take a shower, then I'll make us some breakfast," he offered.

"That sounds good to me. I need to shower too," she said as she spat her toothpaste out.

"You want to go first?" he offered.

"Or we could save water and shower together," she flirted as she ran a finger up his bare chest.

Spencer felt goosebumps run up his skin. He felt nervous and suddenly afraid. Was he ready for this? Were things moving too fast? He really liked her, but he was very afraid of this relationship. Once again his heart and his head began to battle.

"It's ok, Spence. I'm moving too fast for you. I can wait," she said reading his mind.

He looked at her apologetically.

"Come here," she said reaching out to grab his hands.

She pulled him close and cupped his face in her hands.

"I will wait, Spencer. I like you a lot and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this. If you aren't ready for that step it's ok. I won't be upset with you."

She kissed his lips gently and pulled away.

"Go shower. I'll get breakfast started," she said leaving the bathroom.

He stood staring at the door feeling guilty and another emotion he couldn't quite figure out. Was he disappointed that he didn't follow through? He walked back into the bedroom and grabbed his phone. He quickly dialed Derek's number while he listened to the kitchen cabinets opening and closing.

"Reid? What's up? You alright?" Derek said without a proper hello.

"Yea, I mean I think so. Do you have a minute?" he asked nervously.

"Yea, what's going on?"

"I need your advice and I am asking you to not make a big deal out of this or tease me about it," Spencer prompted.

"Ok, I won't," Derek responded, realizing this was a big deal, as Spencer never went to someone when he had problems. It always had to be pushed out of him.

"I'm serious. I'm trusting you," Spencer reiterated.

"Reid, I promise. Now, what's up?"

"Carter is visiting and we slept together last night … wait, that sounded … I meant, we literally slept. Anyway, this morning I said I was going to take a shower and then make breakfast and she said she needed to shower maybe we could just do it together," he said quickly as he paced the bedroom.

He could hear Carter making noise in the kitchen.

"So, what did you say?" Derek asked.

"I didn't say anything actually. I just stood there and she sort of read the fear in my eyes and told me it was ok and she was fine with waiting," he said sitting down on the bed.

"The problem with you kid is you overthink things. You are clearly digging this girl and it scares you. You come up with a million reasons why it shouldn't work, why you shouldn't open your heart to her. It's like the time we played baseball. You just need to let it happen and get out of your head," Derek advised.

"Yea, but how do I … " he said scratching his head with embarrassment. "How do I know if I'm ready?"

"Reid, I'm going to ask you some questions. Without thinking say the first thing that comes to your mind."

"Ok," Spencer agreed.

"Favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Favorite TV show?"

"Dr. Who."

"Favorite candy?"

"Sour patch kids."

"Sex with Carter?"

"Yes."

There was a pause as neither said anything.

"There you go. You let yourself answer without thinking. That's what you want. So, get out of your head and get into that bed," Derek said, chuckling at his rhyme.

"Morgan," Spencer growled.

"I won't tease, I promise. Look man, it's a scary thing. I get it. You've been through some shit that leaves some scars, but you can't let that stop you from living. You could miss out on something amazing because of that fear. Now go spend time with your girl. I'll check in with you later."

"Derek," Spencer said.

Derek was surprised to hear Spencer call him by his first name.

"Yea?"

"Thank you … for always being there for me," Spencer said

"Anytime little brother."

Spencer hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. He stood up and took a deep breath.

"Here goes nothing," he said letting the air out.

He walked out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen. Carter stood with her back to him laying some bacon out on a napkin. She glanced over her shoulder and stopped what she was doing. She turned to face him with her brow furrowed.

"Spence, what's the matter? Are you ok? You haven't showered?"

He walked towards her until he was within inches of her. He reached out and pulled her body close to his and pressed his mouth to hers. He could feel her shock at first, but she loosened up and threw her arms around his neck kissing him back. Their tongues met one another and wrestled as he tangled his fingers in her hair. When they broke the kiss, Carter sighed.

"Wow, what was that for?" she asked smiling.

"For being patient with me," he said placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"Of course," she said with a smile.

He grabbed her hand and walked off towards the bedroom. Carter followed silently behind and he hoped that she didn't notice how nervous he was. When they got to the bedroom he led her straight to the bathroom. Carter watched as he opened the shower door and turned it on. Turning back to her she saw him take a deep breath.

"Spencer …" she hesitated. "Are you … sure? I promise you I'm ok with waiting."

He walked towards her and pulled her against his body again. Running both hands through the hair on the side of her face, he kissed her forehead. Then he kissed her nose before kissing her lips. Carter responded to this by lifting her tank top over her head leaving her top half naked in front of him.

She saw his eyes avert downward to look, but he quickly glanced back up at her eyes. As if he was doing something wrong. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts.

"It's ok," she said softly.

She closed her eyes as he gently massaged her chest. A small sigh of pleasure slipped from her lips, which made Spencer's confidence grow slightly. Carter opened her eyes and smiled at him before running her hands up his chest.

"Let's get in the shower," she said softly.

Carter slid her pajama bottoms off along with her panties. Spencer hesitated for a moment, but took a deep breath and slipped his bottoms off too. Carter saw the fear in his eyes return. She reached out and grabbed his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

He stepped into the shower and she followed behind him. Spencer walked into the spray and turned to face her. Carter watched as the warm water streamed down his body reaching out to follow the stream with her finger.

She stopped at his waist and looked up at him. He was watching intently, his hair matted to his face.

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get sexier," she said pulling his face to hers.

They both kissed passionately as they now pressed together. Spencer moaned into her mouth when he felt her hand massaging his erection. After a few moments, she pulled away from their kiss. She ran her fingers through his wet hair. Spencer turned her around to face the other direction pulling her close against him.

She felt his lips on her neck and shoulder as his hand slowly moved around her waist. He slowly moved down her body until he reached her sensitive nub that was aching to be touched. She laid her head back against his shoulder and moaned when he finally made contact.

His finger teased her entrance before slipping inside. Carter let out a soft gasp. She lifted her arms up to cradle his head that was once again suckling on her skin. As his finger began to move in and out, he added an additional, which made her squirm in his arms.

"Spencer, I want you. I want to make love to you," she said panting.

Spencer removed his fingers and turned off the shower. Carter had already pushed the door opened, grabbed a towel, and was walking towards the bed. She laid the towel down and was lying on her back waiting for him.

She watched him dripping with water, walking towards her. He climbed on top of her and stared deep into her eyes.

"You sure about this?" he said.

"I'm sure," she replied.

"No, I mean … are you sure you want this … with me?" he said with fear in his eyes.

Carter placed her hand on his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Spencer, you are the most thoughtful, loving, sexiest man I've ever known," she said, smiling. "I am honored that someone as special as you, would choose to be with someone like me."

Tears welded up in Spencer's eyes. He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her. As their kiss intensified, Carter trailed her hand between them and grabbed a hold of his dick. She rubbed it against her entrance teasingly, moaning at the feeling.

She felt him starting to push into her body and wrapped her legs around his waist, opening herself more to him. They both let out a cry of ecstasy when he finally worked his way fully into her tight middle.

"You ok?" he asked kissing her forehead.

She nodded as she bit her bottom lip.

"Are you ok?" she asked in return.

He smiled and nodded before giving her a quick kiss. Slowly, Spencer began to move rhythmically, making Carter moan her enjoyment. Spencer wrapped his arms tightly around her body and thrusted rapidly into her. She clawed at his back and arched into him as sounds of her pleasure echoed through the room.

It didn't take long before both of them were nearing their climax.

"I'm almost there," Carter cried. "Don't stop, oh fuck, please don't stop."

She slid her hand between them and began to massage her clit as he focused on hitting her sweet spot. He found himself mesmerized by her ministrations. Suddenly, he felt her body tighten around him as she breathed out heavily. Her body shaking from the release.

This brought Spencer over the edge. He let out a gasp as he exploded inside of her. After fully riding out his orgasm, Spencer collapsed next to Carter panting. It took a few moments, but they both came down from their high.

Carter scooted closer to Spencer and lightly ran her fingers over his chest.

"That was amazing," she sighed.

Spencer nodded as he kissed her forehead. They laid their quietly for a while, before arter sat up and grabbed Spencer's shirt from the night before. She slid her arms in and buttoned it up.

"You stay here and relax. I'm going to go finish making you breakfast," she said leaning over to kiss him passionately one more time.

He watched her walk out of the room in his shirt and smiled. Despite his efforts, he was definitely falling in love.


	5. The Fight

Carter and Penelope sat in the living room at Derek's house laughing at something. Spencer and Derek went to the kitchen to get the snacks and drinks for the movie night. Spencer loved how easily Carter fit in with his family. It was like she had always been a part of their group. Spencer was grabbing sodas out of the fridge as Derek tossed some popcorn in the microwave.

"So, how are things going with Carter?" Derek asked as he turned to face Spencer.

"Good," he said placing the drinks on the tray.

Spencer walked over to the cabinet to grab bowls.

"And?" Derek pressed further.

"And what?" Spencer said bringing down four bowls to the tray.

"Did you seal the deal?" Derek said.

"Seal the deal? What?" Spencer said confused.

"Did you and Carter have sex?" Derek asked.

"Shhhh," Spencer shushed with a stern glance.

Derek rolled his eyes and just stared at him, waiting for an answer. Spencer tried to stare him down, but it wasn't working. Finally, he sighed and nodded.

"See I told you to get out of your head! I'm proud of you kid!" Derek complimented a now pink-cheeked Spencer. "So, how was it?"

Spencer furrowed his brow at the question.

"What? You don't think she's going to talk about it to her friends?" Derek laughed.

"She will?" Spencer said surprised.

"Reid, man, I know you can't possibly be naïve enough to not know women share everything," Derek said. "So, spill. Did you enjoy it?"

Spencer seemed to consider this and then a smile stretched across his face.

"Hell yea, I did," he blurted out.

Derek burst into laughter at his uncharacteristic cursing as he pulled Spencer into a headlock. He ran his knuckles over Spencer's hair.

Meanwhile, on the couch, Carter and Penelope sat talking together quietly.

"So, you and Reid are getting pretty serious?" Penelope said casually.

"I think so," Carter blushed.

"Well, I know he likes you a lot. I can see it in his eyes whenever you are mentioned," Penelope said. "I'm sure you've noticed he doesn't exactly hide his emotions well."

"Yes, I have noticed that and I like him a lot too. He makes me feel like a regular person. When I'm with him and you guys, I forget that I'm a celebrity. It's nice," she said smiling. "He's so sweet and caring. I've never met anyone like him before."

"That is so sweet!" Penelope said as she placed her hand on her heart. "So, I'm going to just put this out there. Did you sleep together yet?"

"Oh my gosh, Penny!" Carter laughed.

"Ohhhhhh, you so did! When?" Penelope giggled as she bounced in her seat.

Carter glanced over her shoulder to make sure the boys weren't behind her.

"You better not tell a single soul. Pinky swear," Carter said holding out her finger.

"On my honor! These luscious lips are sealed," Penelope said as she linked her finger with Carter's.

"It was weird. Wait … not the sex … I mean, how it happened. The other morning, I approached the subject of showering together and I could see him start to panic. So, I told him not to worry about it and I was totally ok with waiting. I went out to make breakfast and maybe, I dunno, ten minutes later, he appeared in the kitchen all hot and heavy, ready to go," she explained.

"Your first time together was in the shower? That is so hot!" Penelope said in awe.

"Well, it started there, but we moved to the bedroom."

"Was it good?" Penelope asked.

"It was great, Penny. It was like we were meant to be one not two," she said smiling.

"That is beautiful … and sexy. Great, now I'm horny," she said folding her arms against her chest.

Carter burst out laughing.

"What's so funny out here?" Derek asked as he carried the tray into the room.

"Nothing," Penelope grinned. "Are we going to start this movie sometime this century?"

"Watch it lippy, or I'm gonna make you sit in time out," Derek threatened.

"Will I get a spankin' too?" Penelope flirted.

Carter giggled at this interaction. Spencer sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head as she laid a kiss on the back of his hand. Derek flipped off the lights to set the mood as their movie began.

(xxxxx)

A few days later, Spencer woke up to the sound of a guitar playing. He rolled out of bed and wandered into the living room. He stood in the doorway and peered into the living room. Carter sat on the couch playing different cords and stopped every few seconds to write something. When she finished, she'd place the pencil in her mouth and strum the guitar again.

"Before I fall too fast, hmmmm hmmmm make it last," she sang softly with the pencil still in between her teeth.

She growled and scribbled at her notes.

"That sounded great," he said startling her.

She glanced over her shoulder caught off guard.

"Did I wake you?" she asked with concern.

He shook his head no as he walked closer toward her.

"I'm struggling to find the words I want to say. I mean, they are there. I feel them, but I can't get them out on paper right," she sighed.

"What do you have so far? Maybe I can help?" he offered.

"You write music?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, but I have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory. I'm a pretty quick learner," he said matter-of-factly, without any hint of bragging.

"Alright, but … it's about … you," she said blushing. "So, don't laugh."

Spencer looked at her in surprise. She seemed to shy away from him.

"You're writing a song about me?" he said.

"Well, yea. You're my inspiration," she said shyly.

Spencer smiled bashfully as he sat next to her on the couch. Carter took a deep and nervous breath as she began strumming her guitar. She stopped.

"Ok, I don't have an opening yet and it's not finished," she rambled.

Spencer gave her a look and she nodded her understanding that she should just shut up and play. She started strumming her guitar again.

" _See this heart, won't settle down_ _  
_ _Like a child running scared from a clown_ _  
_ _I'm terrified of what you do_ _  
_ _My stomach screams just when I look at you_

 _But you're so hypnotizing_ _  
_ _You've got me laughing when I sing_ _  
_ _You've got me smiling in my sleep_ _  
_ _And I can see this unraveling_ _  
_ _Your love is where I'm falling_ _  
_ _But please don't catch me_

 _So now you see, why I'm scared_ _  
_ _I can't open up my heart without a care_ _  
_ _But here I go, it's what I feel_ _  
_ _And for the first time in my life, I know it's real"_

She stopped singing and looked at Spencer, who was staring at her enthralled. She looked around the room nervously.

"Well?"

"That was … you … you wrote that about me?" he stuttered.

She nodded quickly. Her heart was racing as she watched him process her words.

"Carter … that was … beautiful," he said.

"But?"

"No, buts," he assured her.

"There's something more you want to say though, isn't there?" she said.

"That's how you feel? What you wrote?" he asked.

She put her guitar down and look down at her bare feet.

"I know it's a lot to hear and overwhelming. I don't mean anything by it or to pressure you," she said worriedly.

"Carter, this … it's not going to last," he said suddenly.

"What? Why?" she asked as she placed the guitar on the table.

"Because you … you're you and I'm me and that's just the way it goes," he said as if that explained it.

"I'm not sure I follow?" she said scrunching her face in confusion.

"Carter, you are beautiful and honestly, the complete opposite of me. You aren't awkward or weird. You could have any man in the world and why you would choose me baffles me every moment of every day," he said.

"Are you kidding me? Spencer, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have never met a man who's treated me the way you do with no ulterior motives. From the moment I looked into your gorgeous brown eyes, I saw something special.

The way you held me when we danced at Lila's wedding was gentle and respectful. The way you never tried to take advantage of me. The way you opened up your home to me. The way you genuinely care about what I have to say.

You have done nothing, but show me how much I mean to you. How you care about me. Not the celebrity me, the real me. I love you, Spencer. I love you so damn much it scares the shit out of me," she confessed as a few tears dropped down her cheek.

Spencer sat in stunned silence as he watched her crying in front of him.

"I can't," he said barely above a whisper.

Carter's face dropped in devastation.

"It's ok, you don't have to say it just because I did," she said as more tears streamed from her eyes.

"I told you when we met that I can't fall in love. Carter, we can't do this. We can't be together," he said jumping up from the couch.

"Spence," she sobbed.

"No, Carter, no! You don't understand! This is for your own good," he insisted.

"My own good? What are you talking about?" she cried.

"My job … it … I see death nearly every day and it extends into our lives. I listened to my unit chief's wife get murdered because of our job. J.J.'s husband was shot and held hostage, my old mentor's girlfriend was murdered, Maeve was murdered.

Do you get it? This is what happens. Our lives breed tragedy and I can't let that happen again. You are safer away from me. Away from all of us," he said before storming from the room.

He went into his bedroom and slammed the door. Carter ran over and tried to turn the knob but it was locked. She slid down the closed door and sobbed hysterically. She didn't know what was going on, but her heart was broken.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: The song Carter is trying to write is called Catch Me by Demi Lovato_


	6. The Broken Hearts Club

Carter stood outside in the pouring rain. A car pulled up to the curb and she hopped in.

"Are you alright? What happened? Penelope asked.

Carter burst into tears again as Penelope reached over to console her.

"Did you and Spencer have a fight?" Penelope said as she rubbed her back.

Carter couldn't form any words to respond. She was crying too uncontrollably and was too heartbroken.

"Please just take me to the airport," she sobbed.

"Oh, honey, don't run away," Penelope said. "Why don't you come stay at my house for the night? Let things cool down a bit."

Carter shook her head no.

"I'll call Emily and J.J. We can make it a girl's night. Have drinks, watch movies," she suggested.

Carter shook her head no again.

"Carter, please. If you want to go home tomorrow, I'll take you to the airport, but stay with me tonight, please," Penelope pleaded.

"Alright, but I just want to be left alone. I don't want company," Carter insisted.

"Ok," Penelope replied.

She pulled away from the curb and drove off towards her house.

(xxxxx)

Penelope could hear Carter playing the guitar in the spare room. Everyone once in a while, the music would stop and she would hear Carter crying. It broke her heart to hear her friend hurting and not being able to fix it. Her phone started ringing as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Jayje, any luck?"

"No, he won't answer. I called Morgan and asked him to go over and check on him," she replied.

"And?"

"He won't answer the door. Morgan said he'll keep trying," J.J. said.

"Things were going so well, I don't understand how it went bad so quickly," Penelope sighed.

"You can't get anything out of Carter?"

"No, I tried, but she just kept crying and saying they broke up. She hasn't come out of the room all night. She's just sitting in the room playing her guitar," Penelope said frowning.

"You want me and Emily to come over and see if we can help?" J.J. offered.

"No, she said she wants to be left alone. I'm afraid if I press her too hard she'll shut down even more or ask to be taken to the airport. The best thing I can do for her now is give her that space," Penelope replied.

"Alright, well keep me updated," J.J. said.

"Will do," Penelope said before hanging up.

(xxxxx)

Penelope sat at her desk staring at her phone. It had been a week since Carter had left in the middle of the night. She had woken the next morning to find a thank you note and an apology for leaving without saying goodbye. They all tried calling her, but she didn't return their calls.

Spencer was just as distant. He hadn't spoken to them, except when necessary for the job. His eyes were dark and showed that he hadn't been sleeping. They were all worried about him as they watched him slip into a deep depression.

If anyone tried to bring Carter up, he would leave the room or find anyway to avoid the conversation. He'd even snapped at Penelope telling her to "mind her own business and stop meddling in other people's lives."

"Hey, thought you could use a pick me up."

Penelope turned around in her seat to see Derek holding one of her favorite cookies from a nearby bakery. She gave him a small smile and took the dessert from him. She picked at it while staring at her phone again.

"Still nothing?" he said, though he knew the answer.

"No. I … I realize it's stupid and she's hurting, but I thought we were friends," she said sadly.

"She is your friend," he began.

"Then why is she ignoring me too? Why won't she talk to me?" she said in frustration.

"Baby girl, some people deal with their emotions by withdrawing. It isn't personal. Eventually, when she's ready, she will call you," Derek assured her.

The door to the lair swung open and Emily raced inside with J.J. hot on her heels.

"What's the fire?" Derek asked.

"Youtube … pull up youtube," Emily said.

"What's going on?" Penelope asked as she did as Emily requested.

Emily leaned over her and began typing something into the search box. Multiple videos popped up, but Emily clicked on the first one that appeared. It was a picture of Carter with a microphone to her mouth. The date at the bottom specified that it was filmed last night at a concert in New York.

Emily hit play and they all sat back to watch as Carter approached a microphone in front of a crowd of screaming fans. She wore all black and the usual joy that radiated from her was gone. She took a guitar that was handed to her and looked into the crowd.

"Normally, every time I do this song, I give a little speech. But tonight, all I have to say was … I love you," Carter said as her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked. "And I won't forget."

" _Did you forget_ _  
_ _That I was even alive_ _  
_ _Did you forget_ _  
_ _Everything we ever had_ _  
_ _Did you forget_ _  
_ _Did you forget_ _  
_ _About me_

 _Did you regret_ _  
_ _Ever standing by my side_ _  
_ _Did you forget_ _  
_ _What we were feeling inside_ _  
_ _Now I'm left to forget_ _  
_ _About us_

 _But somewhere we went wrong_ _  
_ _We were once so strong_ _  
_ _Our love is like a song_ _  
_ _You can't forget it_

 _So now I guess_ _  
_ _This is where we have to stand_ _  
_ _Did you regret_ _  
_ _Ever holding my hand_ _  
_ _Never again_ _  
_ _Please don't forget_ _  
_ _Don't forget_

 _We had it all_ _  
_ _We were just about to fall_ _  
_ _Even more in love_ _  
_ _Than we were before_ _  
_ _I won't forget_ _  
_ _I won't forget_ _  
_ _About us_

 _But somewhere we went wrong_ _  
_ _We were once so strong_ _  
_ _Our love is like a song_ _  
_ _You can't forget it_

 _But somewhere we went wrong_ _  
_ _We were once so strong_ _  
_ _Our love is like a song_ _  
_ _You can't forget it … at all_

 _And at last_ _  
_ _All the pictures have been burned_ _  
_ _And all the past_ _  
_ _Is just a lesson that we've learned_ _  
_ _I won't forget_ _  
_ _Please don't forget about us_

 _But somewhere we went wrong_ _  
_ _Our love is like a song_ _  
_ _But you won't sing along_ _  
_ _You've forgotten_ _  
_ _About us_ _  
_ _Don't forget_

The song ended and Penelope clicked the video shut as tears filled her eyes. She turned to talk to her friends, but stopped with wide eyes. Derek, Emily, and J.J. turned to see what she saw. Spencer stood not far behind watching them. His eyes held a mixture of hurt and anger.

"I asked you all to mind your own business," he said through his teeth before turning away and exiting the room.

Derek hurried after him, leaving the girls in the room.

"Kid, hold up," he called as he followed Spencer to his desk.

Spencer began gathering things and shoving them into his bag. Derek watched him with urgency.

"Come on, talk to us," he pleaded. "Stop pushing us away."

"Just keep snooping around and I'm sure you'll get all the answers you're looking for," Spencer snapped as he lifted his bag over his head.

"Reid, we weren't snooping," Derek said following him. "We're worried about you."

Rossi had been on his way back from getting coffee when he saw the commotion. He stood in front of Spencer, blocking the doorway.

"Rossi, move," Spencer said glaring at him.

"Not until you talk to one of us," Rossi insisted.

"You can't hold me hear against my will," Spencer replied defiantly.

"Is this about Maeve?" Derek asked.

Spencer turned around so quick, it startled Derek. He had never seen anger so deep in his friend's eyes before.

"Don't," he growled.

Derek put his hands up in submission and Spencer turned back to Rossi, who stepped to the side. Spencer plowed into the door and stormed off.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," Rossi said as he watched Spencer step into the elevator and disappear.

"What are we going to do? He is in deep," Derek said concerned.

Rossi stood for a moment considering something before waving Derek in his direction.

"I have an idea."

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat on the couch in his pajamas. He hadn't slept all night and despite the fact that he was still ignoring his friend's phone calls, he realized it was more to do with shame than anger. He hurt Carter and he hurt his friend's. It's all he ever seemed to do anymore was screw things up.

He stared at the book in his hand. He hadn't turned a page in at least ten minutes. He tried to focus again when he heard a knock at the door. He rolled his eyes at their attempt to get him to talk. They were persistent, if nothing else.

He snuggled further into the couch as he heard another knock at the door. He didn't move and didn't plan on it. Until he heard, "Spencer please open up."

He sat up and looked at the door. Clearly, he was hearing things. He got up and walked to the door, peering out the peep hole. He stepped back a little shocked, but schooled his face before opening the door. Carter stood in front of him in black sweat pants and a black tank top.

"Can I come in?" she asked softly.

Spencer stepped aside allowing her in. Carter walked into the room and turned to face him.

"Hey," she said not knowing what else to say.

"Hi," he responded.

"I'm not really sure where to start," Carter said as she nervously bit her cheeks.

"There isn't really anything to say," he said.

"Of course, there is. There's actually plenty of things to say, you are just too damn stubborn to say any of it," she snapped.

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration as she tried to control her emotions.

"I don't know what to do, Spencer. I trusted you and you turned out to be exactly like every other guy I've been with. At least with them I knew they were assholes, but you … I thought you were different," she said getting choked up.

"I'm just trying to protect you," he said defensively.

"From what? From you? Because right now, you are hurting me more than any gun could! Sure, I could die. I know that, but the pain of knowing the man I love doesn't love me back hurts more than any gun shot wound," she said as her voice rose.

"I never said I didn't love you," he snapped.

"You said and I quote, 'I can't fall in love with you. We can't do this. We can't be together'."

"You have no idea what I've been through," he said angrily.

"I know about Maeve," she said. "Lila called me."

His face twisted in a mixture of pain and rage.

"Don't," he growled, just as he had with Derek.

"Spencer, I am so sorry for what happened to her and for how much it hurt you," she said as he shook his head furiously.

"I said don't!" he said curling his hand into a fist.

"She wouldn't want this for you," Carter began.

"You don't know her! You don't know what she would've wanted! Nobody does because she's dead!" he shouted before launching the book in his hand across the room.

It hit the book case and tumbled noisily to the floor. Carter stood shocked in the middle of the room. She had never seen him this upset before. She wiped at the tears that streamed from her eyes before turning around. She started walking toward the door when Spencer's hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I … don't … I," he stuttered before pulling her into his arms.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to soothe him even though she was crying nearly as hard as she was.

"I can't lose you, Carter. I have dreams of you … you ending up like her and I can't bear it. I can't bear losing you," he sobbed.

She kissed the side of his head.

"You won't lose me, baby," she said as she pressed her forehead against his. "I'm not going anywhere."

He buried his face in her shoulder. Carter pulled back a little and grabbed his face in her hands. They looked at each other through red, swollen eyes.

"I love you, Spencer. Please, don't push me away," she begged as more tears slid down her face.

With that, Spencer grabbed her head and pulled her to his mouth. The two kissed hungrily, occasionally tasting the salt of one another's tears. When they parted, Spencer wiped the tears from Carter's cheeks.

"I am so sorry. For everything and … I love you too," he said staring deep into her eyes.

This brought another round of tears from Carter. This time they were happy and relieved tears. She pulled Spencer back to her mouth as she jumped in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. Spencer held her in his arms kissing her as they headed towards the bedroom.

(xxxxx)

 _If you want to see the video I used as inspiration for this scene – go to youtube and search Demi Lovato – Don't Forget Live. It's 4 minutes 42 seconds long and the title has cry. Mp4_


	7. The Soul Mates

(Warning: graphic sexual content)

The next morning, Carter woke up to find herself alone in Spencer's bed. She sat up, using the comforter to cover her body. She listened and could hear Spencer fiddling around in the kitchen. She slid out from under the covers and went to the bathroom to clean up. After brushing her teeth and pulling her hair up into a messy bun, she slipped into one of Spencer's t-shirts and exited the bathroom.

She walked toward the kitchen and saw Spencer standing with his back to her. He was by the stove cooking something. She walked in and slipped her arms around his waist, startling him a bit.

"That smells good," she said.

Spencer turned around in her arms to face her. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Good morning, I didn't wake you, did I?' he asked.

"No," she grinned.

"What are you making?" she asked trying to peer around him.

"Eggs, hash browns, waffles, and bacon," he said.

"Wow, you are going all out," she said, impressed.

"It's the least I could do. An apology doesn't seem sufficient," he said with guilt in his eyes.

"Baby, you don't have to apologize," Carter started.

"No, I do. The way I acted was out of line. I should have never treated you that way and to throw that book last night … I'm …" he said shaking his head angrily.

"Spencer, you're right. You shouldn't have thrown that book, but I understand why you did it. I mean you didn't throw it at me or anything and I know how badly you're hurting from your loss. I pushed you when you asked me to stop.

I will never make you talk about it unless you want to. Just promise that you won't let it destroy your life or eat you up inside," she said running the back of her hand across his cheek.

He nodded and kissed her hand.

"Now, turn around and check on your breakfast, because I think your eggs are burning," she said backing away.

"Damn it," he said turning to blackened eggs.

He picked up the pan and tossed it into the sink. He moved back to the hash browns and moved them off the burner. Next, he turned off the waffle maker.

"You distracted me from the perfect breakfast," he said, pouting.

"I'm sorry," she sympathy frowned.

"You should be. You were about to be blown away by my culinary skills," he said teasingly.

"Oh, really? That sure of yourself, huh? Mr. Gordan Ramsay, himself?" she joked as she played with his shirt.

"I don't know who that is, but now we'll never know," he shrugged making her giggle.

"Awe, well how can I make it up to you?" she said seductively.

"You can't. The day is ruined," he joked.

"Are you sure?" she said running her hand under his shirt and up his chest.

She could feel his excitement through his pajama pants. He reached down to pull her against his body. When he grabbed her butt, he stopped in surprise.

"Oh, sans panties? What are you trying to do to me?" he said.

"What do you want me to do to you?" she said slipping her hand down his pants.

His eyes shut and he leaned against the counter as her hand wrapped around his erection.

"I'm supposed to be making things up to you," he breathed out.

"Well, then make it up to me," she purred.

With that, Spencer pulled her hand out of his pants, lifted her off the ground, and carried her to the bedroom. When he dropped her onto the bed, he quickly slid out of his pants. Climbing on top of her, he attacked her mouth as he pressed against her entrance. He was too aroused for foreplay.

He slid his shirt up over her breasts and began to suck on them. Carter squirmed underneath of him, her hands clutching at the pillow under her head. He made his way back up to her lips before reaching between them to line himself up with her entrance.

He teased her gently with his dick as he slid it up and down her wet folds, thoroughly lubricating himself. When he brushed her clit, she moaned out loud. Their eyes connected and they stared lovingly and longingly at one another.

Suddenly, he pushed into her. Carter arched off the bed and wrapped her legs around his waist. Spencer pressed his lips against hers briefly, before pulling back to stare into her eyes again.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

Carter pressed her mouth to his hungrily. Their tongues fighting furiously as Spencer began to move inside of her. They broke apart to catch their breath, but neither breaking eye contact. Spencer took one of Carter's hands from around his neck and stretched it out so their fingers could intertwine.

"I love you," Carter said giving him a quick kiss.

Spencer began to thrust harder and faster into her. The sound of the bed squeaking, the slapping of their skin against skin, and Carter's moans of pleasure were all that could be heard. As he felt himself nearing the end, he unclasped their hand and put it between them.

He began to rub her clit in time with his thrusting. Carter grabbed the sheets beneath her and wiggled under him.

"Oh, fuck, Spence," she whimpered as the intensity took over her body.

"You are so beautiful. God, you are so fucking beautiful," he said as he adjusted his position.

"Yes, baby, right there! Oh, fuuuuuuuccccckkkkk," she squealed.

Spencer continued to pound into her, trying desperately to hold out for her orgasm. Suddenly, Carter seized below him and let out a part gasp, part cry. He felt her muscles squeeze his dick, throwing him over the edge.

He groaned in ecstasy as he rode out his orgasm. Her body milking his cock of all its' remaining seed. His eyes temporarily blinded by a white light. He dropped on top of her as the two of them tried to catch their breath.

When Spencer came out of his orgasmic state, he rolled next to Carter pulling her close to his body. He kissed her forehead, her nose, and then her lips.

"You are amazing," he said before kissing her again.

"Spencer, that was the most mind-blowing sex I've ever had. I've never felt something so incredible, so intense, and so … connected. I don't think I've ever felt closer to you," she said as she ran her hand through his messy hair.

"I felt it too, love," he said softly.

"You know what I think?" she said as a smile played at her lips.

"What's that?"

"I think that was our souls connecting. Spencer, you are my soul mate," she said as tears filled her eyes. "We found each other."

Spencer felt himself well up too. He swallowed hard before leaning forward to kiss her. They stayed that way the remainder of the day. Tangled together as one.


	8. The Concert

Penelope sat at her desk as usual the following morning, drinking a cup of tea and reading her horoscope on the screen in front of her.

"Knock, knock. Up for a visitor?"

Penelope spun around in her chair so fast she almost kept spinning. Her eyes were wide with surprise and joy when she saw Carter smiling at her from the doorway.

"Carter!" she squealed as she jumped up and practically bulldozed her over with a hug.

Carter laughed as Penelope squeezed her tightly. She pulled back suddenly, cupping Carter's face in her hands.

"You had me so worried, missy! I should be incredibly angry with you right now, but I'm just so happy to see that smiling face I can't be angry," Penelope said as she pulled her back into a hug.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out," Carter said as she held her friend. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Oh, I know that sweetness. So, you're here. You're back and you're smiling. Does that mean you and boy wonder have made up?" Penelope asked as she held Carter's hands in hers.

"Yes, we've made up," Carter grinned with a hint of a blush.

"Ohhhhhh," Penelope giggled. "I know that look. You definitely made up."

Carter playfully slapped her friend on the arm as they both giggled.

"I can't stay long, because I have to get back to New York, but I wanted to stop by and apologize. I also, wanted to give you and the others this," she said reaching into her purse and handing Penelope an envelope.

Penelope excitedly took the envelope and ripped it open. She pulled out a stack of tickets.

"They are for a private previewing of my new album in December. I'd love for you all to come as my guests and stay at my hotel, my treat," Carter said.

"Oh my gosh, Carter … this is amazing and so unnecessary, but absolutely appreciated and yes, yes, yes, we will be there! Well, I know I will! I have to tell the others!" she rambled happily.

Carter laughed as her friend bounced around in front of her like a child who just ate a pixie stick. She pulled Carter into another bone crushing hug, but she didn't mind because she loved them. They were slowly becoming more than friends to her. More like family that she never had.

(xxxxx)

The next two months went by quickly. Carter was hard at work in New York completing her album, while Spencer kept busy with cases that all ended with no injuries to any of the BAU team. After finishing a case late one Thursday night, Hotch allowed the team to take a few days off to visit Carter in New York for her album preview party.

Everyone had accepted the invitation except for Hotch and Rossi. As Rossi put it, "I see you knuckleheads too often. I'm going to use our time off to reflect on life without you. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Hotch had promised to take Jack camping with his boy scout troop and unfortunately, it fell on that same weekend.

So, Friday morning the team loaded up in two cars and headed for New York. Derek drove with Spencer, Will and Henry in one car, while J.J., Penelope, and Emily rode in the other car. The boys were grateful to avoid six hours of girls gossiping and carpool karaoke.

It was early afternoon when they arrived at the hotel Carter was staying at. She had booked them all rooms. Derek was sharing a suite with Penelope and Emily, while J.J., Will, and Henry had their own. Spencer was staying with Carter. When Derek opened the door to their suite, Emily and Penelope squealed.

"I've died and gone to a rich person's Heaven," Garcia sighed as she plopped down on the large leather recliner that sat in front of a big screen tv.

"Check this out!" Emily called from one of the bedrooms.

Penelope charged in and dropped onto the king size bed in front of her. Emily was already laying on the opposite side of the bed.

"Oh my gosh, this bed is amazing!" Penelope cried as she closed her eyes and relaxed into the soft bed. "Do you think they'll notice if I take it with me when we check out?"

Emily laughed as she sat up and peered towards the curtains near the bed. She stood and walked over, sliding the curtains open.

"Look at this view!" she gasped as she slid the door open and walked out onto the balcony.

It was a beautiful yet cold December afternoon with an icy breeze and clear blue skies. Penelope appeared seconds later with a gasp.

"So, this is what it feels like to be rich," she said in awe.

"Hey, sexy ladies. Care to celebrate with a drink?"

They looked to the right to see Derek standing on the living room balcony holding up a bottle of wine. Emily and Penelope both grinned and hurried back into the room to take him up on the offer.

(xxxxx)

Spencer stood in front of the floor length mirror surveying his outfit. He wore black jeans, a black shirt with a dark gray jacket unbuttoned over it. He glanced over at Derek who wore black dress pants, a light blue button-down dress shirt with a thin black tie, loosely tied, and a black fedora on his head.

"You look cool. I wanna look cool," Spencer muttered under his breath.

"You are overthinking things again pretty Ricky. You look great and you know Carter will love it. Now let's go before we are late," Derek said as he walked into the living room of the suite.

"You ladies ready?" he called out.

Penelope sauntered into the room with a spin. She was wearing a pink floral dress with a jean jacket, black fishnet stockings, and black high heels. Derek let out a whistle.

"Look at this beauty," he said smiling at her.

"And you look delicious as usual," she said slapping him playfully on the shoulder. "Emily, come on!"

Emily came out of the bedroom hopping on one foot as she tried to slip her high heel on the other foot. She wore a black one-shouldered dress that rested just above her knees. She'd just got the shoe on when there was a knock at the door. Derek opened it and Spencer found himself hit in the stomach by a little blonde head.

"Uncle Spencer!" Henry cried as he wrapped his little arms around his waist. "Look at my suit!"

He stepped back to show Spencer his black pants, white shirt, and tie.

"Wow, Henry! You look so dapper," Spencer said smiling.

"What's dapper?" Henry asked confused.

Spencer opened his mouth to respond, but Derek cut him off.

"It means you look handsome, little dude," he said before Spencer went into a complicated, dictionary answer.

J.J. and Will walked into the room holding hands. J.J. wore a long-sleeved black dress, with her hair half up in a ponytail. Will looked identical to Henry, with dress pants, a white shirt, and tie. They all oo'ed and ah'ed each other before heading towards the lobby. Carter called earlier to let them know that a limo would be waiting to take them to the theater.

(xxxxx)

The group all sat down in the front row seats and couldn't help but feel important. They were in a VIP section and noticed a lot of fans watching them curiously.

"I think someone took a picture of me," Spencer whispered to Emily.

"They probably recognize you as Carter's boyfriend," she said.

"How? I thought nobody had been able to figure it out yet?" he said peering over his shoulder as another person took his photo.

"These are diehard fans, Spence. They know things like what color underwear Carter's wearing right now," she teased.

He slouched down in his chair, feeling uncomfortable with the attention.

"Maybe they are just taking pictures of the stage," Emily offered, in hopes to ease his nerves.

"Maybe," he shrugged.

After a twenty-minute wait, the lights had dimmed and the crowd went wild with screams. Carter hadn't even walked out on stage yet and it was deafening. Spencer felt his heart rush to his throat when he saw her walk out from the stage wing. She looked beautiful.

She wore black pants, a rock-and-roll t-shirt with a black sparkling jacket over it. She had some sort of lavender sheer piece on that peered out from under the jacket and draped to her feet.

"Hi," she said in the mic with a beaming smile. "Thank you so much for coming out tonight to support me. I've been working really hard on my new album and it's nearly complete."

She stopped as the crowd began screaming again. She smiled as she looked around the crowded theater.

"We'll preview some of my new songs and of course, sing some of your old favorites. I am incredibly proud of this new album as it's the first time I've ever been able to write and help produce each song that is on the album.

I was able to be completely real and raw with each song I wrote. I got personal regarding some struggles I've dealt with in the past, I've shared my strength of breaking free and finding who I am as a person, and I found a love that surpasses any romance novel ever created.

I am allowing you all to step into a piece of my world and feel the amazing journey I have taken. I hope that you'll feel inspired, comforted, and connected when you listen to my songs. So, without further ado, I'd like to start the night off with what is to be my newest single."

The music began to play and Carter nervously prepared to sing. She glanced up and grinned at J.J. who waved inconspicuously at her making Carter smile. (1)

 _The day I first met you_ _  
_ _You told me you'd never fall in love_ _  
_ _But now that I get you_ _  
_ _I know fear is what it really was_

 _Now here we are_ _  
_ _So close, yet so far_ _  
_ _Haven't I passed the test_ _  
_ _When will you realize_ _  
_ _Baby, I'm not like rest_

 _Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Wanna give your heart a break_ _  
_ _I know you're scared it's wrong_ _  
_ _Like you might make a mistake_ _  
_ _There's just one life to live_ _  
_ _And there's no time to wait, to wait_ _  
_ _So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break_ _  
_ _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_

She looked up at Spencer as she sang and couldn't hold back the smile at seeing his face among the crowd for the first time. She had to look away and close her eyes so she wouldn't be distracted. (2)

 _There's just so much you can take_ _  
_ _Give your heart a break_ _  
_ _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_ _  
_ _Oh yeah, yeah_

 _On Sunday you went home alone_ _  
_ _There were tears in your eyes_ _  
_ _I called your cell phone, my love_ _  
_ _But you did not reply_

 _The world is ours, if we want it_ _  
_ _We can take it, if you just take my hand_ _  
_ _There's no turning back now_ _  
_ _Baby, try to understand_

 _Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Wanna give your heart a break_ _  
_ _I know you're scared it wrong_ _  
_ _Like you might make a mistake_ _  
_ _There's just one life to live_ _  
_ _And there's no time to wait, to wait_

 _So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break (3)_

Carter laughed and smiled when she saw Henry waving frantically at her. She waved back as she continued to sing.  
 _  
_ _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_ _  
_ _There's just so much you can take_ _  
_ _Give your heart a break_ _  
_ _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_ _  
_ _Oh yeah, yeah_

 _When your lips are on my lips_ _  
_ _Then our hearts beat as one_ _  
_ _But you slip out of my finger tips_ _  
_ _Every time you run, whoa-oh-whoa-oh-oh_

 _Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Wanna give your heart a break_ _  
_ _I know you're scared it's wrong_ _  
_ _Like you might make a mistake_ _  
_ _There's just one life to live_ _  
_ _And there's no time to wait, to wait_

 _So let me give your heart a break_ _  
_ _Cause you've been hurt before_ _  
_ _I can see it in your eyes_ _  
_ _You try to smile it away_ _  
_ _Some things you can't disguise_ _  
_ _Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Baby, I can ease the ache, the ache_

 _So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break_ _  
_ _There's just so much you can take_ _  
_ _Give your heart a break_ _  
_ _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_ _  
_ _Oh yeah, yeah_

 _The day I first met you (4)_ _  
_ _You told me you'd never fall in love_

She made sure to make a face at Spencer, singing the ending to him. She smiled at him as she could see him chuckling at her words. She was happy that he wasn't offended by her writing songs about him. She saw Emily grab his hand and nudge him playfully.

The rest of the concert went great. Her vocals were strong and smooth that evening. Spencer was shocked by how many of the songs were about their relationship. She'd even finished the song they had worked on together in the living room before their fight.

When the show ended, a security guard approached them and ushered them all backstage. They could hear whispers of jealousy and curiosity as they followed the guard onstage and behind the curtains. He took them down a hall filled with workers cleaning up from the performance and straight to a door with Carter's name on it.

The guard knocked on the door and waited. He heard Carter call out "come in," so he opened the door and stepped aside to let the team in. Carter was sitting on a white leather couch drinking water. She jumped up when she saw them all filing in.

"Hey!" she greeted excitedly.

"Carter, you were amazing!" Penelope cried as she rushed to hug her.

"Oh, thank you! I'm sweaty! I'm sorry!" Carter apologized.

One by one they all hugged her anyway, Spencer waiting to be last. He pulled her in close and gave her a quick kiss.

"You were incredible," he said softly.

"Really?" she responded shyly.

"Absolutely," he said before leaning down to kiss her again.

This time they didn't separate as quickly. J.J. cleared her throat as the others chuckled lightly.

"Keep it G, you two. There's a child present," she teased.

Spencer and Carter pulled apart immediately. Carter giggled as Spencer blushed and stepped away from her. Henry was laughing at them.

"So, what did you think Henry?" Carter asked him.

"I wanna play the drums!" he said excitedly.

"Don't any of you get any ideas about buying him a set," J.J. said as she pointed around the room.

Everyone laughed.

"You guys ready to go see some of New York's nightlife?" Carter asked as the laughter died down.

"I'm ready to show this city some DM swag, baby," Derek said using his thumb and pointer to pinch his shirt and pull on it.

"Oh, please! Don't hurt yourself," Emily groaned as the laughter picked up again.

"I bet I get more phone numbers tonight than you," he said folding his arms across his chest.

"Oh, it's on!" Emily said.

"Alright, I guess that means we are ready," Spencer said.

Carter walked over to the door and swung it open. She peered into the hallway and seconds later a man in a suit appeared in the doorway.

"Brian will take you guys to the limo. I'll be there in a minute. I want to change and freshen up," she said.

Everyone nodded and followed the chauffer out of the room, while Spencer stayed behind with Carter. Once the door closed, she locked it and walked over to the attached bathroom. Spencer heard the faucet turn on and one-by-one clothing could be seen being dropped onto the floor.

He sat down on the couch and leaned back as he waited. After a moment, Carter emerged using a towel to dry off the top half of her body that she clearly washed in the sink.

"I wish they had showers," she groaned as she tossed the towel onto the vanity.

Spencer swallowed hard as he stared at her nearly naked form. She wore black lace underwear and a black bra only. She grinned at the look on his face. She walked over and straddled his lap.

"You look sexy tonight," she said tugging at his jacket.

"You … too," he said as he tried to keep himself under control.

She leaned over and nibbled on his ear. Spencer's eyes closed as goosebumps covered his flesh. His hands instinctively running up her back.

"Carter … everyone … is … waiting … for us," he said as his pulse raced.

"They can wait. I'll tell them we got held up by fans," she said as she nibbled on his neck.

"We really should go," he said as he felt himself growing weaker.

Carter sighed as she gave his neck one more lick.

"Alright, if you say so," she pouted.

"Don't get me wrong, I clearly don't want to go right now. I mean, that's pretty evident," he said looking down at the lump in his jeans.

Carter giggled.

"But, I don't want to be rude and keep everyone waiting," he said.

"You're right, but later tonight we will pick up where we left off," she said as she slid from his lap and walked towards the rack of clothing.

Spencer closed his eyes and thought of anything that would make his throbbing erection go away.

(xxxxx)

 _In the song, if you go to youtube and search Vevo Demi Lovato Give Your Heart a Break Live. I've marked where in the song it looks like she's interacting with J.J, Henry, and Spencer._

 _1) J.J. interaction at 0:08_

 _2) Spencer interaction at 1:05_

 _3) Henry interaction at 1:56_

 _4) Spencer interaction at 3:25_


	9. The Club

"A round of drinks on the house," the owner of the club said as he placed a tray in front of the group.

"Thank you," Carter said to him.

Derek and Emily jumped right in to grab their drinks. J.J. was sipping on water, which indicated that her and Will must be trying for a second baby again. Spencer held a beer in his hand, while Carter chose to drink a fruity number. Penelope stood up with her drink and began tapping it with a spoon.

"I want to thank Carter for inviting us on this amazing trip! For showing us a good time and performing the hell out of that show tonight!" Everyone hooted and hollered at that. "We are happy to call you our friend and look forward to many more nights of fun together! To Carter!" she toasted.

Everyone lifted their drinks and clinked them together. Derek and Emily had both finished their drinks.

"You ready to get this bet started Pinocchio?" Emily asked as she flicked his hat.

"What's the terms?" Derek asked.

"Ok, you can't ask for their number. They have to offer it to you or ask for your number. It can be man or woman," she said grinning at him.

"No low balling the other person. You can't interfere," Derek said.

"And let's say we meet back here in an hour. The winner gets …" she paused to think.

"If I win you have to admit at work in front of everyone that I'm the sexiest man on earth," he said knowing how much she would hate doing that.

"Deal. If I win, you have to wear something that I pick out for you to work and wear it the entire day. Even if we are on a case," she said smirking at him.

"Deal."

"Alright, on your marks, get set, GO!" Penelope called out as the two raced off into the club to work their magic.

"Those two crack me up," Carter laughed as she sipped her drink.

"Oh yea, hilarious," Spencer said sarcastically.

"You wanna go dance?" Carter asked Spencer.

"No," he said as he looked around the club shyly.

"Baby, please," Carter begged.

"There's a lot of people. You know I don't know how to dance," he said still looking around nervously.

"Please, for me," she said batting her eyes at him with a pout on her lips.

"I'm sorry, I just can't," he said ashamed.

Carter tried to give him an understanding smile, but the disappointment was obvious.

"Why don't the girls go dance?" Penelope suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

"Sure," Carter said as she tried to smile.

She leaned over and gave Spencer a quick kiss before walking off with Penelope and J.J. He slumped in his seat as he watched the girls dance in a triangle together. At one point, Emily stopped by, but she quickly parted when she noticed a guy watching her.

He, also saw a few guys ask Carter, what he assumed was to dance and every time she said no. He felt really guilty for not having the courage to dance with her in front of all these people. He couldn't bare to be humiliated in front of her. But he still felt awful at declining a request she clearly wanted.

He slid out of the booth and walked over to the girls. He saw Carter's eyes light up, which broke his heart further.

"Change your mind," she grinned.

"Um, no I just … I'm going to head back to the hotel. This really isn't my thing, but I want you to stay and enjoy yourself," he said as she visibly deflated.

"No, Spence," she started.

"Please, stay. The girls are having a good time and you deserve to have a little fun. I promise I'm alright. We can spend all of tomorrow together," he said with a sincere smile.

Carter seemed uneasy and debating what to do. He grabbed her hand and leaned over to give her a gentle kiss.

"Please enjoy yourself. I'll be waiting for you whenever you come back," he said.

Carter watched him go with sad eyes, but she didn't follow him. J.J. and Penelope immediately tried to get her back into a happy place.

(xxxxx)

Carter opened the hotel room door and noticed all the lights were out. She figured as much, since it was 3am. She slipped off her heels and made her way quietly to the bedroom. She noticed a low flickering light coming from underneath the door. She turned the door knob and slowly opened it and gasped.

The room was lit with multiple candles, there were rose petals all over the floor and the bed. Romantic music was playing softly.

"Welcome home."

Carter spun toward the bathroom where Spencer stood holding a bouquet of roses in his hands. He walked toward her, wearing the same clothes he'd been in all evening.

"Spencer … what … what is this?" she asked as tears filled her eyes.

He handed her the flowers, which she took and smelled.

"You wanted to dance with me," he said as she cradled the roses. "And I don't ever want to disappoint you because you deserve the world and I will do everything I can to always give you that. Even if I have to find a creative way to do it."

Carter smiled and placed the roses down on a nearby dresser. She walked over to him and placed her arms around his neck.

"You could never disappoint me," she said as a single tear slipped from her eye.

Spencer cupped her cheeks in his hands, using his thump to brush away the tear.

"I love you, Carter. More than words could ever properly express," he said gently.

"Well, maybe you should let something else express it," she flirted.

He smiled at her as he moved his hands to her hips and took one of her hands in his.

"First, we dance," he said with a grin.

Clutched in his arms they moved slowly to the music. Both snuggled in close together. Carter rested her head on Spencer's chest and he placed his head on top of hers. They moved slowly in a circle as the music played on.

Carter lifted her head and looked up into Spencer's loving eyes. She pulled him down to her lips and slowly kissed him. Taking her time to savor the taste of him. As their tongues played with one another, Carter pushed Spencer's jacket off.

He slid his hands slowly down her arms, before spinning her to face in the other direction. She felt his warm hands unzipping her dress. His finger tips trailed up her spine and into her hair. He gathered it all together and gently placed it over her right shoulder.

She glanced over at him as he slid the left strap of her dress over her shoulder. His other hand laid on her belly as he pressed his lips softly to her skin. Little kisses and licks from one end of her shoulder and back up to her neck. His hand rising to caress her breasts from the outside of her dress.

Carter leaned into him with a sigh as he continued to explore her upper body. After a few moments, she felt his other hand move to the right shoulder strap and slid it off. It slipped down her body and pooled around her feet. She twisted her head to capture his lips, but he only gave her a few seconds before moving away.

She felt his hands unhook her bra and she shook herself out of it before he could get a chance to do it. He gave a small chuckle.

"Eager?" he asked as he kissed her earlobe.

"Yes, uh, you are torturing me," she said as she grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast.

He gave it a gentle squeeze and slowly rolled his palm over the nipple teasingly, making her moan.

"If it's torture, I can stop," he said with a grin.

"No! God, no!" she said as she placed her hand over his and helped him massage her harder.

"Then let me explore you and show you how much I love you," he said as he pressed his mouth to her neck and gave a small nip.

Carter moaned as he licked the bite. He moved his mouth to her back and slowly kissed his way down her spine. When he reached the edge of her lace panties, he looked up at her. She was looking down at him with desire and he gave a smile as he kissed the dimple above the waist band.

He slid his hand around her waist to hold her still as his other hand pulled her panties down at an agonizingly slow pace. He ran his hand over her backside and finally got the underwear completely off. He moved back up Carter's body, enjoying the view and leaving kisses along the way.

When he reached her, she spun around and pulled him to her forcefully. Her mouth attacking his ferociously, while her leg lifted to his hip so her wet center rubbed against his engorged cock. Spencer's hand hooked under her leg to help hold her in place as she grinded against him.

He let out a moan of his own, giving her the drive to start unbuttoning his shirt. She only unbuttoned three before she tugged it over his head. She had no patience to unbutton them all at the moment. She just wanted him in her now!

"Baby, baby, slow down," Spencer said as Carter started unbuttoning his jeans.

"No, I need you now! I want you to fuck me, Spencer," she said as she tugged the zipper down.

His hands shot to her hands and gripped them tightly.

"Carter, wait, no. I don't want to fuck. I want to make love to you. I want this to be romantic, not like some animals at the zoo," he said as he stepped back from her.

"But I don't understand. How is us having sex in general not romantic?" she said genuinely confused.

Spencer smiled at her and stepped forward again to hold her hands. He linked their fingers and pulled her into his arms.

"To me, romance is in the way we connect with each other. It's every gentle caress and touch. It's every stolen kiss and savoring each taste. Carter, you will always be more to me than a fuck. A fuck is what you do when you need to get off and it doesn't matter if it's with someone else or yourself, you just need the job done," Spencer explained as he placed his forehead against hers.

"I'm not saying that there aren't going to be times where things escalate quicker than others, but sometimes I just want to take a moment to enjoy the fact that some how life made a mistake and I got the prom queen," he said.

"Oh, Spence," Carter said as tears slid from her eyes. "Baby, life didn't make a mistake. You are exactly where life wanted you to be and I …"

She stopped and gave a wavering smile as she tried to control herself. Spencer sniffled, as he too was caught up in the emotion.

"I thank God every day that I found you. I've lived my entire life with half a heart and now … I have the other piece and … and … I'm complete," she said breaking.

Spencer pulled her to his lips and kissed her as they both cried together. They continued to kiss and hold one another until they both got their emotions under enough control. Carter pulled back and wiped at her cheeks as Spencer did the same.

They both laughed gently at the situation. After a moment, of staring into each other's eyes, Carter smiled.

"Ok, make love to me," she said softly as she pulled Spencer to the bed.

That was where they spent the rest of the night and morning. Tangled together, enjoying one another until neither of them had anything left to give. Completely and utterly exhausted and hopelessly in love.

(xxxxx)

 _Thank you guys so much for the amazing compliments! This chapter had a TON of different changes! It went from a fight with paparazzi, to a fight at the club – to me realizing it didn't need something terrible to happen – it needed something beautiful._

 _I must say I have to thank fingerless for your comments. You have really pushed me to try and make this the best story I can. I find myself thinking over everything I write to make it as believable as possible and hopefully, to live up to what you've always wanted to read. I am glad you are enjoying it and thank you for your support!_

 _Also a HUGE thanks to ethanjakelexi and tannerose5_


	10. The Present

_This was a fun chapter to write. Hope you enjoy – just a warning it is rated M for a reason, but if you've gone this far, I'm sure you don't mind at all._

(xxxxx)

Spencer and Carter sat at the hotel restaurant waiting for their friends. They were leaning into each other, legs tangled together, hands clutched, foreheads touching. Every few moments they would give each other a gentle kiss. Spencer lifted his hand to cup the side of Carter's face. His thumb stroking her cheek, while his fingers settled into her hair.

"Why even sit in separate chairs?"

Carter and Spencer turned their heads, the rest of them remaining as is, to see Derek, Emily, and Penelope watching them.

"Leave them alone, Mr. Jealousy," Emily said slapping Derek on the shoulder.

"I am not jealous. I would just like to eat breakfast without watching two teenagers make out," he said as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

Emily rolled her eyes and took a seat next to Carter.

"J.J. is on her way. They were having trouble waking Henry. Will found his Nintendo DS in bed with him this morning. They figure he stayed up late playing it under the covers," Emily explained as she grabbed a menu.

As everyone looked over the menu, Spencer and Carter went back to admiring one another. Whispering I love you's into each other's ear. More kisses. Suddenly, Carter shrieked and jumped back from Spencer in shock. Water dripped down the side of her and Spencer's face. They both looked over at Derek who was wiping his fingers clean.

Clearly, he had dipped his hand into the water glass on the table and flicked it on them. Spencer glared at him, while Carter wiped her face with a napkin. Emily and Penelope glared at Derek, as well.

"You looked like you needed to be cooled off," Derek shrugged.

Carter handed Spencer the napkin and untangled herself from him, turning to face the table properly.

"Better?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, much better," Derek said before Penelope whacked him on the back of the head. "What the? Garcia, really?"

"You're lucky I don't do worse. Mind your manners," she snapped at him as though she was his mother.

"Me? What about them?" he said like a guilty child.

Before anything else could be said, Will, J.J. and Henry arrived. Henry ran straight to Spencer to give him a hug and sit next to him.

20 minutes into breakfast, everyone had broken off into suggestions for the day's activities. There were talks of Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Empire State Building, 9/11 Memorial. There were lots of people and lots of requests. As Emily and Derek bickered over where they should go first, Spencer remembered something.

"Hey, I forgot to ask, who won the bet?"

Carter and Penelope burst out laughing. By the look of the scowl on Derek's face and the smug smile on Emily's face, it wasn't hard to deduce who actually won. Probably explained some of his disgust at the earlier make out session.

"Emily creamed him," J.J. said.

"She did not cream me," Derek said a bit irritated.

"I got 21 numbers, he only got 9," Emily laughed.

"21!" Spencer said in surprise.

"It was so easy. There was a bachelor party. I went over and flirted a bit, showed some boob and they were asking me to come to other parties and get togethers. That right there got me 14. It really wasn't hard to get the rest. I even picked up 4 girls," Emily said with a smile.

Carter and Penelope were laughing hysterically at the memory of this. Derek's arms were crossed and he was clearly not amused. Henry laughed and said "Aunt Emily said boob." To which, J.J. and Will both tried to shush him.

"I want a rematch," he said.

"Name the time and place. I will always win," Emily said with a grin.

"If we want to see all these places before it's too late, we need to get going," Spencer said as he looked at his watch.

Everyone agreed and began finishing up the remainder of their meal as quickly as possible. It was a cold winter day, but once again the sun was shining brightly and not a cloud in the sky.

(xxxxx)

Carter groaned as they walked into the hotel room. She tossed her purse onto the couch and flopped down onto it with a sigh. Spencer trailed behind her and eventually took the spot next to her.

"It wasn't that bad," he said with a gentle smile.

She looked up at him as if he was crazy and just told her that the moon was green and made of bananas.

"Spencer, we hardly got to see anything! We were mobbed wherever we went by fans. You guys never get to visit New York and you spent half the time waiting for me to take pictures or sign autographs. It sucked," she said with a frown.

"Ok, but think of all the people you made happy today," he said.

"It's not the fans, Spence. It's not that I didn't want to make them happy, it's just that it cut into your time. Like I said, you missed half of the New York experience because of me," she replied.

"Babe, I didn't miss a thing. Spending time with you is all I need," he said as he grabbed her hand and held it.

"Sure, maybe for you, but the others – "

"The others had a great time. Garcia bought bags full of clothes, Henry got to ride on the horse and wagon and watch it and a homeless man poop in the street," he began.

Carter couldn't help, but chuckle at that memory. J.J. and Will tried so hard to cover his eyes, but the damage had been done. The dirty bare ass mooned them and their son saw the entire thing.

"Emily bought souvenirs and presents on practically every street corner. Morgan got to flirt with some of your fans and they even took pictures with him, so his ego was inflated," he said as Carter giggled again. "So, don't be so hard on yourself. It would have been cool to see those sites, but what we did see was memorable and that's all that matters."

"You forgot the bird that stole Morgan's hotdog," Carter said softly.

"See, these are all things we are going to laugh about for years to come. No one is going to remember not seeing the Statue of Liberty or climbing to the top of the Empire State Building. They'll remember Morgan running through the park after a bird like a crazy person."

"How do you do it?" Carter asked.

"Do what?" he said furrowing his brow.

"How do you always make me feel better?" she said as she scooted closer to him.

"It's a gift," he replied as he gave her a peck on the lips.

"I'm going to go take a shower and then you want to snuggle in bed and watch a movie?" she asked as she stifled a yawn.

"That sounds great," he said as he felt a yawn approaching, as well.

"Ooor, we could shower together," she said leaning forward to nibble on his ear.

"Hmmm, I do need to shower and it would conserve energy," he said with a smile.

"In that case, it's the only appropriate thing to do for the environment," Carter said as she stood up and pulled him towards the bathroom.

(xxxxx)

Departure came too soon. The team was already in the car, buckled and ready to go, while Spencer stood holding Carter.

"I don't want you to go," she said as tears slid down her cheeks and dripped onto his jacketed shoulder.

"I know. I don't want to go either," he said sadly. "But it's only another two weeks until Christmas."

"Hey love birds, wrap it up," Derek yelled out the car window.

Spencer glared at Derek before turning back to Carter. He held her face in his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. Leaning forward he gave her a tender kiss that had the girls in the other SUV aw'ing. They broke the kiss apart to see the girls watching them happily.

"I better go. I'll call you when I get home," Spencer assured her.

"Ok, be safe. I love you," she said pulling him back to her lips one more time.

"I love you, too," he said as he reluctantly let go of her and climbed into the SUV.

Carter stayed on the sidewalk waving until they were out of sight.

(xxxxx)

Carter pulled into Rossi's driveway around 8 o'clock on Christmas Eve. It had just begun to snow and she was happy to have made it before the roads became too dangerous. She knew Spencer would be worrying himself to death inside. She went around to the trunk of her SUV when someone's hands grabbed her around the waist.

She squealed in surprise and heard Spencer chuckling behind her.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he said as he placed her back down.

She spun around and threw her arms around his neck.

"It's ok, just glad it was you," she said before kissing him, almost desperately. "I missed … you … so … much."

She spoke in between the kisses as Spencer held her tightly in his arms.

"I missed you too," he said with a smile as they separated. "Let me help you with those and let's get inside where it's warm."

He helped her grab the multiple, giant bags she had with her and they carried it into the mansion. Everyone cheered and smiled as Carter walked into the room.

"Hey everyone, Merry Christmas," she said happily.

Penelope, as usual, was the first to get to her. Her arms shot around her in a big bear hug.

"It's so good to see you," Penelope said. "You want something to drink?"

"Not at the moment, but thanks," she said as she continued around the room hugging everyone.

"Carter, did you bring me something?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Henry!" Will scolded.

Carter just laughed and smiled at the young boy.

"Of course, I did. I wouldn't forget my second favorite man," she said rustling his hair.

"See, dad. I knew it," Henry said to his father, who called him over to talk about manners.

"Did you bring me something?" Rossi teased as he held out his arms.

"Who could forget my third favorite man," she joked back as they embraced.

"Hey!" Derek pouted nearby.

"Oh, don't worry Derek, you are a close 7th," she said with a grin.

"That hurts baby girl, that really hurts," he said with his hand over his heart.

"Ah, you'll forgive me when you see what I got you," she said making him smile like a child.

For the next hour, they all sat around talking and enjoying each other's company. Emily and Carter spent most of the night together, while Spencer stuck around J.J. and Will.

"I hate to interrupt the fun, but I have to get Jack home. Santa will be making his rounds soon," Hotch said as he looked at his watch.

"Oh, right! Before you go, let me hand out my gifts," Carter said as she ran to the bags. "Spence, hun, can you help me?"

Spencer nodded and walked over to go through the bags with her. They started handing the items around the room. Henry and Jack got to go first. Henry got a motorized scooter, a skateboard, protective gear, and a skate ramp for beginners. Jack got the complete set of Jurassic World Legos, including a massive T-Rex that was battery operated.

J.J. and Will, as well as Hotch received an all-expense paid trip to Disney World, date of their choosing. Rossi got tickets to the World Series. Penelope got tickets for two to the San Diego Comic Con, hotel and food including. Derek got an all-expense paid cruise for him, his mom, and his sisters. This actually made him tear up. Finally, Emily, the girl who had everything, received a matching bracelet and necklace.

"Oh my gosh, Carter …" she said, as the usually stone-faced Emily choked up.

"What is it?" Penelope asked as she leaned over.

"These belonged to my great-great-grandmother. They were passed down through our family and I was supposed to be the next to inherit them, but when my mother got into a fight with my grandmother she sold them. I was devastated," Emily said as her eyes were glued to the jewelry. "How?"

"I have my ways," Carter grinned.

Emily stood up and walked to Carter.

"I don't even know how to thank you," she said softly, afraid of breaking in front of the others.

"No thank you needed. Merry Christmas, Em," she said as they hugged.

"Well, on that note, before we all start crying. I'm going to head out," Hotch said. "Carter, this was incredibly kind of you."

"Thank you, Carter!" Jack said as he hugged her.

"You're welcome. Both of you," she said. "Thank you all for being so accepting of me."

"You make it easy," J.J. said as she stepped in for a hug.

Before long, everyone had left, Carter and Spencer included. It was nearing 11 o'clock when they got back to Spencer's apartment.

"You better hurry and get to bed so Santa can put your presents under the tree," Spencer joked as he placed her suitcase into the bedroom.

"I hope Santa brought me a sexy, FBI agent. I can't wait to unwrap that present," Carter flirted.

"Not sure he could swing that one, but he did find a great coffee mug that says I love my boyfriend," he said.

Carter laughed as she placed her bag filled with presents by the tree.

"Oh, then I better get to bed! I would hate to miss out on that coffee cup," she grinned as she walked toward him.

He held out his arms and she stepped in, fitting perfectly into his arms. Spencer kissed the top of her head as she snuggled against him.

"I'm going to get my jammies on," she said as she stepped past him and slapped his butt.

"I'll be in in a minute. I'm going to get the coffee ready for morning," he said.

As he finished setting the timer and prepping the coffee maker, he heard Carter behind him clear her throat. He turned around to see her leaning seductively in the doorway, wearing a red lace g-string and a red open-front baby doll lingerie top.

"Excuse me, sir. I know it's late, but I am looking for a Dr. Spencer Reid," she said with a sexy, playful tone.

Spencer never did anything like this before, but he decided to go for it. He felt safe with Carter and there was really no hiding how much she was turning him on right now.

"What can I do for you at this late hour?" he asked as he walked out of the kitchen and toward her.

"I was asked to deliver something to him," she said as she moved to meet him in the middle of the room.

"Oh? And what, may I ask is it?" he said as he stood in front of her.

"Are you Dr. Spencer Reid?" she asked as she batted her eyelashes at him.

"I am."

"I need you to sign here first," she said as she peeled open the middle of the lingerie top.

Spencer looked down at her stomach, not overly sure what she was asking him to do, but he figured he'd wing it. Couldn't really go wrong. He got down on his knees and place his hands gently on Carter's lower back. He looked up at her and saw her watching him with an incredible amount of lust in her eyes.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her belly. He heard her suck in her breath, making him smile. He slowly stuck out his tongue and used it to spell his name in cursive across her stomach. While he did this, her hands tangled in his hair and she squirmed a little.

He gave her belly another gentle kiss before standing back up. Carter looked momentarily at a loss for words. But she blinked a few times a smile crossed her lips. She grabbed his hand and led him to the bed, where she pushed him down.

She climbed onto the bed and leaned over him. Bracing herself on either side of his head. Their faces close to one another. Spencer could feel the heat between them and tried for a kiss, but Carter stayed just out of his reach. Dodging each attempt with a sly smile.

"Uh, uh, uh, Dr. Reid," she said as she stood up. "This is strictly a present for you."

"But, the outfit … that's not the gift?" he said, feeling his dick harden to uncomfortable length in his pants.

"Oh, that's part of it, but not all of it," she said as she leaned over and began loosening his tie.

She slowly slid the tie off and sat on his lap.

"There is a rule with this present," she said as she ran her finger over his lips.

He watched her intently as he started to grow more desperate to kiss her. Carter smirked and held up the tie in her hands.

"There will be no touching," she said.

"Wait, what?" Spencer said.

Carter grabbed his right arm and tied his tie around his wrist. Spencer watched her with sudden fear. She must have sensed a change in his breathing, because she stopped tying his wrist to the headboard railing and looked down at him.

"Hey, it's ok. It's just fun. I won't hurt you, I promise," she said, dropping the character she had been playing.

"Um," was all he could say as he looked up at his one tied wrist.

"Babe, if you feel uncomfortable or I'm doing something you don't like, we can stop. Just say Santa and the game is over," she said as she ran her hand along his cheek gently.

Spencer seemed to think it over. He looked from his wrist to Carter and slowly nodded.

"Ok," he said timidly.

"I promise, you will love it," she said as she bent over and gave him a kiss.

When they broke apart she took his other wrist and lifted it to the railing and tied it the same as the other. She pulled on them to see if they were tight enough and then smiled at him.

"You ok?" she asked.

He nodded, though she could still see the hesitation in his eyes.

"It's not too tight?" she checked.

He shook his head no.

She leaned forward and gave him what was supposed to be a quick reassuring kiss, but turned into a feverish, tongue battling kiss. She felt Spencer instinctively try to touch her, but was unable to because of the restraints. She sat up on top of him with the grin from her previous role-playing character.

"What's the matter?" she teased as she ran her fingers along his face, over his lips, and down to his covered chest.

She slowly undid the buttons of his shirt and brushed it open. She ran her hands up and down his chest and torso, leaning forward occasionally to place kisses and licks along his skin. When she licked and nipped at one of his nipples, he let out a groan.

"Does that feel good, Dr. Reid," she asked as she sat up on his chest.

Once again, he tried to move only to be stopped by the tie.

"Were you wanting to touch me, Dr. Reid?" she asked as he nodded.

Carter slowly slipped out of the lingerie top. Her breasts bouncing into place as he looked on hungrily. She ran her hands up her body and grabbed her own chest. She let out a fake moan as she massaged herself over him.

"Oh, Dr. Reid, if only the rules didn't say you couldn't touch," she said.

"Rules were made to be broken," Spencer said as he licked his lips.

Carter had to keep herself from laughing. She hadn't expected that from him. Instead she leaned over him and stared into his eyes.

"Hmm, that is true," she said. "But not just yet."

He groaned in frustration, which only fueled Carter more. She wiggled down his body and stopped when she reached the hard lump in his pants.

"Well, what is this?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

She moved a bit further, making him moan in pleasure, until she was just below him. She slowly undid his belt and yanked it off, tossing it to the side. Spencer watched her with desperation in his eyes. She unzipped his pants and tapped his side to get him to lift up.

He obeyed immediately and allowed her to tug off not only his pants, but his briefs as well. She tossed them to the floor and let out a pretend startled gasp.

"Oh, Dr. Reid, you are so hard," she said as she grabbed his dick in her hands.

He let out a mixture of a moan and a sigh as she rubbed her hand up and down his engorged shaft.

"I can't possibly let you go on like that. Your cock is in need of immediate rescue," she said with feigned concern.

To Spencer's utter surprise, Carter bent between his legs and ran her tongue up the bulging vein of his dick. He groaned at the feel of someone's mouth on his member. No one had ever done that for him before. The few women he was with only wanted basic sex and that was it.

"Oh, Carter … fuck," he moaned as she put the entire thing into her mouth.

He flopped back onto the pillow as he got lost in the feeling of her lips surrounding him and her tongue licking, swirling, and flicking its way along his sensitive skin. She alternated between bobbing her head, sucking the skin, and humming while her tongue teased.

He wanted his hands free so badly. He wanted to tangle them in her hair and pin her to him, which was an odd feeling for him. It seemed very animalistic. She continued for some time, when he felt himself nearing the end.

"Carter … I'm … I can't hold …" he said as he tried to form a sentence.

Carter didn't seem to hear him. She started moving faster on him, her hand now fondling his balls, which sent him in a whirl. His sight was growing blurry and he was beginning to shake.

"Move, move," he said as he felt the end.

But again, she didn't move and it was too late to stop it. He exploded into her mouth as she continued to move against him. He wanted to be mortified, but he was too high at the moment to deal with that emotion. He groaned and panted as he emptied himself into her.

He didn't know when she stopped or how long he'd been out of it, but at some point the room came back into view and Carter sat on top of him, smiling at him.

"So, did you like your gift?" she asked proudly.

"I did, oh fuck, I did," he sighed, still a bit dazed, but then he remembered what he did. "Oh, Carter, I'm sorry! I tried to get you to move, but –"

Carter placed her finger on his lips to stop him. He looked at her quizzically.

"I heard you just fine. I wanted to do that. What did you think?"

"I've never … had anyone do that … to me before," he stuttered.

"Swallow?" she said, furrowing her brow.

"Well, yea, but like the whole thing," he said.

"That was your first blow job?" she said surprised.

He turned red and nodded.

"Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad I was your first and I'm glad you liked it," she said with a smile.

"I loved it," he amended, making her giggle. "Can I ask a favor though?"

"Yea?"

"Can you untie me now? I really need to kiss you," he said.

Carter laughed and leaned forward to untie him. He immediately grabbed her and pulled her down to him. His mouth frantically kissing her, tasting himself on her tongue, which oddly didn't bother him. After a few minutes of making out, Carter pulled away with a dreamy smile.

"Let's get some rest," she said, placing a small kiss to his chest.

"But … what about you?" he asked.

"I told you, tonight was about you. I don't want you to do anything to me," she said. "I just want to snuggle in your arms tonight and fall asleep to your heartbeat."

Spencer smiled and pulled her close.

"That can be arranged," he said as she positioned herself perfectly in his arms.

"Merry Christmas, Dr. Reid," she said as she snuggled into him.

"Merry Christmas, Ms. Carter," he replied as he kissed the top of her head.

They both drifted off to sleep, holding each other tightly.


	11. The Death

_Apologies for the long wait! I had a tough couple weeks and then got stuck on where I should go with the story. I was back and forth on whether to write the chapter the way I did, but I'm just going to go with it. Hopefully, you like it._

 _This is out of order with the TV show, but I had my reasons and I never really follow the order anyway. Enjoy and thanks for reading! xoxo_

(xxxxx)

Carter moaned in her sleep. The feeling of pleasure coursing through her body as she slept. She could feel Spencer's fingers lightly brushing her sensitive nub.

"Oh, Spencer," she sighed in her dream. "That feels good."

The pressure he applied got harder and she was squirming under his touch. As her breathing increased, she slowly realized that she was actually waking up and this wasn't a dream. Her eyes fluttered open to see Spencer leaning on his propped-up hand, while his other hand was under the covers caressing her.

"Well, good morning," she chuckled as she bit her bottom lip.

"Morning," he replied with a smile.

"I thought I was clear that my gift didn't include reciprocation," she said as her eyes closed at the weight of the pleasure.

"That was last night. It's a new day," he said huskily.

"Semantics dear Spencer," she said as she wiggled under his touch.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he said seductively.

"Don't you dare stop," she said as her eyes popped open, making him through his head back and laugh.

She smiled at the sound. She loved the way his eyes wrinkled and his grin spread from ear to ear. He had such a beautiful smile. When his head returned to original position, he saw the way she was watching him. For a moment, he could honestly see the love in her eyes.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. His plan had been to return the oral favor, something he had yet to do in his life and yet now all he wanted was to be inside of her. He climbed on top of her and pushed himself into her tight, wet middle.

What had started out as a plan for a calm morning, quickly turned into a desperate and needy cry for one another. Both Spencer and Carter were left calling each other's names into the dark bedroom until they reached their orgasm.

After as they lay holding one another, Spencer felt the guilt of what he did come over him.

"I'm sorry," he said gently.

Carter didn't answer right away, which worried him immensely.

"Umm, I'm trying to think of a reason you would have to apologize and I can't think of a single reason. Would you like to enlighten me?" she finally said.

"This was supposed to be a gift for you," he said with disappointment.

"And why do you think it wasn't a gift? I certainly enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure your neighbors know I enjoyed it too," she said grinning.

"But it wasn't like … like what you did," he said sadly.

Carter sat up and ran her hand along his cheek.

"Spencer, this morning was exactly what I needed. I am glad you joined in the fun with me. I don't want you ever to deprive yourself that pleasure because you think you owe me something," she said.

Spencer stared at her with a shy smile.

"Sometimes I worry that none of this is real. That you are just a figment of my Schizophrenia break and I'll wake up one day and you'll be gone," he said.

"Aren't Schizophrenic breaks filled with delusions that are frightening and stressful?" she asked narrowing her eyes thoughtfully.

"Yea, but maybe I got the like happy Schizophrenic break?" he said, before they both chuckled at the absurdity of it. "Ok, maybe not. But it still seems surreal to me. I mean, you are the sexiest person I've ever met, you are incredibly kind, smart, talented, and you are mine. It seems like something out of a fairytale."

"Who's to say that there can't be real life fairytales? Our pasts certainly have lead us on a journey that many princes and princesses have been on. So why don't we deserve a happy ending?" Carter said as she snuggled into Spencer's arms.

"My life is full of nightmares come alive. Fairytales don't really seem all that possible in our world," he said as he ran his hand gently along her bare back.

"Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I'm possible," she said.

"Audrey Hepburn," Spencer replied.

"Yes, and she's right. When we stop believing in possibilities, we stop living," Carter said. "And we are proof that fairytales do exist. I'd say happy endings exist too, but we aren't ending, we are just beginning," she said kissing his cheek.

"You are some kind of amazing, Carter Lynn Mason," he said smiling at her.

They kissed briefly, before Carter slipped out of the bed.

"Well, since it's morning, let's get to those presents, shall we?"

Spencer smiled and followed quickly behind her.

(xxxxx)

The rest of December and half of January flew by. Carter and Spencer hadn't seen much of each other due to their jobs. Spencer had been traveling for a number of cases, while Carter was busy preparing for her 3-month tour rapidly approaching.

It was a bit after 11pm when the jet landed from the latest case. Spencer was exhausted as he climbed into his car and leaned back into the seat to catch his bearings. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed Carter's number.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" she greeted.

"Tired," he replied. "How are you?"

"Same. We have another three songs to rehearse before calling it a night," she said.

"That's good. I checked with Hotch and if we have no cases this weekend I'll head up to visit," he said as he pulled out into the street.

"Yay! I miss you!" she said excitedly.

"I miss you too," Spencer said with a smile.

"Everything alright? You sound more than tired," she asked.

"Yea, I'm alright. A little worried about Emily," he said.

"Is she ok?" Carter asked with concern.

"I don't know. She's acting strange. She keeps sneaking off to answer phone calls and I noticed she's biting her nails again. She does that when she's stressed," he explained.

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"Of course, but you know Emily … well all of us really. No one talks about their problems," Spencer said.

"That's true. You want me to try?" she offered.

"Certainly, can't hurt any," he said.

"Well, I know it's hard, but try not to worry too much. It's probably some girl nonsense or her mom," Carter tried.

Spencer smiled at her attempt to ease his mind.

"Maybe," he replied.

"I have to get back to work, but I'll give her a call tomorrow and let you know what I find out. Until then, try to relax. Don't let that beautiful brain of yours get ahead of itself," she said sweetly.

"I'll try," he chuckled.

"I love you," she said sincerely.

"I love you too."

(xxxxx)

Emily was sitting at her desk staring at the papers in front of her, but not seeing any of it. Her mind was on Ian Doyle and the safety of her friends and family. Spencer sat at his desk, glancing at her constantly, trying to figure out what to do or say. He knew she was keeping something from them, but what?

Emily jumped when her cell phone rang, startling Spencer in the process. She gave him an apologetic smile as she picked up her phone and hurried off. She looked at the number as she walked away and sighed in relief when she saw it was Carter.

"Well, hey stranger," she said, putting on her best happy voice.

"Emily, how are you? I miss you," Carter said.

"I'm doing well. We miss you too, particularly a skinny bookworm that sits near me," she teased, making Carter giggle. "How goes the tour prep?"

"It's going great. We are about four weeks out to the start and I'm dying to hit the road. It'll be hard though, not seeing Spencer as much," she said sadly.

"But just think, after you are taking a month off, so that's exciting," Emily encouraged.

"Yes, I can't wait for that part! It'll be wonderful waking up to Spencer every day," she said. "So, how are things in DC? How's handsome boy?"

"Spencer's good," Emily joked, as Carter laughed. "Oh, you meant Sergio. He is mischievous and spoiled rotten, as always."

"That sounds about right," Carter giggled. "How's the love life going? Any men entering the palace lately?"

"Sadly, no. Been too busy, so the palace has been growing lots of vines," Emily said as they both laughed, though hers was forced.

There was an awkward silence following the laughter.

"Em, is everything ok? You seem … off," Carter said, being sure to not include any of Spencer's suspicions.

"Yea, I'm fine. Tired, but that's part of the job," Emily lied.

"You know you can always talk to me about anything. I won't share with Spencer if you ask me not to," she promised.

Emily smiled at her kind-hearted friend. She clutched the necklace Carter gave her in her hands and took a deep breath. She felt herself choking up, but she swallowed it down.

"I know and I appreciate it," she said with a surprisingly steady voice.

"Ok, well, I will let you get back to work. Tell Spence I'll give him a call later tonight," Carter replied.

"Will do and thanks," Emily said softly.

"For what?"

"For being a good friend. You are a rare human being Carter and I am so glad I get to call you my friend," she said as a tear slid down her cheek.

She quickly wiped it away and collected herself. Carter was quietly trying to figure out what to say, when Emily interrupted her thoughts.

"I'll talk to you later."

She hung up the phone and went off to the bathroom to get herself under control. Back at the desks, Spencer received a text. He looked down to see it was from Carter.

C: Something is definitely wrong with her, but she wouldn't open up about it. I still don't think it's anything serious. Just keep an eye on her and give her time. She'll open up eventually.

S: What did she say?

C: I don't have time to type it all and rehearsals are about to begin. I'll call you tonight.

S: Ok, love you.

C: Love you too

(xxxxx)

It was only a week later when Carter's phone rang. She was in the middle of rehearsing, but had just sat down for a breather.

"Hey baby, I only have a few minutes, what's up?" she said.

Her heart stopped. She could hear Spencer breathing heavily on the other end.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" she said sitting up straighter.

"She's dead," he whispered into the phone.

"What? Who's dead? Spencer, talk to me honey," she said.

"Emily. Emily's dead," he said bursting into tears.

"Oh my God," Carter sobbed as her body began to shake.

Spencer couldn't speak, he just cried uncontrollably. She took deep breaths and held herself in check. Spencer needed her now, she couldn't break down like this.

"I'm coming to you. I'll be there as soon as I can," she said.

(xxxxx)

Carter unlocked the door to Spencer's apartment. The only light was the small table lamp that sat next to his couch.

"Spence?" she called out as she tossed her bag down by the door.

She saw his arm wave from the couch, but he didn't move or say anything. She hurried over and dropped down onto her knees in front of him. He was snuggled in his bathrobe staring blankly into space. His eyes red and swollen, the dark circles more prominent than usual.

She threw her arms around him and gently ran her hands along his back as he sobbed into her chest. She had to fight not to cry along with him. Between the pain he was suffering and the loss of Emily, she was hanging by a thread.

"It's ok, sweetheart, I'm here," she whispered.

They stayed that way for some time. Spencer clutching Carter tightly in his arms until he was so exhausted he fell asleep. She stood up and grabbed a nearby afghan to cover him. Sleep was out of the question at the moment, so she went to the kitchen to busy herself.

(xxxxx)

Spencer's eyes fluttered open. It was amazing how the second he woke up, the hollow feeling of Emily's loss was right there waiting to consume him again. He felt empty and sore. His eyes burned and his stomach churned.

He lifted his arm to look at his watch. It was a little after 6am. He remembered Carter coming last night, but she wasn't in the living room with him. He sat up on the couch and walked to the bedroom to look for her, but she wasn't there.

He wandered back through the living room and to the kitchen. It was there he found her. He watched as she pulled something out of the oven. It smelled delicious, despite not being hungry. She placed the item down and shoved something else into the oven, before she turned and jumped in surprise.

"Oh, Spencer!" she said with a hand on her heart. "You scared me."

"Sorry," he said softly.

She walked forward and pulled him into her arms. He gently placed his hands around her waist and laid his chin on her shoulder. There was so much she wanted to say. There was so much running through her mind and yet, all she could do was hold him. Because that was what he needed and he was more important right now.

"What are you making?" he asked.

"Uh, well, I made blueberry and raspberry muffins. I made a pound cake, an apple cake, chocolate chip cookies, and some cinnamon rolls," she said as she let go of him.

"Wow," he said as he looked around the kitchen. "Did you sleep at all?"

"On the way here," she lied. "I talked to J.J. last night. Everyone is meeting at Rossi's today –"

"I don't wanna go," he said instantly.

"Spence, it'll be good to be around the others," she said gently.

"Why? So, we can cry all over each other? No. I want to stay here. If you wanna go, then go, but I'm not going. End of discussion," he said as he left the room.

Carter sighed and turned back to her baking.

(xxxxx)

Spencer stood in the shower not moving. He just stood under the stream and let the water run down his face. He could still see Emily being wheeled into the hospital. Still here the words J.J. said. He had an eidetic memory, but this was … this was Maeve all over again. It was more vivid and more haunting then other memories.

"Spence?"

He heard here distantly, but he was too depressed to respond. The door to the shower opened and he felt her hand touch his back gently.

"Babe, it's … you've been in here for a while," she said with concern.

For some reason, that was all it took to break him. He began to cry again. He felt Carter's arms wrap around him from behind. He felt her head rest on his back. She didn't say anything, she just let him cry. After he'd let out all the emotion he had in him at the moment, he felt Carter rubbing her hands along his arms and then his back.

"Turn," she said softly.

He slowly spun in place and noticed that she was in her bra and underwear. Her hands were soapy as she lathered up his chest. She washed everything except his privates, because this was not meant to be sexual and she didn't want to stir anything.

"Tilt," she said as she placed her finger under his chin.

He dipped his head back and he heard her squirting shampoo into her hand. She massaged his scalp and gently rinsed his hair. The water shut off and he looked up to see her climbing out of the shower. When he stepped out, she dried him off with his towel.

She took the clothes that sat on the sink and helped him get dressed. Then she took his hand and lead him into the bedroom. She folded back the covers and he climbed into it, immediately curling up like a child.

Carter walked off, but returned a short time later in her own pajamas. She climbed into the bed and pulled him to her. He rested his head on her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair. He listened to her hum softly to him as tears slid down his cheeks again. It was another night of crying himself to sleep, but he felt some peace at having Carter by his side.

(xxxxx)

The funeral was over and everyone had gathered at Rossi's home following it. Spencer sat quietly on the couch, Carter never leaving his side. She talked with Will and J.J. for a while, Henry had stayed with a sitter, while Spencer stared into space.

"Would you like something to eat?" Carter asked Spencer gently.

"No, I'm ok, thank you," he said.

Carter watched him sadly, before patting his leg and standing up.

"I'll be back in a minute," she said walking off.

Will and J.J. watched her walk away.

"How is she doing?" J.J. asked.

Spencer snapped out of his daze and looked at her.

"Uh, she's as good as can be, I suspect," he replied with a shrug.

"You suspect?" J.J. said with a furrowed brow.

"I … uh … she's kept herself pretty busy since she's been here," he said, trying to think about the past few days.

"Has she cried?" J.J. said, confusing Spencer.

"What?"

"Has she cried at all?"

"Of course, she's cried. What kind of question is that?" Spencer said defensively.

"Spence, I'm not trying to insinuate anything. I'm asking because she looks like she's holding the weight of the world and … at the funeral … she didn't cry … she watched you the entire time," J.J. said gently.

Spencer thought back to all his encounters with Carter since Emily's death. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen her cry. In fact, she seemed to be running on a strange sort of auto-pilot. She was very attentive to his needs, but he hadn't seen her take a moment for herself.

"Spencer, I have a feeling that Carter is trying to be strong for you. Perhaps too much so, that she is not allowing herself to grieve the loss of her friend," Will interjected. "Sometimes, we feel it's our duty to protect our loved ones from pain at our own expense."

Spencer realized that what Will said, was clearly from personal experience. He nodded his understanding and stood up to go find Carter. He went into the kitchen, where he found Penelope making a plate of food with Hotch.

"Hey sweetie, are you hungry?" Penelope asked as she held up her plate.

"No, thank you. Have you seen Carter?" he said.

"Last I saw her she was with you," Penelope said.

Hotch nodded his agreement. Spencer walked into the dining room where some of Emily's friends, Derek, and Rossi sat.

"Hey kid, come join us," Derek called out.

"Actually, I was looking for Carter. Have you seen her?"

"Check the wine cellar. She went to get some Cabernet Sauvignon for Ambassador Prentiss," Rossi said.

Spencer nodded and walked off. He walked down the winding staircase to the wine cellar. The lights were on, but they were very dim. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard a soft whimpering. He followed the sound, until he found Carter leaning against the stone wall by a large rack of wine bottles. Her face buried in her arms as her shoulders shook.

His heart dropped as he realized Will was right. He had been so wrapped up in his own pain, he never stopped to consider Carter's pain. Though he knew Emily longer, Carter had grown incredibly close to her. They often spent nights talking on the phone and occasionally snuck off to see movies together.

No words would help her at the moment, so he just walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Carter gasped and jumped, nearly out of her skin. She wiped at her face furiously and sniffled away her sadness.

"Spencer, babe, sorry I was just getting some wine," she said, as if she hadn't been crying.

Spencer didn't say anything. He just looked at her and held out both his arms. She looked at him quizzically for a moment, before she lost all of her composure and fell into his embrace. She sobbed hysterically against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I tried so hard to be strong. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"Shhhh," he said as he stroked her hair. "It's ok. Let it out."

"I miss her, Spence. I know it's not the same as you, but I miss her. That phone call we had … she was telling me goodbye … she knew this was going to happen … I could have stopped it … if I had listened to you …" she said as she hyperventilated.

"Carter, there's nothing any of us could have done. Emily, she kept a lot of secrets from us. We had no way of knowing how much trouble she was in and you are talking about a room full of profilers," he said as tears slid down his cheek.

"But, maybe if I had tried harder –"

"Maybe I could have tried harder. Maybe any of us could have tried harder, but the fact remains that she felt she needed to do this alone. I'm angry at her for that. She should have trusted us to be there for her. She should have trusted me," he said as he began to cry.

"Spencer, she did trust you. Emily was always stubborn about dealing with things on her own. She probably thought she was protecting you. Protecting all of you. You're right, we can't beat ourselves up over this. All we can do is remember the good times with her and try to move forward," Carter said as she pressed her forehead against his.

He nodded, but was too overcome with grief and anger to say anything at the moment. So, they just held onto one another, sobbing together. Letting out all the hurt they felt over the loss of their good friend.


	12. The Termination

_Thank you for the feedback as always! Hope you enjoy! Xoxo_

 _PS – song used in this is Lionheart by Demi Lovato_

 _(xxxxx)_

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Carter asked as she slipped into a pair of tight black pants.

"I feel pretty good tonight. I haven't even gone to see J.J," Spencer replied.

"Babe, that's great news. I'm so happy for you," she said.

"How is Boston?" he asked.

Carter had been on tour for a month and a half and was performing in Boston that evening. Due to both of their careers, they had only seen each other twice in that amount of time.

"It's freezing and I think I'm catching a cold," she said mopishly.

"You ok?" he said, picking up on her tone of voice.

"Yea, it's just different now," she sighed as she sat down on a nearby bench.

"What's different?"

"Touring. I love it, of course. It's been my dream since I was able to talk, but …" she paused as she tried to figure out how to say it. "I just … I miss you terribly. I feel guilty for not being there for you during this difficult time and I selfishly want you here with me to hold me at night. It's really all your fault for being so irresistible."

Spencer chuckled at the last part.

"I miss you too, but please don't feel guilty. J.J. has been a big help through all of this and you check on me any chance you get. Speaking of, I have a picture Henry drew for you. I'll save it for our next visit," he said.

"Awe, I can't wait to see it!" she said as her manager walked into the room and handed her a piece of paper.

She got a big smile on her face and clutched the paper tightly to her chest.

"I just got the news I've been waiting for, guess what?" she said.

"What?"

"I've been waiting to tell anyone, so I didn't jinx it, but I wrote three new songs to be added to an extended version of my album. We decided each week to reveal one of the new songs on the album. I'm going to perform one live this Friday at my concert in Los Angeles, the second one will be debuted on the Ellen Show and America's Got Talent, and the third one will be at my concert at Madison Square Gardens," she said.

"Carter, that is amazing! I am so proud of you!" Spencer said.

"I know you can't be there for the performances, but I hope you'll watch them."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he assured her.

"God, I miss you. I want to hold you in my arms so badly right now," she said, hugging herself tightly.

"I know, me too," he said, feeling the sadness wash over him. "But only 54 days until you are mine for an entire month."

"Yea, until you have to go away for work," she frowned.

"Carter, you knew this going into the relationship. Unfortunately, that's part of my job," he said.

"I know, doesn't mean I have to like it," she sighed.

"I'll take a week off though and spend it with you. Just the two of us, no interruptions," he said.

"Promise?" she said, almost childlike.

"I promise," he said.

"Alright, well, I have to go. I have sound check in ten minutes and I haven't even finished getting dressed," she said.

"Good luck and remember, I love you," he said.

"I know and I love you too."

(xxxxx)

"Garcia, hurry! I don't want to miss it!" Spencer said into the laptop that sat in front of him.

"I'm going as fast as I can. Your snipping is not going to speed anything up!" Penelope replied from the other end of the computer.

"What's going on?" J.J. asked as she approached Spencer's seat on the jet.

"Carter is performing her new song tonight at 8:50 on the dot. I promised her I wouldn't miss it, but I couldn't figure out how to access the live show," he said as a curious Derek made his way to the back of the plane as well.

"We have time, I'll get it working," Penelope said.

Within moments, a picture appeared on the screen and the sound of screaming fans erupted over the speakers. Everyone jumped a bit at the loudness as Spencer scrambled to turn the volume down a little. By now, Hotch and Rossi had wandered over to watch the show as well.

Carter was now visible on the screen wearing a black body suit that only covered her private parts. Her legs showing from thigh down to her knees, that were covered by black boots. The top half of her body suit was covered by a short-sleeved leather jacket.

Spencer blushed a little at her revealing wardrobe, but didn't have time to think long on it as Carter began speaking into the mic.

"One of the things I love most about touring is the chance to share new music with you all. Tonight, is one of those nights," she paused as the crowd screamed. "I think we can all agree that music has a way of touching our lives. It expresses our feelings when we find it hard to do so. It cheers us up when we are down or celebrates with us when we are happy.

"Music is a deep part of who I am and has always been the way I share my story. In the past year, I have gotten to know some pretty incredible people that have changed my life for the better. I have watched them give up their lives for others, both figuratively and literally."

Everyone on the plane looked at one another, knowing she was speaking of Emily.

"Their bravery, their loyalty, and their togetherness, inspires me every day. So, this song is not only dedicated to them, but it was written for them. They will always be amazing in my eyes. This song is called Lionheart," she said as the music began.

" _Your light is inside of me  
Like a raging roar  
Like an ocean born  
You're in my veins  
Your voice is serenity  
When the sun goes down  
And the strength I've found  
Is in my veins_

 _Our story binds us  
Like right and wrong  
Your hand in mine  
Marching to the beat of the storm_

 _And we walk together into the light  
And my love will be your armor tonight  
We are lionhearts  
And we stand together facing a war  
And our love is going to conquer it all  
We are lionhearts_

 _You're here like a silhouette  
When the darkness rules  
You're the brightest moon  
And I am safe_

 _The story binds us  
Like right and wrong  
Your hand in mine  
Marching to the beat of the storm_

 _And we walk together into the light  
And my love will be your armor tonight  
We are lionhearts  
And we stand together facing a war  
And our love is going to conquer it all  
We are lionhearts_

 _You're never far from where I am  
Like a lighthouse, bring me home  
You're never far from me  
Let your spirit glow_

 _And we walk together into the light  
And my love will be your armor tonight  
We are lionhearts  
And we stand together facing a war  
And our love is going to conquer it all  
We are lionhearts  
And we walk together into the light  
And my love will be your armor tonight  
We are lionhearts"_

Spencer felt a little prickle in his eye and blinked rapidly to hide evidence of it. He heard someone blow their nose and turned to see J.J. crying in Rossi's arms. Hotch was watching her, while Derek patted her back.

"That was really beautiful," Penelope said from the computer as she appeared.

She was wiping at her eyes too.

"That was something special," Rossi agreed. "I never thought there'd be a song out there written for the BAU."

Everyone chuckled.

"Please let Carter know we loved the song and appreciate her kind words," Hotch said before returning to his seat.

"I would say the same, but you know I'm just going to text her on my own," Penelope said before disappearing from the computer screen.

Everyone found their way back to their seats as Spencer pulled out his phone to send Carter a message.

(xxxxx)

The team had returned to the office to drop off their things before heading home. As usual, Hotch lingered behind to finish paperwork. As he sat at his desk, there was a knock at his door. He looked up to see his superior, Erin Strauss looking at him.

"Agent Hotchner, may I have a word?" she said, serious as always.

"Come in," he said as he put down his pen. "What can I do for you, this late in the evening?"

It was then he noticed she had something in her hand. She walked over to his desk and placed an open magazine in front of him. He immediately saw the pictures of Spencer and Carter from a few weeks ago when she had come to visit.

They were standing on a street somewhere in downtown DC. Two of the pictures were of them talking, two of them they were kissing, one of them they were walking somewhere, and one was of them laughing together. She added three more magazines to the desk.

Hotch looked up at Erin with a questioning look in his eyes. Where was she going with this? She didn't seem to be willing to state her reason for handing him that yet, as she just stared back at him.

"These are photos of Dr. Reid with his girlfriend," Hotch stated matter-of-factly.

"One of our agents is dating a celebrity?" Erin said with a furrowed brow.

"Yes ma'am. He has been for several months," he responded. "Is there a problem?"

"Aaron, one of our agents is in a tabloid. I don't see how you would even need to ask that question," she scoffed.

"It hasn't caused his work to be effected. It hasn't hindered any of our cases. In fact, if anything it has made him a better agent, as he has someone to go home to. Someone who loves and cares for him. Something he's never had before. So, I don't see how this is of any concern," he said.

"The higher ups have their concerns about the risk of leaked information," she began.

"Oh, come on! Until this point, they didn't even know about it. Dr. Reid is more than aware of what he can and cannot share with his significant other. There is no reason for anyone to be concerned about leaked information or breach of contracts," Hotch stated with frustration.

"Aaron, I know that you care about Dr. Reid and his well-being, but you need to look at this with an unbiased opinion," Erin said.

"As unbiased as the higher ups opinion of the BAU? They are always trying to target our team," he said angrily.

"That is a ridiculous accusation," she admonished.

"Really? This team is always being watched, evaluated, and investigated."

He paused and took a deep, calming breath.

"Look, I know what is expected of us and I always do what needs to be done to be sure we follow protocol to the best of our abilities. So, if I find there is a problem with Dr. Reid dating a celebrity, it will be addressed. For now, there is no reason to even have this on our radar," he stated.

"I understand and I believe you. However, they want to see some course of action," she started.

"Meaning?" Hotch said through his teeth, though he knew what was coming.

"For the safety and protection of all those involved, presently and in the future, if Dr. Reid would like to continue working with the BAU, he needs to terminate his relationship with Ms. Mason," Erin said firmly.

Hotch dropped his head and let out a humorless laugh.

"With all due respect, if you want to lose one of the greatest assets to the FBI over something so outrageous, you can be the one to tell him. I would also prepare to find an entirely new team, as I suspect others will follow Dr. Reid when he resigns," Hotch said.

"Are you threatening to quit?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"I'm just warning you. This decision had better be well worth it, because the outcome will be devastating to this bureau," Hotch said as he grabbed his things in anger and stood up. "Is that all ma'am? If so, I'd like to go home to my son."

"That is all Agent Hotchner," Erin said stiffly.

Hotch nodded and stormed from the office.


	13. The Demon

_Shorter chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy a bit of a Carter's backstory._

 _Thanks for the comments! Love reading your thoughts xoxo_

(xxxxx)

Erin Strauss was sitting at her desk early the following morning when she heard her door being closed. She looked up to see David Rossi glaring at her. Of course, Aaron would tell Dave what was going on.

"I don't need your input, Dave," she said as she held up a hand to stop him.

"Well, too bad. Someone needs to remind you what's at stake here, Erin," he said as he walked toward her.

"This is not my choice," she started.

"Don't feed me that line of bullshit. One of the things I've found attractive about you, Erin, has been your ability to never be pushed around. You've always spoken your mind, despite potential backlash and you've always been a strong, independent woman.

This is beyond low, even for the higher ups. You do not need to adhere to them regarding this nonsense," Rossi said, with a calm anger.

"Dave, this is my job on the line," she said.

"And you think your job won't be on the line when you lose six agents over an agent's love life? When you lose one of the founding members of the BAU, that happens to be a best-selling author?" he replied.

"Again, with the threats? First Aaron, now you?" she said.

"They are threatening to destroy Spencer Reid's life when he has done nothing but sacrifice it for this country. He has been kidnapped, tortured, shot, infected with anthrax, watched his previous girlfriend murdered in front of him and you want to take away the one damn thing in this world that makes him happy?

We give this country everything! We give our sweat, our blood, and our tears! And they have the balls to try and tell us who we can and cannot be with? We have to deal with a whole lot of shit with this job and now we have to deal with micromanaging our lives?

I am telling you right now, Erin. I will walk if anyone forces Spencer to choose between his job and the love of his life. I will not be a part of such a disgusting display of power. Their relationship is no danger to this job and if you chose to act as though it is, I will not stand by quietly," Rossi said as he angrily taped his finger repeatedly on the table.

Erin watched him with her jaw dropped. Rossi had always been one to speak his mind, but she'd never seen him this upset before. A part of her melted at his Papa Bear attitude. She'd always had a crush on Dave, but at this moment she might even dare say she loved him.

Without waiting for her response, Rossi turned around and stormed from her office, the same as Hotch had the night before. She wondered if she should expect visits from the other team members.

(xxxxx)

As expected, one by one, members of the BAU found Erin and gave her a piece of their mind. While all of them were incredibly upset, none of them were disrespectful to her. Not to say they took it easy on her, by any means, but she admired them for their courage to stand up for their team. Truth be told, she always admired their loyalty.

Sometimes being the middle man was difficult. She never showed it, but she hated when her bosses would expect her to scold the BAU for ridiculous reasons. Now granted, in the beginning she did dislike Agent Hotchner and she was less than thrilled when Emily didn't assist in getting him fired. But over time, she discovered she actually respected Aaron.

He proved to be a strong leader with a deep sense of value for not only the bureau, but his team. He was fair and yet stern. The team looked up to him and worked hard for him. They all worked together like a finely tuned machine. If one cog was out of place, they would work to fix it as quickly as possible. They were an underrated asset to the FBI.

She wandered into the bullpen and straight into Hotch's office. When she stepped into his room, he looked up with a questioning glare.

"I'd like to see you and your team in the conference room, asap," she said, before turning on her heels and walking out of the office.

30 minutes later, they were all gathered around the table, with Erin standing at the front of the room. The only one absent was Spencer. The team had agreed that he did not need to know about this. They didn't want him to stress or resign before they had a chance to fight for him.

"I'm sure you are all well aware of why I called you in here," she said after everyone settled down.

They all stared at her with clear disdain. She nodded when nobody spoke up and took a deep breath.

"I've thought a lot about what you've all said and agree that they are taking this too far. I have a meeting set up with the committee tomorrow afternoon to try and reason with them. I don't know that they will want to hear from any of you, but if you'd like to be present to defend Dr. Reid, be there promptly at 1:15," she said.

Everyone looked around at each other in disbelief. Was Strauss really going to defy orders and defend them?

"Defend me from what?"

The team turned to the doorway, where Spencer stood, clutching his bag.

"Reid, I told you not to come in until noon today," Hotch said.

"I had some work I needed to catch up on and I'm glad I did. What do I need defending from?" he asked again, as he looked from Hotch to Strauss.

"You are all dismissed. Reid sit down," Hotch said as the others immediately got up.

As they passed him, they patted him on the shoulder.

He sat down in one of the chairs and placed his messenger bag on the floor.

"What's going on? Did I do something?" he said confused.

Hotch looked at Strauss, indicating it was her mess to cleanup.

"Dr. Reid, I have been approached by the higher ups regarding your relationship with Ms. Carter," she began.

Spencer furrowed his brow and looked at Hotch before looking back at her.

"Oooookkkkaaaayyyy," he drawled out.

"They were concerned about the potential liabilities and risks with you being associated with a celebrity," she said as she considered her words. "I was tasked with telling you that you needed to terminate your relationship or lose your job."

Spencer's jaw dropped.

"What? This is a joke, right?" he said, stunned.

"It is not a joke. However –" she started, but was interrupted.

"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Spencer said loudly, and uncharacteristically.

"Reid, hang on," Hotch tried to intervene.

"Are you in on this too? Is everyone in on this? After everything Carter has done for you, you would allow them to do this?" he said angrily as he stood up, knocking over his chair.

"Reid, listen –" Hotch tried again.

"Dr. Reid –" Erin tried, as well.

"This is unbelievable! I can't believe you would do this to me. I'm done. I quit," he said as he grabbed his bag and turned toward the exit.

"Reid! Sit down!" Hotch yelled, causing not only Spencer to stop in his tracks, but Erin to stare at him wide eyed and mouth agape.

Spencer turned to look at Hotch, who was now standing, as well.

"We are on your side! The entire team threatened to quit if they did this to you! Strauss has a meeting with the committee tomorrow to defend you!" he said.

Spencer looked at them sheepishly. He looked down at the ground and peered through his messy hair.

"Really?"

"Dr. Reid, I have dealt with a lot of units of the years and I've never seen a team so protective of its members, as I have with your team," Strauss said gently.

Spencer turned red and looked back down at the floor.

"Even I would have to agree that your value here is well beyond irreplaceable. It would be a great loss if you left the team. It would be an even greater loss to lose you all. I would be a fool if I didn't admit that and do all that I could to stop that from happening," she said.

Spencer looked up with remorse in his eyes.

"That being said, I can't guarantee they will agree with me and change their minds. But I can assure you, that I will do all I can and I am sure your team will do the same."

Spencer nodded his understanding.

"Thank you and I'm … I'm sorry for my outburst," he apologized.

"No need. I deserved it and probably much more. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll need to go prepare for tomorrow."

With that, she walked out of the room, leaving Spencer behind with Hotch.

"Hotch, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I should've known you would defend me," Spencer said embarrassed.

"Reid, I know I'm a hard ass and I know I don't come across as the most compassionate person, but I hope you remember that I will always come to your defense. You are a valuable member of this team and when someone threatens you, they threaten all of us," Hotch said.

"I do know that, sir. Temporary insanity," he said.

A small hint of a smile hit the corner of Hotch's mouth, which made Spencer half smile in return. With that, Spencer nodded and left the conference room. He needed to go thank the others for having his back, as well.

(xxxxx)

"She wanted you to break up with me?" Carter said in surprise.

"Yea," Spencer said as he sat down to pick at his microwaved dinner.

"Well, that's fucked up. I mean, I guess I can understand the concern to an extent, but I would never share anything you tell me. I've never even said your name in public before," she said, slightly offended.

"I know and that's basically what everyone said."

Carter twirled her finger through her hair as she thought about what had happened. Spencer poked at the rubbery chicken in front of him, not feeling as hungry anymore.

"You know I would never do that to you, right?" she asked gently.

"Of course, I know that. It never even crossed my mind," he said.

Carter smiled as she snuggled into her hotel bed.

"So, tomorrow's the big day. How are you feeling?" Spencer asked as he finally started eating his dinner.

"Nervous," she hesitated. "There's something I should tell you."

"Oh?"

Spencer froze. He felt his pulse increase as he waited for her to share the ominous information.

"The song I picked for tomorrow … it's sort of personal and I never really talked to you about it before. About my past," she said hugging her pillow. "In fact, I've never told anyone. Not a single person."

Spencer put down his fork and leaned on the table to listen.

"When I was 10 my mom passed away from cancer, leaving me and my dad. He didn't take her death well and spent the next 3 years drinking and doing drugs to deal with his pain," she started.

He heard her take a shuddering breath.

"Carter –" he said, but she stopped him, by continuing.

"When I was about 13, I started maturing. My dad at first hated me, because he said I reminded him of my mother. He spent a lot of time away from home to avoid seeing me. One night it all changed. I was in my room doing my homework and he came home from God knows where.

He was drunk as usual and stormed into my room. I could tell he was different. My dad was gone and a new man emerged. He was a man with needs and I was forced to take care of that for him. For the next 4 years, when my dad wasn't using me to quench his sexual needs, he was giving me to his friends in exchange for drugs.

When I was about to turn 17, I ran away and began living on the streets. I made money by singing on the street in the day time and … I did some other things at night … things I'm terribly ashamed of, but I did what I had to, to survive.

On my 19th birthday, my friend encouraged me to go to an audition being held in LA. I went for the hell of it, and that's where I met Max, my manager. The rest is history," she said trailing off.

There was a moment of silence over the phone, before Spencer found his voice to speak.

"Carter, I … I don't know what to say. I am so sorry you had to deal with that," he said, still in a bit of shock.

"It's ok. I've realized that even though it haunts me deeply, it made me the person I am today. It made me stronger," she said.

"You are by far the strongest person I know," Spencer agreed.

"The thing is, I've held it all in for so long and it was eating me alive. I found myself struggling with loving myself and wanting to harm myself. Then I met you and … I felt the desire to live and the only way to do that was to deal with my demons.

When I wrote that song, it was like … the monster that hovered around me was slowly fading away. I could feel hope again," she said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

Spencer wanted to speak. To tell her how proud he was of her. How brave she was. But he couldn't seem to find the words. He just clutched his phone tightly in his hands and trembled at the anger he felt toward her father.

"I also want you to know that I don't have any STD's or anything. I'm sure hearing all the men that took me, that would be a concern and I can't blame you, but by some miracle I never caught anything," she explained.

"Carter, it's ok. I trust you," he said softly.

There was more silence over the phone until Carter sighed.

"I wish you were here right now," she said as she began to cry.

"I do too. I really want to hold you right now and make everything better," he said.

With that Carter began to sob. His heart broke being trapped so far away from her.

"I'm right here, sweetheart. Just keep me with you on the phone until you fall asleep ok? Pretend I'm right there with you," he said softly as he went to his own room to climb into bed.

"I love you, Spencer Reid," she said, as she laughed through her tears.

"I love you too. Now get some rest," he said pulling the covers over his body.

And that was how they fell asleep. With their phones on and both snuggling a pillow, pretending they were together.


	14. The Reveal

_Few things in this chapter. First is it follows the general storyline of the show, but I didn't feel like watching the episode and copying it word for word. So, I did my own wording and spin on things. Hopefully, it's still believable and fun._

 _The song in this chapter is Skyscraper by Demi Lovato, and both of the performances are real (as are all the others). You can find them on youtube under Skyscraper Live Ellen and Skyscraper live America's Got Talent._

 _Thank you for comments, it always pumps me up to continue writing. I've already started the next chapter, but I'm too tired to finish it tonight. Hopefully tomorrow! Xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Carter nervously took the stage on the Ellen Show. Her nerves were causing her to shake and she hadn't been able to get a hold of Spencer since the previous night. She really wanted to talk to him before performing, but when cases called him away, there wasn't much he could do.

She sat down on the piano bench and took a deep breath. She could hear Ellen welcoming everyone back from break and beginning to announce her. Before she could process much, she heard her band start playing and she followed suit.

The doors pulled open to reveal the large crowd watching her. In a panic, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine Spencer there in front of her.

 _Skies are crying_ _  
_ _I am watching_ _  
_ _Catching teardrops in my hand_ _  
_ _Only silence_ _  
_ _As it's ending_ _  
_ _Like we never had a chance_

 _Do you have to_ _  
_ _Make me feel like_ _  
_ _There's nothing left of me_

 _You can take everything I have_ _  
_ _You can take everything I am_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of glass_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of paper_ _  
_ _Go on and try to tear me down_ _  
_ _I will be rising from the ground_ _  
_ _Like a skyscraper_

 _As the smoke clears_ _  
_ _I awaken_ _  
_ _And untangle you from me_ _  
_ _Would it make you_ _  
_ _Feel better_ _  
_ _To watch me while I bleed_

 _All my windows still are broken_ _  
_ _But I'm standing on my feet_

 _You can take everything I have_ _  
_ _You can take everything I am_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of glass_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of paper_ _  
_ _Go on and try to tear me down_ _  
_ _I will be rising from the ground_ _  
_ _Like a skyscraper_

 _Go run, run, run_ _  
_ _I'm gonna stay right here_ _  
_ _Watch you disappear, Yeah_ _  
_ _Go run, run, run_ _  
_ _Yeah it's a long way down_ _  
_ _But I am closer to the clouds up here_

Carter stood up and clutched the piano as she tried to gather her strength. She could feel her emotions threatening to explode at any moment. She slowly walked away from the piano, took a deep breath and finished the song.

 _You can take everything I have_ _  
_ _You can break everything I am_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of glass_ _  
_ _Like I'm made of paper_ _  
_ _Go on and try to tear me down_ _  
_ _I will be rising from the ground_ _  
_ _Like a skyscraper_ _  
_ _Like a skyscraper_ _  
_ _Like a skyscraper_

She pasted a fake smile to her face and bit back the tears as Ellen approached her with a hug. She could barely make out the words she was saying over the pounding in her ears. She walked off stage ahead of her band. She needed to get to her dressing room as quick as possible.

She gave small smiles to everyone she passed and said thank you to those that complimented her, but right now she was determined to lock herself in that room and cry. She grabbed the handle of her dressing room, flung the door open and stopped in shock.

Standing in the middle of the dressing room with a smile on his face, stood Spencer. Carter lost all control and burst into tears as she ran for him. He held out his arms as she jumped into them, clutching him for dear life.

"You're here, you're here," she sobbed.

"I was in the area. Thought you could use a hug," he said as he held her tight.

"You're here, you're here," she continued to repeat.

"I am so proud of you," he said as he kissed the top of her head.

They stood that way for some time, until Carter finally got herself under control. She stepped back and wiped away her tears and sniffled.

"I still can't believe you're here," she said with a small laugh and a smile.

"I knew you needed me," he said as he brushed her long hair behind her shoulder.

"You are too good to be true, Spencer Reid," she said as she leaned forward to kiss him.

As they kissed passionately there was a knock on the dressing room door. Carter broke their kiss and glanced over her shoulder to holler, "come in."

The door opened and her manager, Max, walked in.

"Carter, that was incredible! You smashed it!" he said walking toward her.

"Thanks, Max," she said smiling. "Max, you've never been formally introduced to Spencer. Spencer this is Max."

The two shook hands.

"Nice to meet the man that captured my girls heart," Max said with a smile.

Max looked to be in his 70's. He had short white hair that surrounded his head, but on top he was bald. He wore a gray suit with a light blue tie. He was only a bit taller than Carter.

"You have some down time until tonight's performance. Did you want to go back to the hotel?" Max asked.

"Yes, I want to go back to the hotel," she said immediately. "Spence, can you come too?"

"I have all day. I don't need to be back until Monday morning," he said.

"Hotel it is!" Carter grinned as she pressed her lips to his.

(xxxxx)

When they reached the hotel, Spencer went to grab some food from the cafeteria, while Carter waited in the bedroom. He had only been gone for 5 minutes, but by the time he returned, she was sound asleep.

Spencer grabbed a blanket that was in a ball at the end of the bed and covered her with it. He climbed onto the bed behind her and curled around her. He wrapped his arm across her waist and snuggled close behind.

He missed her smell. He missed the way she felt in his arms. The way she fit perfectly against his body. He kissed the back of her head and closed his eyes. Soon drifting off along with her.

(xxxxx)

Carter's eyes fluttered open and she felt a calm she hadn't felt in a while. She could hear Spencer's steady breathing behind her and felt his arm draped over her. She sighed happily as she snuggled further into him.

While wiggling herself backwards she brushed against his crotch, making him twitch. She grinned as she continued to gyrate against him. She felt his dick hardening and the arm around her waist moved to hold her there.

She rolled over to face him and was surprised by the amount of lust in his eyes. Wasting no time, she climbed on top of him as she pressed her mouth ravenously against his. As they kissed, Carter ground herself into him. Groans of pleasure echoed through her mouth.

Sitting up, Carter lifted the dress she had been wearing over her head. Scooting down his body a bit, she quickly unbuckled his pants and undid his zipper. She pulled his pants and briefs off before climbing back on top of him.

"Take off your shirt," she said huskily as she finished undressing herself.

The second they were both fully naked, Carter pulled Spencer up into a sitting position and immediately attacked his mouth. Their kiss was messy and desperate. They licked and nipped at one another as though it was they needed to live.

They flopped back onto the bed before Carter sat up and grabbed a hold of Spencer's throbbing cock. She ran her hand up and down it a few times, making him groan. After a few drips of precum escaped, she lifted herself up and lowered herself down onto him. It took a few pushes before he was fully immersed in her soaking wet heat.

They both sighed as they became one. Carter stayed still for a moment as Spencer's hands ran up her body, cupping her breasts. He sat up for a second and sucked on each nipple as Carter threw her head back in pleasure. Spencer laid back down as she began to lift herself up and slam herself back down onto him.

She started off slow, but soon began bouncing faster and faster. Slamming herself down onto him, harder and harder. Occasionally, stopping to grind into him. Her cries of ecstasy were growing louder and Spencer worried about others hearing them. He pulled her against his body and flipped them over.

With him now in control, he kept his mouth pressed to hers as he pounded into her. Her screams and moans were now muffled by his mouth. Her body was beginning to shake and tense, a sign that she was nearing her orgasm.

Spencer grabbed her hands and tangled them with his, as he pushed himself deeper into her. Suddenly, Carter broke away from his mouth, threw her head back as her body arched and she let out the loudest moan he'd ever heard. This threw him over the edge as he expelled himself into her over and over, until he was shaking and couldn't hold himself up.

He dropped onto the bed next to her, face first into the pillow. They both lay there panting and trying to catch their breath. After a good solid five minutes, Spencer lifted his head and looked over to see Carter on her side smiling at him.

"That was amazing," she said as she brushed a piece of sweaty hair out of his eyes.

"Tell me about it. I think I may have blacked out a little," he said as he rolled onto his back, so she could snuggle into him.

Carter giggled as she scooted closer to him. She lay her head on his arm, that was wrapped around her, and put her arm on his chest, where she rubbed circles mindlessly.

"I am so glad you came. I had no idea how badly I needed you," she said.

"I'm glad I could be here for you," he replied as he kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, Spencer. I've never loved anyone the way I love you," she said as she propped herself up to look into his eyes.

"That's good because I love you the same way," he said before leaning forward to kiss her.

Their kiss began to intensify again, when there was a knock at the hotel room door. She sat up and looked at the bedside clock.

"That's probably Max. We need to start getting ready for tonight," she said as she grabbed a robe nearby and put it on.

"Hang on!" she called out as Spencer hurried to dress himself.

Once he was finished getting dressed, Carter walked over and kissed him one more time, before leaving the room to answer the door.

(xxxxx)

Having Spencer around rejuvenated and strengthened Carter. Her performance for America's Got Talent was even better than her performance on the Ellen Show. When they arrived back to the hotel room that night, Carter's phone rang with a Facetime from Penelope.

She hit accept and smiled when she saw not only Penelope, but J.J. and Derek as well.

"Guys! Oh my gosh, I miss you so much!" she said as tears filled her eyes.

"We miss you too!" Penelope said.

"Dude, you killed it tonight!" Derek said with a big grin.

J.J. and Penelope both agreed, making Carter blush as she leaned into Spencer who stood behind her.

"And your outfit! I want your outfit!" J.J. said.

Carter laughed. "I'll send it home with Spence."

"I just can't get over those vocal ranges. Are you even real?" Penelope said in awe.

Carter laughed harder as she waved her hand at them.

"Stop, oh my gosh, you guys," she said.

"Seriously, you have some pipes on you girl," Derek agreed.

"Enough about me," she said. "How are you? J.J. how is Will and Henry?"

"They are well. Since Mommy had a girl's night out, they decided to have a boy's night out," she said lifting her glass of wine.

"Hey, it's not a girl's night out," Derek frowned.

"Well, it was supposed to be, until you invited yourself along," Penelope said with a playful bite.

"What? That is bologna!" he gasped.

Carter giggled as her friends bantered back and forth.

"Well, you don't need to be here for this," J.J. said. "We just wanted to say hi and tell you how great you did and also, tell you how much we miss you."

"I miss you too. Only a few more weeks and I'm free," Carter replied with a smile.

"We will celebrate your return!" Penelope said excitedly.

"You two love birds have fun. We will see you Monday, kid," Derek said waving.

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Carter tossed her phone on the bed and turned in Spencer's arms. She stood on her tip-toes and gave him a quick kiss.

"So, this afternoon was sort of rushed," she said as she trailed a finger up his shirt.

"Was it?" he said with a hint of a smile.

"Mmm hmm," she said as she unbuttoned one of his shirt buttons. "I didn't get anytime to play with SJ."

Spencer furrowed his brow as he thought over what she said.

"SJ?"

"Spencer Jr," she said as her hand rubbed over his pant covered dick.

He instantly reacted to her touch.

"Oh," he said, swallowing hard.

Carter smiled at his shyness. It was funny how sometimes he was incredibly confident with her and other times he slid back into the Spencer she had first met. It was so endearing. She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bed.

"Lie down and get comfortable, cause this is going to be a long night," she grinned.

(xxxxx)

Spencer popped up from the bed, startled. He realized his phone was ringing. He was supposed to have two more days with Carter, but he knew if that phone was ringing, all plans were changing. He reached into the dark and grabbed his phone.

"Reid?" he answered instinctually.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, but I need you back at the office asap," Hotch said.

"Yea, ok. What's going on?" Spencer asked as he rolled out of bed to find his clothes.

"We'll talk when you get here."

With that Hotch hung up the phone. Spencer was just slipping his shirt back on, when he heard Carter moving in the bed behind him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked gruffly.

"I'm so sorry, babe, but I have to go. Hotch just called and needs me back at the office. He won't tell me why, which isn't a good thing," he explained as he searched for his shoes.

The light flicked on, temporarily blinding him. After a moment, his eyes adjusted and he snatched up his shoes. He turned to see Carter sitting up watching him. Her breasts uncovered and swaying as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"God, you are breathtaking," he said, momentarily distracted.

Carter smiled at his moment of ADD. She slid out of bed and found a robe to cover herself. Not because she didn't want him to look at her body, but she knew it would cause further delay in his preparation to leave.

"Do you have everything?" she asked as she walked to the bathroom to see if his toiletries were packed.

"Yea, I never emptied anything out. I kept it all in my bag. Habit of being ready to run at all times," he said as he picked up his go-bag.

Carter walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Please be careful and let me know you made it home safe," she said before giving him a quick chaste kiss.

"I will," he said as he followed suit with another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said giving him one final kiss before he walked out the door.

(xxxxx)

Spencer walked into the conference room to find Derek, J.J., Rossi, and Penelope sitting at the round table. They all looked at him as he plopped down into the chair.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"No idea, but it can't be good if Garcia doesn't know what's up," Derek replied.

"Is someone leaving? Did someone die?" Penelope asked panic stricken.

J.J. was looking down at her feet and rubbing her hands together. Spencer was about to ask her what was wrong, when Hotch walked into the room.

"I'm going to jump right into this. Ian Doyle is somewhere in DC," Hotch began.

There was an audible gasp from nearly the entire team. Spencer felt his anger rising. Ian Doyle was near, and he wanted to be the one to find him and kill him.

"Why is he here?" Derek asked, with the same anger as Spencer.

"He is here to find his son that has been in hiding for the past 7 years," Hotch said. "We need to get to him before Doyle does."

"Ok, where do we start?" Derek said.

Spencer could tell Derek was hoping to run into Doyle to exact revenge. He knew this not only by the look in Derek's eye, but because he felt the same way.

"There's more. I made a decision a few months ago that I felt was for the best of this team. Emily's life was in danger, as was all of ours, and her injuries provided an out," Hotch said as he looked around at each member of his team.

They all stared at him, wide-eyed. Unable to move.

"Are you saying … Emily's … alive?" Derek asked slowly.

Hotch didn't say anything. He just stared back at Derek.

"But, we carried her casket," Spencer said, unsure if he should believe what he was hearing.

With that the sound of clicking heals could be heard and they all turned to the doorway, where Emily stood looking at them sheepishly.


	15. The Aftermath

_Sorry for the delay! Was a crazy few weeks and a little writers block. Hopefully, I'm back on track! Thanks for the amazing comments! Love you guys! Xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

"Emily …" Penelope said slowly, as if she couldn't believe her eyes.

Emily gave her a sympathetic smile. Everyone slowly stood up from their chairs and walked over to surround her. She opened her arms and hugged each of them, though only Penelope and J.J. gave her real hugs. The guys seemed to be dealing with deeper mixed emotions.

"I am so sorry. I wish I could have told you," Emily said.

Spencer watched her with a furrowed brow. It was all too much to take in. Emily was standing there in front of him – alive. She was breathing, and she was whole, and she was alive. He wondered if he had gone crazy or maybe this was a dream.

He felt Emily's hand on his and it squeezed tightly. So, it wasn't a dream, but maybe he was having the Schizophrenic break. It was finally happening. But it felt too real to be that. Besides, he imagined those type of breaks would be more frightening and not so relieving and infuriating.

"I missed you all like crazy. You don't know how hard it was not to call or text or email," Emily said to the group.

"We are glad to have you back," J.J. said softly.

Suddenly, something dawned on Spencer. He looked over to J.J. in disbelief. She looked at him and he saw the guilt behind her stare.

"You knew," he said incredulously.

J.J. swallowed hard as the others turned to look at her.

"I told her she wasn't allowed to confide in anyone," Hotch stated.

"The whole time," Spencer said, ignoring Hotch's words.

"Spence, I'm sorry," J.J. said as tears filled her eyes.

"Look, we can discuss this all later. Right now, there is a young boy whose life is at stake. We need to find him. And Emily, you are the key to doing that," Hotch said in his business tone.

Spencer kept his stare on J.J. as they briefed. When they had their assignments, he jumped up and hurried from the room. J.J. tried chasing after him, but was stopped by Emily.

"Give him time," she said empathetically.

J.J. nodded as her lip trembled. This was definitely going to cause a rift in their friendship.

(xxxxx)

Carter was about to leave the hotel when Spencer called.

"Hey, baby, you made it safely, I assume?" she asked as she picked up her suitcase.

"Emily's alive," he blurted.

Carter stopped in her tracks.

"What?"

"Emily's alive. It was all a lie. She's been in Paris this entire time," he said angrily.

"Oh my gosh …" she trailed off in shock.

Finding her balance shaky, she sat down on the nearest chair with her hand to her mouth.

"Carter, it's not bad enough that Hotch lied to us and told us she was dead, but J.J. knew! She knew the entire time and didn't have the decency to tell me! I went to her house crying every night for 8 weeks and not once did she tell me the truth!" he cried.

"I can't believe it," Carter said, still in a daze.

"I am so angry right now I could break something," he growled.

"Babe, I know you are upset. I can't blame you one bit. I'm completely flabbergasted myself," she said as she tried to steady her voice. "That being said, right now you are overwhelmed with emotions. Before you do anything you might regret, let it all sink in. Don't talk with J.J. until you have digested this news."

"We have a case right now. How the hell am I supposed to work with her when all I want to do is punch a hole in the wall?" he asked.

"I know, darling. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. But please, trust me and do your best to focus only on the case. If you have to, request that you and J.J. not be paired together. Though knowing Hotch, I have a feeling he won't pair you together anyway," she said.

Spencer was silent on the other line. She knew he was trying to calm himself down.

"Do you want me to come to you?" she offered.

"No," he said, anger still clear in his tone. "But thank you."

"Call me anytime you need to. I will keep my phone with me and if I'm performing, I'll have Max alert me, so I can call immediately after the show," she said.

"Ok," he replied.

"I love you," she said, heartbroken for him.

"You too," he said before hanging up.

She stared at her phone as tears slipped from her eyes. Emily was alive. With that thought the flood gates opened as she curled into herself.

(xxxxx)

Declan had been rescued. It was a relief to everyone, and Spencer successfully avoided J.J. the entire time. Though he was thrilled to have Emily back, he still felt a sense of betrayal every time he saw her. He spent most of his time alone in the office, quietly doing his paperwork.

Four days had past and Spencer still hadn't spoken to J.J. She tried getting his attention at work, as well as calling and texting him. Still no response. So, on the fifth day she followed him to the breakroom, where he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"How was your weekend?" she asked casually.

"Fine," he said sharply.

"How is Carter?" she tried.

"Fine."

She watched him scoop sugar into his mug.

"Henry's been asking when you are coming over again. Maybe we could do dinner?" she said.

"I'm busy," he replied as he picked up his cup and started to walk away.

"Spence, please. Can't we talk about this?" she said sadly.

"Talk about what? What do you want to talk about? How I came to you in a time of distress and you had the cure to my pain all along?" he said bitterly.

"I had no choice," she said defensively.

"Yes, you did, Jennifer. You had a choice. You chose to be loyal to your job rather than your best friend," he said angrily.

"That is not true!" J.J. said, as the anger built in her.

"You saw me crumbling! You watched me fight a deep depression and not once did you choose to protect me!" he said.

"I was protecting you!" she insisted.

"How? How was lying to me about Emily's death protecting me? Jennifer, I nearly relapsed over this! What would you have done then? Would you have let me continue to use rather than admit the truth?" he snapped.

J.J.'s jaw dropped. She had no idea that he was struggling so bad that he considered using Dilaudid again.

"But you have Carter …" she said in disbelief.

"That made it harder! Knowing that I couldn't protect Emily made me fear I wouldn't be able to protect Carter. I even considered breaking up with her because I was afraid of how bad it would hurt if I lost her," he seethed.

Her eyes were wide at another bomb shell revelation. She knew he was broken from the loss of Emily, but to this extent, she was blown away.

"Spence … I'm so sorry," she said as tears streamed from her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, you did. In the worst possible way," he said.

With that, he turned and stormed from the room. Leaving J.J. to cry silently in the break room.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat on his couch trying to read. He had been sitting there for nearly 8 hours now. After his fight with J.J., he took the remainder of the day off. Hotch tried to take the blame, but Spencer shot him down.

" _She is every bit as responsible for this, as you are. The only difference is she knew what it was doing to me emotionally and chose to ignore it."_

He closed his book and set it down on the table just as a knock sounded at his door. He rolled his eyes and ignored the knock. After a few seconds, the knocking started again. He tried his best to pretend he couldn't hear the persistent pounding, but eventually it got on his nerves.

He stood up from the couch and walked closer to the door.

"Go away!" he called out, figuring it was J.J. or Emily.

"If you insist."

Spencer quickly unlocked the door and swung it open. His heart thumped in relief as he saw an exhausted Carter smiling at him. He reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"Hey baby," she whispered as she ran her hand through his messy curls.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not letting go of her.

"I was in the area and thought you could use a hug," she said, repeating the words he said to her just a week before.

He laughed softly as he leaned back a little to give her a gentle kiss. They walked together into the room and he shut the door, relocking it.

"Washington is a bit out of our area," he smirked as he pulled her toward the couch.

"Well, what's a 5-hour plane ride when it comes to snuggling in a sexy man's arms?' she replied as she curled into him.

"What about your show tomorrow night?' he asked.

"It's still on. I have to be back at the airport tomorrow morning at 6am," she said.

"Carter, that's insane! You shouldn't have come all this way!" he said in shock.

"Spencer, I told you it's worth it to see you. Especially with the Emily debacle. You needed me," she said grabbing his hand.

"I would have been fine," he snipped.

"I didn't say you wouldn't. Spencer, I'm well aware of the fact that you can take care of yourself. Doesn't mean you don't need someone to lean on once in a while," she said, with a little bite to her words.

He sighed, realizing he was being disrespectful after she'd given up sleep to come see him. He squeezed her hand and leaned his head down onto her shoulder. He felt her lips press against the top of his head.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" she said softly.

"Not particularly," he said.

Carter started to say something, but decided to just hold him in silence instead. He would open up to her if she was just patient with him.

"I don't know how I feel," she confessed.

Spencer didn't say anything, but she knew he was listening.

"I'm relieved Emily is alive. It's as though we were given a miracle," she said. "But … I have a lot of mixed emotions about what J.J. did."

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust her again," Spencer interjected.

Carter sighed as she tried to sort through her emotions.

"I understand that. I guess, I'm really angry at her for hurting you. To know that she had the knowledge to end your suffering and yet, just continued to play along is upsetting to me," she said.

"Exactly, and no one seems to get that. They all just want me to forgive her like I'm being unreasonable," he said.

"Well, I think you have every right to feel the way you do," Carter said sincerely. "And I'm not just saying that cause I'm your girlfriend. I truly mean it."

"Thank you," Spencer whispered.

She kissed the top of his head again and snuggled closer to him. They stayed that way the remainder of the night. Neither wanting to leave each other's arms.

(xxxxx)

J.J. flipped on the porch light and stepped outside. It was 5am and the morning was cold. She pulled her robe tighter against her body.

"Hi," she said with a frown.

"Hey," Carter said.

"I suppose you are here to let me have it," J.J. said.

"I should, because you deserve it, but no. I'm here for Spencer," Carter began. "I don't understand your world J.J. So, maybe my way of thinking is askew."

J.J. sighed and leaned against the front door. Her eyes gazing down at her slippered feet.

"Where I am from there is nothing in the world more important than my family and friends. That means always having their backs and being there for them when they are in need. That means always choosing them no matter what," Carter said angrily.

J.J. sniffled as a tear slipped from her eye.

"That being said it also means apologizing when I fuck up," Carter said with a gentler tone. "Jayje, you screwed up. You made a choice and you can't take it back. Stop trying to defend your decision and just admit you fucked Spence over.

Yes, you thought you were protecting him, but when you saw how badly this was hurting him and chose to continue with the secrecy, you failed him as a friend. He needed you and he trusted you. He came to you vulnerable and in pain. What if someone did that to Henry?"

J.J. felt her heart plummet at the thought of her son being in pain and someone allowing him to suffer. She began to cry harder at the deeper realization.

"What have I done?" she said as she placed her hand to her mouth.

Carter reached out and pulled her into a hug.

"Look, you can't beat yourself up anymore. What happened is done now. It can't be changed, but the damage can be repaired. He will forgive you. You just need to show him that you're his friend. His friend who made a terrible mistake and understands the gravity of that," Carter said rubbing J.J.'s back soothingly.

"He loves you J.J. and you love him. This can be fixed."

J.J. nodded her understanding in Carter's shoulder. They held each other for a bit longer before Carter pulled away.

"I have to catch my flight," she said holding J.J.'s hands.

J.J. bit her bottom lip and nodded. Carter gave her a reassuring smile before turning and walking towards the waiting car.

"Carter," J.J. called out.

Carter looked over her shoulder.

"Thank you," she said.

Carter just smiled before finishing the walk to the car.

(xxxxx)

Spencer was filling his cup with coffee when he saw J.J. entering the room. He instantly tensed up and started to turn away from her.

"I come in peace," she said softly.

Spencer ignored her and continued to prepare his coffee.

"Spence, I'm sorry. You were right. What I did to you is … beyond comprehensible," she started.

To her relief, he seemed to be listening as his stirring slowed down.

"I screwed up big time. If I sit and think about the choice I made, I'm not really sure how I didn't see how stupid it was. You are my best friend and I watched you suffer … and I … I can't take it back. I wish I could, because I hurt you so badly," she said as she began to cry.

"You trusted me and I stomped all over that and I'm so sorry. I know I can't undo what I've done, but I can assure you that I will never make that mistake again. I will never allow you to hurt like that again if I can help it. I will never choose anything above your well-being."

Spencer placed the spoon down on the counter slowly as J.J. sobbed behind him. He turned to face her.

"Please, forgive me. Please, let me earn back that trust," she pleaded. "I know I don't deserve it, but I can't imagine not being your friend anymore. You mean too much to me and I know you don't believe that, but I'll never stop trying to prove it to you."

With that, Spencer stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his shoulder and clutched him tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she cried.

"I can't say it's ok, but I forgive you," he said as he held her shaking body.

"I promise I'll never do anything like that again," she said.

"I believe you," he replied.

After J.J. calmed down and wiped her tears away, she gave him a small smile. Spencer stepped over to the counter, grabbed a napkin, and handed it to her.

"You know, you have a pretty amazing girlfriend. She made me realize what a fool I've been," J.J. said before blowing her nose.

"When did you talk to Carter?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"She stopped by this morning on the way to the airport. She knocked some sense into me before leaving. She must've been exhausted. I saw her tour schedule the other day. Yesterday was the first day off she's had in two weeks and she spent it flying back and forth across the country instead of sleeping in a nice warm bed," J.J. said.

With that, she turned and left the room. Spencer took in that information in stunned silence. She gave up her only day off to come help him. How could she possibly love him that much? It baffled him and yet, touched him deeply. He needed to do something in return for her and he had just the idea.


	16. The Gift

Carter's tour was nearing its end. There were only two weeks left until she finished and would get to spend a month off. Offers were pouring in for her to appear in movies, commercials, and tv shows during her hiatus, but she adamantly refused. Her manager wasn't overly pleased, but she was the boss and her mind was made up.

She was anxiously awaiting her break with Spencer and though it was nearly here, she woke up feeling depressed. Touring had been amazing, but she had never done this while in love before and the separation from Spencer killed her. It was her time of the month, so she shouldn't have been surprised that she was overly emotional.

From the moment she woke up, she felt that any moment she would break down. She just wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep, but that wasn't the tour life. Especially since that evening she had a performance. So, she needed to get up and head over to the arena for sound check, meet and greet, and then of course, the show itself.

The next few hours passed quickly. She put on a fake smile and greeted her fans with kindness and excitement. She posed for photos and signed merchandise. She went on stage and did her sound check, which went off without a hitch. As she trudged back to her dressing room, head down and face shielded by a hat, she was unaware of the visitor waiting behind the door.

Stepping into the dressing room, she jumped when she saw someone sitting on the couch in the corner of the room.

"Spencer!" she squealed, when she recovered from the scare.

She ran and dove into his arms.

"You scared me!" she said before pressing her lips to his. "You're here! How? Why? How?"

She rambled in shock. Spencer chuckled as he held her tightly in his arms.

"We actually had a case nearby. I asked Hotch if I could make a small detour. I have to be back tomorrow morning, so I won't be able to stay long," he said as she covered every inch of his face with kisses.

"Remind me to send a huge thank you gift to Hotch," she said with a big grin.

Their lips connected in a passionate kiss, until they both needed some air.

"You have no idea how badly I needed this," Carter said before bursting into tears.

"Carter, what's the matter?" Spencer said, full of concern.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little emotional. I missed you so much. This has been a lot harder than I thought it would be," she said sniffling.

"What's been harder?" he asked as he took her hand and led her to the couch.

They both sat down, angled toward each other. Spencer held tightly to her hands as he listened intently to her.

"Being away from you. I love touring and I love my job, but being away from you for so long has been incredibly difficult. I've never loved someone like this before, so … this is new for me," she said shyly.

Spencer gave her a loving smile.

"I know. I feel the same way," he said as he squeezed her hands. "Which, I guess makes this a little bit easier."

Carter furrowed her brow as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a square box. He handed her the pretty pink-wrapped box and she looked at it in surprise.

"What's this for?" she said as she looked back up at him.

"Open it and you'll see," he said with a small smile.

Carter carefully unwrapped the box and took the lid off.

"Oh my … Spence," she said as her mouth dropped open.

She looked at the gift and back up at him. Her eyes questioning him. She was afraid to trust what this meant.

"It would only be temporary. We could look for a place of our own, but for now, I want you to move in with me," he began, before rambling nervously. "I know you typically work in New York and LA, so you won't always be home, but when you are able to, I would be honored if you would stay with me."

More tears slid down Carter's face as she lifted the key that was attached to a heart keychain. She closed her fist around it tightly and threw her arms around Spencer's neck.

"Is that a yes?" he asked with a light laugh.

She leaned back to look at him and nodded through her tears before latching onto his lips again. Her kiss was filled with more desperation than the last kiss. She was just about to climb onto his lap when the door to her dressing room opened.

"Carter, what do you want for dinner … oh I'm sorry," a young black girl said as she turned her back to Carter and Spencer.

Carter laughed as she sat back down next to Spencer.

"It's ok Alicia," she said to the girl.

"I should have knocked," Alicia said sheepishly.

"No, really it's ok. I want you to meet my boyfriend anyway. Spencer, this is Alicia my personal assistant, best friend, and savior," Carter grinned.

"Oh, gosh, I wouldn't go that far," Alicia said as she walked over to shake Spencer's hand.

Carter was surprised to see him reach out without hesitation.

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet the man she talks about non-stop," Alicia said with a smile.

"Pleasure is all mine," Spencer replied.

"I was sent to find out what you want for dinner tonight. Did you look at the menu? You have about 30 minutes before hair and makeup," Alicia said, falling back into business mode.

"Um, yea I just want turkey and mashed potatoes. Can you see if they can make an extra for Spencer?" Carter asked.

"Oh, no. I don't need –" Spencer started.

"No, it's not a problem. I'm on it," Alicia said before waving and hurrying out of the room.

Carter turned back to Spencer and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Now, where were we?" she said pulling him back down to her lips.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat slightly to the right of the stage with Alicia and some other members of Carter's tour crew. He was in awe of how flawlessly she sang and moved around the stage. She was captivating. He was so proud to know that she was his girlfriend.

All those years he was teased and ridiculed and now, he sat in a multi-thousand seat arena, packed with screaming fans as his gorgeous girlfriend performed for them. It was hard to wrap his mind around. His thoughts were interrupted by Carter, who had stopped singing and was speaking to the crowd.

"Tonight, is a special night for me. Tonight, I have a surprise visitor that means the world to me and though I'm an incredibly private person, I'm finding it hard not to shout my love for him for everyone to hear," she said with a big grin.

The crowd went wild.

"So, this next song, is for him. I could explain it further, but I'd rather just let my body do all the talking," she said before glancing in his direction with a flirtatious smile on her face.

With that the music began to play and she started dancing seductively.

 _If I had it my way, I would take you down_ _  
_ _If I had it my way, I would turn you out_ _  
_ _And if my body had a say, I would come again_ _  
_ _Scared of what I might say, cause I'm at the edge_

 _And our eyes are crossing paths across the room_ _  
_ _There's only one thing left for us to do_

 _You can touch me with slow hands_ _  
_ _Speed it up, baby, make me sweat_ _  
_ _Dreamland, take me there cause I want your sex_ _  
_ _If my body had a say, I wouldn't turn away_ _  
_ _Touch, make love, taste you_ _  
_ _If my body told the truth, baby I would do_ _  
_ _Just what I want to_

 _If I had it my way, I would take the lead_ _  
_ _And if I had it my way, I would take you deep_ _  
_ _If my body had a say, I'd get it off my chest_ _  
_ _Show you all the red lace underneath this dress_

 _And our eyes are crossing paths across the room_ _  
_ _There's only one thing left for us to do_

 _You can touch me with slow hands_ _  
_ _Speed it up, baby, make me sweat_ _  
_ _Dreamland, take me there cause I want your sex_ _  
_ _If my body had a say, I wouldn't turn away_ _  
_ _Touch, make love, taste you_ _  
_ _If my body told the truth, baby I would do_ _  
_ _Just what I want to_

 _My minds getting in the way_ _  
_ _Can't feel what my body say_ _  
_ _I'mma tell you anyway_ _  
_ _I'mma tell you anyway_ _  
_ _My minds getting in the way_ _  
_ _Can't feel what my body say_ _  
_ _I'mma show you anyway_ _  
_ _I'mma show you anyway_

 _Oh you! You can touch me with slow hands_

Spencer watched her shyly as she performed this explicit sexual song to him. While a part of him was turned on, another part of him was a bit embarrassed by the potential attention it was drawing. He could feel fans nearby looking in his direction, watching his reaction.

He slouched down in his chair a bit and tried to remain as unreadable as possible. Suddenly, Alicia appeared next to him and stood blocking his view of the crowd. She seemed to be unaware of her position as she watched Carter perform.

When the song ended, she glanced down at Spencer and he saw the knowing look in her eyes. He gave her a silent thank you, to which she gave a silent you're welcome, before she turned to return to the spot she had been at previously. He was beyond grateful to her.

(xxxxx)

Following the show, they were ushered to the tour bus. Carter needed to begin the drive to the next town she was performing in. Spencer went along for the ride, figuring he'd catch a flight from that town. One call to Penelope and she had him booked early the next morning. He'd be a bit late to work, but Hotch wouldn't care.

Carter and Spencer snuggled together in the large queen bed that sat at the back of the bus. The door was shut for their privacy as the bus began driving through the night.

"How did you like the show? I was so nervous knowing you were watching. It was so strange to have that kind of adrenaline," she said.

"You were amazing," he assured her.

"How about the song I sang to you? Sorry if I put you on the spot," she said looking up at his reaction.

She saw him blush a bit and she frowned.

"Oh, Spence, I'm sorry," she said realizing her mistake.

"No, it's ok. I mean, I was a little … what's the word I'm looking for … uncomfortable with the attention it brought, but Alicia seemed to sense it and she helped shield me from view," he said.

"I'm so stupid. I should've considered that it would embarrass you," she said looking upset with herself.

"Carter, you aren't stupid, love. It was a kind gesture and I appreciate that you would dedicate a song to me. Especially one that sexy," he said with a chuckle. "But maybe next time, save it for just us."

"Ok," she agreed and then smiled. "Did it turn you on?"

"Of course, it did! How can you say things like that and expect me to not react?" he said making Carter laugh.

"Well, I could make it better," she said as her hand slid down his body to his crotch.

He tensed up at the feeling, but grabbed her hand to stop her.

"While that sounds enticing, I'd rather not with people so close," he said flicking his eyes toward the door.

"Ok," she said.

"But thank you for offering," he said kissing her forehead.

Carter nodded before giving him a chaste kiss.

"As much as I want to stay awake all night and enjoy what little time we have left," she said as a yawn slipped.

"You need your rest," he said.

Carter responded by turning her back to him and scooting close. He held her tightly in his arms and gave her a kiss on the head.

"Sleep well, my love," he said softly.

"Goodnight, baby. I love you," she said as she shut her eyes.

The two of them fell asleep, tangled together. Both sleeping the best they had in weeks.

(xxxxx)

 _Sorry for the update delay. I kinda got stuck on how to move forward, but I believe I'm back on track. I hope you enjoyed this chapter – though it is short. I have lots of exciting things planned for these two coming up!_

 _Thanks for the support! xoxo_


	17. The Week Off

The tour had completed a few days ago and Carter detoured to LA to pack up her items she wanted to move into Spencer's home. Now to be their home. Emily, Derek, and Penelope had offered to help unload her trailer when she arrived.

It was early Saturday morning when Carter made it to Spencer's apartment complex. She slid out of the driver's seat with a yawn as Alisha climbed out of the passenger side and stretched. The morning was quickly becoming uncomfortably warm.

"So, this is lover boy's house?" Alisha said as she looked up at the tall multi-storied building.

"No, this is mine and lover boy's house," Carter responded with a playful smirk.

With that the front door to the complex opened and Spencer came strolling out with a cup of coffee in his hand. His hair was a mess as usual and she wasn't surprised to see that despite it being moving day, he wore cords and a dress shirt. She wondered if he even owned a pair of jeans or a t-shirt.

"Welcome home," he said with a grin.

Carter sauntered over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips to his.

"I am so excited," she said before she began kissing him again.

"Hey, if you want help, enough with that mush."

Carter pulled away from Spencer to look over his shoulder, where Derek appeared. He was dressed more appropriately in jeans and a muscle shirt.

"Thanks for helping, Derek," Carter replied with a smile.

"Anytime," he said before his eyes caught Alisha. "And who is this fine young lady?"

"Put that flirt away right now," Carter said in a pretend stern voice.

"What? I'm not flirting? I'm being polite," Derek insisted as Spencer and Carter both rolled their eyes. "Derek Morgan. I work with Reid and you are?"

He held out his hand with a big toothy grin. Alisha blushed at the attention and returned the handshake.

"Alisha. I work for Carter as her personal assistant."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Derek said with a wink.

"Ok Casanova. Let's get started, shall we?" Carter joked as she walked over to the moving van to unlock the back.

Derek laughed at the nickname, but followed her none-the-less. Carter didn't bring a lot, as she never accumulated that much of importance, but she still brought enough that Spencer wondered how they would make this all fit into such a small place.

For now, they stored everything in the tiny guest room that was not much larger than a closet. They both agreed to take organizing one room at a time. This would give Spencer a chance to get rid of anything unnecessary and make room for Carter's things.

(xxxxx)

Since the apartment was so tiny and it would be their first time together in their new cohabitate, Alisha graciously, or stubbornly if you asked Carter, decided to stay at a nearby hotel. She would only be in town for the next few days before going back home to visit with her family.

Spencer was in the kitchen prepping the coffee maker for morning, when he heard Carter clear her throat behind him. He looked over his shoulder and nearly dropped the pot of water in his hand. He placed the pot down on the counter and turned around with his jaw dropped.

"You look … wow," he said as his pulse began to race.

Carter stood behind him wearing a matching baby blue bra and lace thong. She smiled seductively at him.

"Well, it is our first night together in our home," she said as she strutted toward him. "I don't know about you, but –"

She trailed off as her hand slid down her body and into her panties. When she pulled her hand back out, she held her finger up for him to see the glistening wetness covering it.

"I'm incredibly aroused right now," she whispered as she slipped the wet finger into her mouth.

"Fuuuuuuck," Spencer groaned as he watched from where he was rooted to the floor.

When she pulled it out of her mouth with a pop, she wiggled it in a come here motion. Spencer walked toward her as she walked backwards. He continued to follow her toward their bedroom, never breaking eye contact with her.

When they reached the bedroom, Carter stopped just in front of the bed and waited for him to make the final journey to her. His hands immediately grabbed her hips and he pulled her against his body as he kissed her. She could feel that her show had turned him on.

"You are so sexy," he gasped as they broke for air.

"Oh sweetheart, if that turned you on, just wait until you see all the things I have in store for us the next month. You are going to be so sick of sex, you'll be begging me to go back to work," she grinned.

"I don't think that is possible. I could never get enough of you," he said as he began to kiss all over her neck and collarbone.

"I hope not," she said as her head tilted back to give him better access.

Carter felt her bra being undone and before she could even throw it to the floor, Spencer's mouth was clamped on her breast. She moaned in pleasure as he flicked her nipple with his tongue. Her hands reflexively going into his hair that he had recently cut.

He still looked smoking hot, but he cut the back real short and left it hand grabbing length on top.

"You need to catch up with me. I need to see more skin," she as she cradled his head in her chest.

Spencer stood up and unbuttoned a few buttons, before pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. As he was doing this, Carter unbuckled his belt, undid his zipper, and started pulling his pants down.

She slid back up slowly, stopping at his hardened erection. Her hand ran over it as her tongue followed closely behind. The fabric of his boxer briefs growing damp from her tongue and his pre-cum. She had all the intentions to continue with her foreplay, but Spencer pulled her by the arms back up to his mouth.

As he kissed her passionately, he pushed her into the bed. She fell back gracelessly as he climbed over her and continued to explore her mouth. Carter's clutched him close to her body as their clothed privates rubbed against one another.

Spencer reached between them and started sliding her thong off. He made a detour on the way back to her lips. He stopped between her thighs and gave a slow lick up her slit. Carter moaned at the feeling of it.

"You taste so amazing," he sighed, before licking one more time.

He quickly removed his bottoms and then hovered over top of Carter. He leaned over and gave her a tender kiss. They looked at one another for a moment. Neither of them saying anything, but both of their eyes saying so much. Finally, Carter wrapped her legs around Spencer's waist and begged him to make love to her.

Carter let out a squeal when he entered her fully. Spencer adjusted himself as he allowed her body to get used to his dick. He moved slowly in and out as he placed both arms near her head.

"You ok?" he asked.

It reminded her of their first time together. She felt a little sentimental as her eyes welled with tears. Even after all this time, he still cared enough about her well-being over his pleasure. She nodded with a smile before placing a kiss to his lips.

"I'm more than ok when I'm with you," she said.

Spencer smiled at her and began to move. His body going up and down and occasionally grinding and twisting. Carter lay beneath him squirming and moaning as he hit all the right spots. As they both neared the end, she slid her hand between them to massage herself, but Spencer saw this and pulled her hand away. She was going to ask him why, but he quickly replaced it with his own hand.

Carter's back arched off the bed as the intense feeling of Spencer's cock hitting her g-spot and his finger rubbing her clit, was becoming almost too much to bear. She reached behind her to grab onto the head board. Her hands turning white as she gripped it tightly. Her moans becoming louder and more desperate.

Sweat dripped from Spencer's forehead as he worked her clit hard, all while trying to reach his own orgasm that was nearly there. Suddenly, Carter screamed and started convulsing under him. Her stomach and abdomen shaking in spasms as she reached her orgasm. It was an incredible sight that threw him right over the edge. He gasped out in relief as he exploded inside of her.

He shook over top of her as his cock emptied its entire seed inside of her. His arms were shaking as he rode out the last of the most intense orgasm he had to date. Carter lay beneath him still panting as he collapsed next to her.

They both lay there quietly trying to catch their breath. After a good solid 5 minutes, Carter finally broke the silence.

"Holy shit, that was the most amazing orgasm I've ever had. I fucking blacked out," she said as she rolled on her side to face him.

"I didn't black out, but I definitely saw stars. That was beyond words," he agreed.

Carter scooted closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. She gave him a few pecks on the lips before snuggling into his chest. His hand ran slowly up and down her sweaty back.

"Yea, I don't think I'll ever get sick of our sex," Carter said, making Spencer laugh.

"Me neither," he said.

"Well, that was one hell of a way to christen this place," she said.

"Had I known it would be that incredible, I would've asked you to move in a long time ago," he joked.

Carter giggled as she playfully slapped his chest.

"So, I'm wide awake now," she said looking up at him. "You wanna go watch a movie or see what's on tv?" she asked.

"Sure," he said as they slid out of bed.

Spencer bent down to pick up his pants, but Carter stopped him.

"I think tonight should be a no clothes allowed night," she said with a grin.

"Is that so?" he laughed.

She waltzed out of the room, her perfectly toned ass taunting him. Spencer groaned as he felt himself become aroused again.

"She'll be the death of me," he said before following her from the room.

(xxxxx)

The next two days were spent touring Washington DC with Alisha before she left to visit her family. Spencer still had four more days until he needed to return to work, so he was surprised when Emily showed up early one morning.

"Em? Is everything ok? Did I miss a call?" Spencer said when he opened the door.

"No, you didn't miss a call. I just wanted to stop by for a minute before heading to the office. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" she asked.

"Not at all. Carter is still sleeping. I was just reading. Come on in," he said as he moved to the side.

Emily gave him a thankful smile before walking into the room.

"You want some coffee?" he offered.

"Oh no, thank you though. I won't be here long," she said.

"You sure? I can make it to go?" he said.

"No," she said again.

She looked around the living room awkwardly. Spencer sensed something was bothering her.

"What can I do for you?" he said watching her closely.

She looked his way, but immediately turned her attention back toward the living room.

"Em? What's wrong?" Spencer asked with concern.

"I wanted to tell you," she stopped to take a deep breath. "I got offered a new job."

She looked at Spencer. His face watched her with shock in his eyes.

"Doing what?" he asked.

"Chief," she said not breaking eye contact.

"You wouldn't be upset if it were unit chief for the BAU, so chief of what?" he said, a little hint of anger in his tone.

"Not so much what, as in where. I'll be running the office in Interpol," she replied.

"So, you didn't just get offered the job, you accepted the job," he said, now fully angry.

"Yes. I … I made the decision last night and informed Hotch shortly after. I plan on informing the rest of the team when I get there today," she said sadly.

"Wow," he said, at a loss for words.

"Spence, I'm sorry I just … I feel like I need to do this," she said.

"We aren't good enough for you anymore?" he said.

"Of course, not! I love you guys and believe me this was not a decision I made lightly," she began.

"Well, that certainly makes it better than doesn't it," he said snidely.

Emily sighed.

"I know you feel like I'm abandoning you, but that's why I came here to tell you in person first. I didn't want you to hear it from someone else. Spencer, you are my little brother and I love you dearly. I will always be a phone call away and if you need me for anything, I will fly back here in a heartbeat," she said with sincerity.

Spencer bit his bottom lip and stared at the floor. She could see his mind racing.

"I need to explore this part of my life. I realize that doesn't seem to make sense, but it seems like everyone else is finding love and making their roots here and yet I'm still so lost. I still don't know where I belong. It hasn't been the same since I've returned.

Spencer, I am so confused about who I am and where I am going with my life. I need to find myself and as much as I need you all, I need to step out of my comfort zone to see what I am capable of. I need to know my place on this Earth and I feel Interpol is an opportunity to find some answers," she said as tears filled her eyes.

Spencer looked up at her with a softened expression. He walked forward and pulled her into a hug. He held her in silence for a few moments.

"I am not in anyway ok with this decision," he said. "That being said, I stand behind you and I'm here for you if you need me."

Emily laughed through her tears and held him tighter.

"I will miss you the most. We always had a great connection I didn't quite have with the others," she said before pulling away.

"That will still remain. An ocean can't take that away from us," he assured her with a smile.

Emily gave him a grateful smile.

"I should get going," she said.

"When do you leave?" he asked.

"Friday will be my last day at work and I'll leave Monday morning," she said frowning.

"That's fast," he said with sadness in his eyes. "You need help packing up? Carter and I would be glad to help."

"You are sweet, but one of the nice things about being lost is I don't have a lot of personal items. It won't take but one night to get everything that needs to go, packed. But thank you," she said as she opened the door.

"Can we do dinner this weekend? I'd like to see you before you go," he asked.

"I'd like that. I'll call you later and we'll set something up," she said. "Bye Spence."

"Bye Emily," he said sadly as he closed the door behind her.

He leaned against the door and felt the devastation of her revelation wash over him.

(xxxxx)

The next few days Spencer spent moping around. Carter tried not to be selfish about it, but she was frustrated that their week off together was nothing like she planned. She imagined lots of sex, maybe some picnics in the park or date nights. Instead they spent a majority of their time in the apartment. Spencer watching TV or reading, while Carter unpacked what little items she brought with her.

She wandered into the living room that Friday night and leaned over the couch, wrapping her arms around his neck. She placed a few gentle kisses on his cheek.

"How about you get cleaned up and we go out for dinner? My treat? Some place nice," she suggested.

"No thank you. I'm not real hungry," he said as he turned the page of his book.

Carter stood up instantly and growled. This caught Spencer's attention immediately. He looked up from his book to see the anger burning in her eyes.

"Something wrong?" he asked, completely confused.

"No, nothing's wrong Spencer. This is exactly how I imagined we would spend our first week living together. Me cleaning and organizing, while you read and watch TV," she said sarcastically.

Spencer's mouth dropped open, but he didn't say anything.

"Look, I get it. You're upset over Emily leaving and I can't blame you for that, but we only had one week alone before you go back to work and start going away for cases and now it's been wasted. You haven't paid an ounce of attention to me since my first night here.

Not an ounce! I have walked around the house wearing revealing clothing, I've made some suggestive offers. I have done everything, except shove your dick into my mouth without asking. I'm frustrated. I'm emotionally and sexually frustrated, right now," she said angrily, as her arms gestured wildly.

"Carter, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. This is just a very difficult time for me. Emily is my best friend and we just got her back," he said sadly.

"I couldn't possibly know what it feels like to just get someone back and have them leave again," she said with her hands on her hips.

"That is an apple, orange comparison! You and I will be living together, while Emily is going to be across the ocean!" he said beginning to rile up.

"Spencer, we are on borrowed time for the majority of our relationship. We need to make use of what little time we have together when we can and it is incredibly agitating when its pissed away," she said.

"Well, I am so sorry for having feelings, Carter," he said, drawing out the sentence for effect.

"I am not asking you to not feel! I am asking you to accept what's happening, deal with those feelings, and maybe push yourself to still go through your day! You have been moping around this house for 4 days! That is valuable time we can't get back!" Carter cried.

"Fine, let's go. Let's go out to eat," he said angrily.

"No, I'm not going out with you like this!" she said.

Spencer laughed with disbelief.

"So, if you don't want to go out to eat than why the hell are you nagging me? Is this what living with you is going to be like? Cause I didn't sign up for this," he said.

Carter stared at him wide-eyed for a moment. He could see the tears clouding her eyes. She blinked a few times before turning around grabbing her purse and walking out of the apartment. Spencer sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Shit," he whispered as he tossed his book down on couch.


	18. The Accident

"Spencer's always had a difficult time dealing with people leaving. He's probably lashing out at you partly due to fear of losing you."

"Lila, that makes no sense! The only way he'd lose me is if he pushes me away, which is exactly what he just did!" Carter said as she pulled up to a red light.

"I get it. I'm not saying what he did is justifiable in any way. I'm just saying, based on the experiences I've had with him over the years, he doesn't handle change like this well," Lila said over the phone.

Carter sighed as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Do you think it's bigger than that? Does he like Emily? Am I standing in the way of something that could be?" Carter wondered as her eyes welled up again.

"No, I don't think it has anything to do with that," Lila said.

The light turned green and Carter released the break. She placed her foot on the gas pedal and sighed.

"I don't know, maybe I should just –"

The last thing Lila heard was a deafening boom, the crackle of static on the other end, before the call was dropped.

(xxxxx)

Carter felt a pounding in her head. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around confused. She couldn't hear anything. There was smoke all around her. She tried to move, but she was unable to.

"Help," she choked out. "Someone help me."

She felt as though she were yelling, but she couldn't hear herself to know. Suddenly a face appeared next to her. The man was saying something to her, but she didn't know what.

"I can't get out," she told the man. "Help me."

The man reached out and gently rubbed her shoulder. Why wasn't he helping her out? She needed to get out. A wave of nausea swept over her as she began to sweat profusely. Her vision started growing fuzzy around the edges, before it took over and she fell unconscious again.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat in the waiting room. His leg bouncing nervously as he worried his hands.

"Reid, I came as quick as I could. What happened?"

Spencer looked up to see Derek rushing toward him.

"Drunk driver ran a red light," Spencer replied. "She's in surgery now. It's not good … the doctors said she was in critical condition. This is all my fault."

His lip trembled as he ran a hand through his hair. Derek's hand landed on his back, rubbing gently.

"Hey, this is not your fault. It's the moron who drove while under the influence," Derek assured him.

"I told her I thought moving in together was a bad idea. She left because of me. She should be home with me right now, but instead I chased her away," Spencer said angrily as tears filled his eyes.

Before Derek could share words of wisdom, Emily and Penelope came rushing into the waiting room.

"Oh my God, Reid, how is she?" Penelope said as she engulfed him in a hug.

"She's in surgery right now, but in critical condition," he said as he held back his emotions.

"What happened?" Emily wondered.

"Drunk driver," Derek replied, so Spencer could have a break.

"Figures. What happened to that ass hat?" Emily said visibly angry.

"He's been arrested," Spencer answered.

"He walked away with no injuries?" Penelope said in shock.

"He was driving a truck that was higher than my car. It crushed the vehicle. They had to use the jaws of life to get her out. The EMT's were shocked she even survived considering the condition of the car," Spencer said as his voice broke.

Penelope pulled him back into her arms and gently rubbed his back as she shushed him soothingly. This didn't last long as Spencer's phone started ringing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and lifted it to his ear.

"Hey," he said, pausing briefly to listen to the person on the other end. "Nothing yet. I promise the second I hear anything I will call you. Are you catching a flight out tonight? Do you need someone to pick you up? Alright, I'll be in touch."

Spencer hung up the phone and noticed the others watching him curiously.

"Lila," he said. "She was on the phone with Carter when the accident happened. That's how I found out so quickly. She called me when Carter's phone kept going to voicemail. She's flying out here on the next available flight, which isn't until tomorrow morning."

"Did she need someone to pick her up?" Penelope asked.

"She said no, but I think someone should anyway," he answered.

"I'll go get her. Just let me know when to be at the airport," Emily said.

"Thank you," Spencer said with a joyless smile.

They sat in silence for another hour and a half. By this time, Hotch and J.J. both called and asked to be informed of whatever happened, while Rossi stopped by to wait with the group. A doctor entered the waiting room with a clipboard and the entire room sat up straight waiting to hear their loved one's name called.

"Carter Mason," the doctor said.

Spencer jumped to his feet as the others followed closely behind.

"That's me," Spencer said when he approached the doctor. "I mean, that's my girlfriend. I'm Dr. Reid."

"A medical doctor?" the man asked.

"No, sir," Spencer replied without going into any details.

At this moment, he just wanted to know if Carter was going to be alright. The doctor seemed to sense that was the end of that conversation and moved right on. He looked down at the clipboard.

"Ms. Mason has suffered a small amount of injuries considering the state of the vehicle. That being said, the injuries she did sustain were quite serious. She broke a rib that punctured her left lung. We have a chest tube working on removing that air and will monitor it for the next few days.

She suffered a brain hemorrhage, to which we performed a Stereotactic aspiration to drain the blood. At this time that seems to have helped and the brain is not showing signs of abnormal swelling. However, we will be keeping an eye on that as well.

She fractured her left wrist and ankle, which we will be casted come morning. There were a few cuts that required stitches, but most of them were superficial. We are going to keep her in ICU for the time being. Once we are able to upgrade her status to a stable condition, we will move her to a general recovery room," the doctor explained as everyone listened in horror.

"May I see her?" Spencer muttered in a daze.

"Yes, but at this time, I would recommend only one visitor at a time. Tomorrow we can consider allowing an additional person," the doctor stated.

Spencer nodded and followed the doctor out of the room, while the others made phone calls to the loved ones waiting. The walk to the room was a blur. When they reached the room, the doctor led him inside, where Spencer felt his heart stop.

Laying hooked up to a bunch of a machines and looking more robot than human was a lifeless Carter. Her face was swollen and littered with cuts and bruises. Her left eye black and puffy. Her neck had a large bandage over it. Her hands were wrapped in gauze.

He sat down in a chair next to the bed and gently placed his fingertips against her fingertips.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I am so sorry. I am a jerk and this is all my fault. You should've never been in that car and … I'm just so sorry," he sobbed. "I promise if you come back to me I will make it up to you. I will never treat you like that ever again."

He laid his head down by her hand and cried out all of his guilt and anger until his body was so exhausted, he dozed off.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat watching Carter. She still hadn't woken up and it had been two days since the accident. Emily postponed moving, which Spencer was grateful for. He hadn't left Carter's side, except to use the restroom. He barely slept between the stress and the nurses constantly coming into the room. He talked to her on and off. Sometimes telling her stories about his childhood. Sometimes reciting poetry or novels he had read in the past.

The only comforting thing was the doctor did detect brain activity, so she was still with them and could wake up at any moment. The doctor felt between the trauma, the surgery, and the heavy medication, she was most likely just sleeping it all off.

He was just about to get up to stretch his legs, when he saw Carter's fingers twitch. He looked at them and looked up at her face, waiting anxiously for something to happen. Her fingers wiggled, and her hand moved slightly.

"Carter? Carter, sweetheart, can you hear me? It's Spencer," he said placing his hand gently on top of her bandaged hand.

He heard a soft murmur from her lips.

"Carter, I'm right here. It's ok," he said gently as he stared at her face, willing her to open her eyes.

With great relief, her eyes began to slowly open. Her swollen eye only opened a crack, while the other looked around the room in confusion.

"Carter, baby, can you hear me?" he said as he stood next to the bed.

She turned her head toward him and her eyes landed on him. For a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Did she recognize him? Could she talk? He waited with baited breath for her to do or say something.

"Spence," she whispered.

Spencer nearly collapsed from relief. Tears slid down his cheeks as he smiled at her.

"Hey, baby," he said sniffling.

"Where am I?" she asked looking around the room again.

"Sweetie, you were in an accident. You are at St. Joseph's in ICU. You've been sleeping for the past two days," he explained as he gently held her hand.

"It hurts to breathe," she said with pain in her eyes.

"You broke your rib and punctured a lung," he said wanting so much to take the pain away.

She seemed to be thinking about something and then her eyes grew larger.

"Did I hurt anyone?" she said horrified.

"No, baby. You didn't hurt anyone, because you didn't do this. This wasn't your fault. Someone ran a red light and hit you," he assured her.

She seemed to relax at this.

"Carter, do you remember what happened that night?" he asked her.

Her brows furrowed as she tried to remember the night of the accident. She shook her head no. Spencer didn't know if he was relieved or if he was upset with this information. Her eyes began to get smaller as she tried to stay awake.

"Why don't you get some more rest. We can talk when you wake up. You'll need the energy. There is a room full of people anxious to visit you," he said with a gentle smile.

Carter didn't respond, she just closed her eyes and instantly fell back to sleep.

(xxxxx)

The following morning, Spencer was woken by the feeling of something in his hair. He lifted his hand to swat it away but was met with a hand. He popped up to see Carter smiling at him. She looked more alert and the swelling in her face had gone down drastically.

"Hey," he said with a big smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was hit by a car," she said with a playful grin.

"Truck, actually," Spencer said light-heartedly.

"That explains the headache," she said as she rubbed her bandaged hand to her temple.

"You look better today. There is more color to your skin and a lot of the swelling has gone down," he said placing his hand on a patch of skin that wasn't bruised or cut.

They were quiet for a moment. Both just looking at each other. Spencer squinted a little and tilted his head.

"You remember that night now, don't you?" he said.

Carter's eyes dropped momentarily, before landing back on his. She gave a small nod.

"Carter, I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I was upset about Emily and I let it get the best of me. I started doing what I always do and pushed you away. You shouldn't be here. This is my fault that you are here and I … I," he stopped as his lip quivered and his eyes watered.

Carter went to speak, but he beat her to it.

"I nearly lost you. I have never been so scared and so angry in my entire life. I promised you that if you woke up I would make it up to you and I intend on doing just that. I will never let you live a day without knowing how loved you are. How special you are to me. How I can't live without you.

Carter, I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I am difficult and I can be a pain in the ass, but I promise to do all I can to give you the life you deserve," he started rambling.

He stopped when he felt Carter's hand touch his lips. He looked at her questioningly.

"How am I supposed to say yes, when you won't shut up," she said with a smile.

"Really?" he said stunned.

"Spencer, you are the love of my life and I can't think of anything that would make me happier than being your wife," she said with her hand cupping his cheek.

He blinked the tears from his eyes as he leaned forward to gently press his lips to hers. She responded more forcefully than he expected, but he happily joined her. He pulled back and gave her two quick kisses on her lips before standing back up.

"I kind of wish you decided to propose when I wasn't stuck in a bed with tubes popping out of me," she said.

Spencer chuckled.

"I still need to get you a ring, so how about this. We keep it a secret for now. When you recover I will propose again, with a ring this time and then we tell everyone?" he said.

Carter smiled and nodded.

"Ok, then. Well, I really don't want to share you with others, but I wasn't joking when I said there was a room full of people waiting to see you," Spencer said.

"Who's here?" she asked curiously.

Spencer looked up at the ceiling in thought and began counting them off on his fingers.

"Morgan, J.J., Emily, Garcia, Hotch, Rossi, Max, Alisha, Lila, your band; John, Kara, Adrian, Nick, and Billy, your makeup artist; Julie, your hair stylist; Cheree, your producer; Big Jay, your song writers; Evan and Leanne," he said.

"Wow, I can't believe everyone came to see me," she said truly stunned by this.

"That's just the people allowed to see you. You should see the crowd of fans outside that stood vigil. Garcia said that 'prayers for Carter' has been trending on something called Twitter," he said.

"I had no idea that many people cared about me," she said as tears filled her eyes.

"Darling, you are loved more than words can express," he said wiping away a fallen tear.

Carter smiled and let out a small sob.

"I love you Spencer Reid," she said.

"I love you Carter Mason Reid," he replied with a grin.


	19. The Surprise Visit

Spencer held the door open for Carter as she used her crutches to get through the door. She stopped about halfway through the lobby and took a deep breath. She still had some breathing issues from time to time as her rib and lung healed.

"You ok?" Spencer asked as his hand landed gently on her back.

"Yea, a little winded," she said with a small smile.

"And?" he pressed as he stared at her.

"And … a little nervous," she replied as she brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

It didn't stay and fell back into the same spot. Spencer smiled and reached out to tuck it behind her ear. This time it stayed put.

"There is nothing to be nervous about. Mom is going to love you," Spencer assured her.

"Are you sure about that?" she said leerily.

"I'm positive. How can she not love you? You are the most wonderful person in the world," he said placing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"You sure know how to melt my heart, Spencer Reid," she said with a shy grin.

"Come on," he said and continued to lead the way.

Once they had checked in, they went straight to Diana's room. Spencer had called that morning to see what condition his mother was in and according to the doctors, she was having a great day. He knocked gently on the door before pushing it open.

Sitting in a recliner, reading a book, sat a tall, skinny woman with blonde hair that stuck up in all directions. She clearly was Spencer's mom. She looked up and her eyes illuminated when she saw him.

"Spencer, what a surprise!" she said putting her book down.

"Hi Mom, how are you?" he asked as he went into the room and greeted her with a hug and a kiss.

"I'm doing much better now that you are here. What brings you here? Are you here for work?" she asked.

"No, I just wanted to visit and I also … I wanted to introduce you to the girl I've written you about, Carter," he said hesitantly.

"She's here?" Diana asked as she sat up straighter.

"Yea, she's in the hallway. May I bring her in?" he said.

"Well, don't be rude, Spencer. Show your guest in immediately," Diana said.

Spencer walked over to the door and peaked his head out. Diana could hear the click of something outside the door and watched as a beautiful, young girl wearing a sunflower romper entered the room on crutches.

"Oh my," Diana said as she surveyed Carter. "What happened?"

"She was in a car accident a couple weeks ago," Spencer replied.

"Are you alright?" Diana said, skipping over the introductions.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm doing much better. I hope to be off the crutches soon," Carter answered shyly.

"Were you at fault?" Diana suddenly inquired.

"Mom!" Spencer scolded.

"It's ok," Carter said smiling at him. "No, ma'am. I was hit by a drunk driver."

"Oh gracious. You know your father used to drive drunk when we were dating. Was the cause of many arguments back then. Once you were born though, he stopped doing it. In fact, he stopped drinking altogether. Was one of the few things that man did that was admirable," Diana rambled.

The room was quiet after that awkward admission.

"I'm sorry, I'm being incredibly rude. Diana," she said holding her hand out to shake Carter's hand.

"Carter. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Spencer speaks so highly of you," Carter said as she shook the woman's frail, boney hand.

"He speaks fondly of you, as well. I can see why. You are quite the sight to behold," Diana said smiling at her.

Carter blushed as she tucked some stray hairs behind her ear. The French braid she had done was starting to loosen and strands of hair were escaping. She felt disheveled, but Spencer thought it made her look adorable.

"That's so kind of you to say, thank you," Carter replied.

"So, Spencer says you are a singer?" Diana asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Please, call me Diana, enough with the ma'am nonsense," she said flicking her hand as a dismissal.

"Yes, ma'am … I mean, Diana," Carter corrected.

"Why did you choose to be a singer?" Diana questioned.

"I'm not sure there was ever really any other option for me. I knew this was what I was meant to do," Carter explained. "I had a difficult childhood and music was always something that helped me survive. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd even be here today if it weren't for music."

She felt Spencer's hand on hers. She looked at him and gave a small smile before linking their hands together.

"That must be why you get along with my son so much. Spencer, here, didn't have much of a childhood either. Between his father leaving and me being, well, me, he never really got to be a child. It's a wonder he turned out to be so accomplished," Diana said with guilt in her eyes.

"You were a great mom," Spencer said with sincerity.

"See what I mean? An angel that kid. He gives me credit when the only thing of value I did was birth him," Diana said.

"I realize you and I have just met, but I can assure you that you have left more of a positive impact on his life than you think. You gave him a thirst for knowledge that has made him the brilliant man he is today. I, also, am well aware of your strength and determination that he learned from you," Carter said making Diana's eyes cloud slightly.

"She's right mom. You didn't choose this lifestyle for yourself, but through it all, you did your best to make sure I was loved. I couldn't be prouder to be your son," Spencer said choking up.

Diana bit her bottom lip and turned her head to the side. She sniffled a bit before letting out a laugh.

"Well, how do you like this. You come to have a nice visit and it turns into a crying fest. Enough of this mush, why don't we play a game. Do you like games, Carter?" Diana asked as she wiped a stray tear.

"Yes ma'am … oops, sorry," she replied making everyone giggle.

"Alright, let's go play a game then," Diana said, getting up from her chair and leading them from her room.

(xxxxx)

Later that night, back in the hotel room, Spencer and Carter were sitting out on the balcony watching the sunset while sipping wine and eating fruit. The wind was blowing Carter's braided hair as Spencer watched her in awe.

"Thank you," Spencer said with a dreamy smile on his face.

"For what?" Carter asked as she turned her head to look at him.

"You were amazing with my mom today. She really likes you," he said.

"Were you worried she wouldn't?" Carter said with a playful grin.

"No, I was worried you might not like her. Sometimes she can be a little blunt and lately you never know what type of mood she's going to be in," he said with sadness in his eyes.

"She's wonderful, babe. I love her already and there is nothing that could possibly change that," she assured him as she clasped their hands together.

Spencer pulled on her arm, indicating he wanted her to come to him. Carter stood up and spun around to sit in his lap. Their lips met in a gentle and savory kiss. When they parted Carter grabbed a strawberry and placed it in his mouth. She watched him bit down and chew, before licking the juice from his lips.

"Can I ask you something?" Carter said eyeing him closely.

"Always," he replied.

"Do you ever think about experimenting sexually?" she said, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Oh, well, I wasn't expecting that question," he said.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that if it makes you feel uncomfortable," she said.

"No, I don't mind answering. I just, I mean I'm not sure what I was expecting you to ask, but it wasn't that," he replied looking a bit flush. "I don't know that I've ever really thought about it to be honest. I think about having sex with you often, but not really anything more than what we already do. Why? Do you?"

Carter turned red and looked down at her shorts as though she'd never seen them before. She began to pick at a few threads, when Spencer put his hand over hers to stop her.

"Hey, it's nothing you need to be embarrassed about. I didn't say I wouldn't experiment, I just never really thought about it," he said.

Carter looked up at his non-judgmental eyes and sighed.

"I guess given my background and all the things I've seen I find myself fantasizing …" she said, now turning a deep, almost maroon, red.

"There aren't a lot of statistics regarding sexual fantasies, but the few studies out there have proven that fantasies of any kind are actually quite prevalent. They can range from something as tame as sex in certain places to hardcore BDSM," Spencer said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, hell. Hearing you say hardcore and BDSM in one sentence is hot," Carter said, feeling less ashamed.

Spencer laughed, which in turn made Carter laugh.

"Is that what turns you on? Hardcore BDSM?" he asked.

"No, not at all. I would say that my fantasies are quite tame," she said.

"Ok, well, tell me one," he encouraged.

Carter seemed to get twitchy again.

"Ok, would you ever consider role playing?" she asked shyly.

"Didn't we do that on Christmas Eve?" he said.

"Sort of, but I was thinking with like costumes and being in character the entire time," she said.

"I don't know how good I would be, but I don't see why not. What kind of role playing?" he said as if she just asked him what he wanted for dinner.

"Well, I sort of have a few of them, but I guess one I've fantasized about recently was you being a professor and I'd be the student," she said.

"Really? Me teaching turns you on?" he said with a furrowed brow.

"Oh my gosh, yes," she growled. "Listening to you lecture and be all sexy and smart. Standing in front of me with your glasses, blue suit, and sweater vest."

She bit her lip as she felt herself already being turned on. Spencer seemed to be growing fonder of this fantasy as well.

"And what happens in this fantasy?"

"Well, I come to you after class has been dismissed because you want to talk to me about my essay I turned in. You are impressed with how well it's written and want to reward me for it," she said seductively.

Spencer shifts in his seat and Carter smirks at the feeling of his hardening dick beneath her. She squirms slightly, making him swallow hard.

"And what are you wearing?" he said, barely audible.

"It's a fancy establishment, so I would probably be in a respectable uniform. A plaid skirt, white dress shirt that reveals the pink bra I'm wearing underneath and knee-high socks," she whispered into his ear.

"Mmm hmm," he hummed with his eyes closed.

"Sadly, we can't do that fantasy now," she said as she nipped at his ear lobe. "But, we can still have a little fun. Have you ever heard of 69?"

"Assuming you aren't speaking mathematically, I'm going to say no," he replied making Carter grin.

"You have so much to learn my dear," she said taking his hand and limping into the hotel room.

(xxxxx)

Spencer woke up to the sound of his alarm. He rolled over and turned off his phone and sat up rubbing his eyes. Next to him, Carter let out a loud groan.

"Sorry darling, we need to start getting ready. Our flight leaves in a couple hours," he said.

"I don't want to move. I feel sick," she whined as she curled up under the blankets.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked as he turned to face her.

"My stomach hurts. I shouldn't have eaten that sushi last night. I knew it tasted weird," she whined.

"That's why I don't eat raw fish. It's gross," he replied.

"Noted," she snipped.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. You want me to go see if I can find ginger ale?" he said as he gently rubbed her back through the comforter.

"Uhhhhhhh," she moaned. "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I'm dying."

Spencer gave a little chuckle and put his hand on her forehead.

"You are warm and sweaty," he said. "You may have a fever."

With that, Carter kicked off the blankets and made a dash for the bathroom. Spencer heard the toilet lid clatter open, followed by the sound of Carter retching. He winced as he got up and walked over to the bathroom.

Carter's face was buried in the toilet as she continued to empty the contents of her stomach. Meanwhile, Spencer ran a rag under the sink and walked over to place it on her neck. After vomiting a few more times, she finally leaned back against the tub and closed her eyes.

"You are white as a ghost. I'm going to see if we can extend our stay another night. We'll try to fly out tomorrow," he said.

"If I live to see tomorrow," Carter said as she took slow, deep breaths.

Spencer walked out of the bathroom to get his phone. While making arrangements he heard Carter get sick multiple times more. Once all the plans were changed he went back into the bathroom to find her curled up in a ball on the floor.

"My poor girl," he said bending down next to her. "Come here. Let me help you to bed."

He scooped her up in his arms. By this time, she was shivering. Spencer laid her in the bed and covered her up. He placed a trash can next to the bed and put a glass of water on the night stand.

"I'm going to run to the store and get you some nausea medicine and some ginger ale. Is there anything else you would like?" he said as he ran his hand along her hairline.

"No, thank you," she whispered.

"Get some rest, my love," he said as he kissed her forehead.

Before he even left, Carter had already drifted off to sleep.


	20. The Illness

"Hold the doors, please!"

Spencer stuck is arm out to stop the elevator doors from closing. A middle-aged woman with short brown hair ran into the elevator and gave him a smile.

"Thanks," she said.

"Sure, what floor?" Spencer asked.

She looked at the row of buttons and pointed to it.

"Same floor as you apparently," she replied. "What division do you work in?"

"The BAU," he said.

"Ah, well, I should introduce myself then. Alex Blake," she said holding her hand out.

Spencer stared at her hand and then gave a small wave. Alex frowned and looked down at her hand, before looking back at him.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry, I don't shake hands. The amount of germs that are passed through handshakes are astounding. It would be less of risk to kiss," he said and then turned red. "Not that I'm offering."

Alex laughed and put her hand down.

"You must be Dr. Reid," she said smiling at him.

"You know who I am?" he said surprised.

"David Rossi told me all about you," she said as the door to their floor opened. "Not just you, but the entire team. I've been asked to join the team."

"Oh, well, welcome," Spencer said as they walked through the glass doors.

"Thank you. I look forward to working with you all," she said as they stopped just above the stairs to the bullpen. "Could you direct me to Agent Hotchner's office?"

Spencer nodded and pointed to his door. She gave him a grateful nod and walked off.

"Who is that?"

Spencer turned to see Derek and Penelope walking up behind him.

"Our new teammate," Spencer said.

They stood watching as she went into the office.

"Oh, hey, how is Carter?" Penelope wondered.

"Not much better. We were able to fly out last night, but she got sick on the plane and woke up through the night a few times," Spencer said as they walked toward his desk.

"Poor angel," Penelope frowned.

"I hope you don't catch it," Derek said, keeping his distance as they walked to reached their desks.

"She thinks it's food poisoning from a restaurant we went to. She had sushi and said it tasted funny. I told her that's why I don't eat raw fish," he said as he placed his satchel down.

"Well, just in case it's a stomach virus you better keep those hands washed and stay a safe distance away from me," Derek said.

"I'll do my best not to hang all over you," Spencer said sarcastically.

They heard a loud, sharp whistle. They looked up to see Rossi leaning on the railing above.

"Conference room. We have a case," he said.

Spencer grabbed his bag and followed Derek up the stairs.

(xxxxx)

Carter was curled up in bed, tossing and turning. The nausea she felt was unbelievable. It was difficult to sleep because even in her dreams she felt like vomiting. It had been two days of on and off retching and she was exhausted. Her body was terribly dehydrated and throbbing.

Her cell phone rang and she blindly slapped her hand around the bed until she found it.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Spencer said.

"I'm dying," she replied.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Why don't you go to a doctor? They can probably give you something for the pain and nausea?"

"No, once I get more water in me I'll be fine. I just ache from dehydration. I can't imagine this will last much longer," she said as she took a sip of water from next to the bed.

"Well, I hate to leave you, but we have a case in Kentucky. I made arrangements with Garcia to check in on you. If you need her for anything, she said not to hesitate," he said.

"Ok."

"I love you and I'll check in as much as I can," he said.

She could hear the worry in his voice.

"I'll be ok, Spence. Don't worry about me. Just be safe," she said.

"I will."

"I love you," Carter said.

"Love you too, babe. Get some rest."

Carter hung up and rolled over, hoping to fall asleep.

(xxxxx)

Carter sat up at the sound of knocking on her door. She looked at the clock on Spencer's side of the bed and saw that it was nearly 9am. She had finally fallen asleep, but it didn't seem to help much. She was still nauseous and her body ached.

She rolled out of bed and slowly made her way to the door. She felt wobbly and lightheaded. She realized that between all the vomiting and dehydration, she also hadn't eaten in nearly 4 days now. She unlocked the door and pulled it open.

"Oh, my poor baby," Penelope gushed as she reached out and placed her hands on Carter's cheeks. "You look terrible."

"Thanks," Carter said jokingly.

"I didn't mean anything by that," Penelope said as she realized how that sounded.

"It's alright, Penny. I was teasing," Carter said as she started slowly walking toward the kitchen.

She figured she would get herself another glass of water. Perhaps a fresh cup would be better than the glass from last night. Penelope followed her.

"Feel any better?"

"Not even an ounce," Carter said as she filled her cup with water.

"Maybe you should see a doctor?" Penelope suggested.

"I'll be fine," Carter replied as she began walking back to her bedroom.

She stopped halfway to the bedroom as her eye sight began to turn dark at the edges. The sound of her heart beating pounded in her ears. She reached out her hand to grab onto something and that was the last she remembered.

(xxxxx)

Spencer stood in front of a map of Louisville. In his hand he held different colored pins. He was slowly placing them on the map, when his cell phone started ringing. He used his free hand to answer the call.

"It's Garcia," he called over his shoulder to J.J., who was looking over photos of the deceased. "Go, ahead Garcia."

"Reid, Carter was taken to the hospital," Penelope said, clearly shaken up.

"What happened?" Spencer said dropping the pins onto the table.

J.J. stood up from her chair with her jaw dropped and listened intently.

"I stopped by to check on her and she fainted. I couldn't get her to wake up. The doctor said that she was dehydrated and her blood sugar level was 52," she explained.

"I'll catch the next flight out," Spencer said.

He hung up the phone with Garcia and looked at J.J.

"Go, I'll call Hotch and let him know what's going on," she said.

Spencer thanked her as he grabbed his bag and quickly exited the room.

(xxxxx)

It took some time, but Spencer eventually made it home late that evening. By this time Carter had been released and was at home resting. He hurried through the door and was greeted by Penelope, who was sitting on the couch with her laptop set up.

"Where is she? Is she ok?" he asked.

"Yea, she's in the bedroom watching tv. I'm going to pack up and head back to the office. Call me if you need anything," she said.

"Thank you, Garcia," he said sincerely.

Penelope smiled and continued to clean up, while Spencer went to the bedroom. He sighed with relief when he saw Carter watching tv, while sipping on a ginger ale. When she saw him, she frowned guiltily. Clearly, Penelope didn't mention he was coming home.

"Oh, Spence, you didn't need to come. I'm fine," she said.

"No, I needed to be here. I shouldn't have left in the first place," he said as he sat on the bed and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

He looked at her as he ran his hand across her cheek.

"You don't look as pale," he said gently.

"I feel a lot better. They gave me some fluids to rehydrate me, which helped with the aching. They also gave me something for the nausea, which has worked wonders," she said.

"I'm so glad," he said grabbing her hand. "I am going to call the manager of that restaurant and have some words with him. I may even call and have that place inspected. They could kill someone."

"It's not their fault," Carter said, trying to calm him down.

"It absolutely is their fault. They have a responsibility to be sure that all food served to their customers is safe from contamination," he said, before Carter cut him off.

"Spence, I'm pregnant."

He stopped and stared at her, his jaw slightly agape. Carter swallowed hard and looked down at her worrying hands.

"I didn't have food poisoning. I was experiencing severe morning sickness, which I suppose in this case was all day sickness. The medication the doctor prescribed won't hurt the baby and should only need to be taken as needed for the first trimester. He said over time it should subside," she said, still not looking at him.

Spencer didn't reply. Carter peeked up at him through her lashes and saw that he was in a daze.

"I realize this isn't something that you anticipated and well, I understand if you don't want to have this baby," she said softly, as the pain filled her heart. "I can raise it by myself."

This seemed to snap him back to reality. He looked at her for the first time since hearing this news and saw the pained expression on her face.

"I am completely caught off guard by this," he said, as she took a shaky breath and tried to hold back her tears. "But once it fully sinks in I know I'll be thrilled."

Carter looked at him with confusion.

"Carter, we are going to raise our child together. I am not going to abandon you or the baby," he said grabbing her hands.

"Really?" she said as a tear escaped.

"We were planning to get married, which I assumed meant at some point we would start a family together. We just … did things a little out of order," he shrugged.

"Oh, Spence," she said as more tears fell.

He leaned forward and pulled her into a hug. When they pulled back she took his hand and placed it on her belly.

"Can you believe that something we created together is growing inside me?" she said with a smile.

"It is an amazing phenomenon," he said as his thumb gently rubbed the fabric covering her stomach.

He bent down and placed a small kiss on the gown.

"Hi little one. You can't hear yet, but I'm your daddy. I have no idea what to do or how this parenting thing works, but I love you and I promise I will take good care of you and mommy," he said, which made Carter cry happily.

"Oh, and please stop making mommy sick," he said making her laugh.

(xxxxx)

Two days later, the team returned from the Kentucky case. It was around 10pm as they trudged into the office. J.J. was the first to spot Spencer sitting at his desk.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she said with a smile.

Everyone made their way to him as he stood up from his desk.

"How is Carter?" Hotch asked.

Spencer had kept him updated about her well-being but had not told them the cause of the illness. He had kept that a secret.

"She's feeling a lot better. She is able to eat again and is slowly gaining back her strength," he replied.

"Dude, you better not spread that virus! I am serious! I don't have time to be sick," Derek said, as he waved his hand in front of his face, as though killing imaginary germs.

Spencer laughed and shook his head.

"I guarantee you can't catch what she has," he said with a grin.

"Did the hospital confirm food poisoning?" J.J. asked.

Spencer shook his head no as everyone furrowed their brow.

"Then what is it?" J.J. said confused.

"It's a baby!"

Everyone jumped as Penelope burst out of her office waving two flags. One was blue that said it's a boy and the other was pink that said it's a girl.

"What?" J.J. gushed as she turned to look at a beaming Spencer.

He couldn't find the words, so he nodded his confirmation. J.J. squealed and dove into Spencer's arms, while the others took turns hugging and congratulating him.

"This calls for a celebration! Drinks on me!" Rossi said as everyone cheered.


	21. The Reid Wedding

_So, my memory is not great at all the fine details. AHowell reminded me that Alex actually met Spencer before. For the sake of my story, Spencer and Alex have never met until the moment on the elevator. For all of the story, it's safe to say if it's out of order or doesn't line up perfectly with the show, it's intentional._

 _The song in this is Two Pieces by Demi Lovato. Hope you enjoy! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Carter sat in bed reading a book on babies when she heard the front door close. She looked at the time and saw that it was 11pm. This was much earlier than she expected him when he said he was going out to celebrate with the team.

"Spence?" she called out.

He appeared in the doorway with a smile.

"Hey, you're home early," she said as he walked over to the bed.

He dropped down next to her and snuggled up against her.

"I didn't want to be away from you," he said.

Carter giggled as he nuzzled her neck. She closed the book and tossed it onto the side table.

"You wouldn't have been gone that long," she said as she cradled him to her chest.

"Any moment away from you is too long," he said.

She grinned and kissed the top of his head.

"I miss you too, baby," she said as their hands tangled together.

Spencer rolled onto his back and pulled Carter with him. She landed on his chest with a giggle before pressing her lips to his. His hands framed her face and tangled in her hair as they kissed passionately. When they pulled away, Spencer pressed his forehead to hers.

"I love you more than life itself," he said tenderly.

"I love you too," Carter replied as she gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Do you still want to marry me?" he asked as they looked into each other's eyes.

"More than you'll ever know," she said with a smile.

As she ran her fingers through his hair something caught her eye. She pulled her hand from him and gasped when she saw the white gold 2 carat diamond ring on her finger.

"Oh my God, baby! It's beautiful!" she cried as she stared at the ring.

"You like it?" he said with a grin.

"I love it!" she said before smothering him with kisses.

She stopped kissing him and leaned back with a questioning look.

"Wait, when did you put that on my finger?"

Spencer laughed.

"When I first laid down on the bed," he said.

"How did I not feel that?" she said in shock.

"Magic," he replied.

"Yes, those hands are magic and they better be ready to perform some more tricks, cause this lady is ready for a show," Carter said as she sat up and lifted her night shirt over her head.

(xxxxx)

Three months had gone by since Spencer and Carter found out about the baby. A lot had happened during that time. Realizing they couldn't raise a baby in Spencer's apartment, they purchased a home down the street from J.J. and Will.

Carter turned the basement into a studio and began working on her next album. During the day she would work on writing and recording and at night she would decorate the house room by room. Spencer was busy at work as usual.

Finally, and most importantly, their wedding was nearly here. Just a week away before they tied the knot in a private ceremony at Rossi's mansion. They had gone back and forth about where to get married, when Spencer suggested following in J.J.'s simplistic footsteps.

With it being the beginning of her second trimester, the nausea had subsided and she wasn't showing yet, so this made it the perfect time to have the wedding.

It was late Monday night when Spencer arrived home from a case to find Carter and Penelope crafting centerpieces at the kitchen table.

"Welcome home, Reid!" Penelope said as she waved a flower in the air.

"Evening ladies," he said as he walked over to the table to give Carter a kiss. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good baby. Penny said the case went well," she said as she tied some ribbon around a vase.

"Yes, thankfully we caught him pretty quickly," Spencer said as he yawned.

"You want some pizza?" Carter asked as she began digging through the mess to find the pizza box.

"I'm going to go shower first. You need any help?"

"No, you get some rest. It's been a long two days for you," Carter insisted.

Spencer nodded as he trudged from the room.

"Does he know yet?" Penelope whispered.

"No, it's a surprise, so not a word!" Carter said in a hushed, but serious voice.

Penelope pretended to lock her lips and throw away the key.

(xxxxx)

The wedding day had arrived. Spencer stood in the bedroom staring at his reflection in the mirror. He adjusted his bowtie for the fourth time, still worried it was crooked. He ruffled his hair, trying in vain to make it less of a mess. He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," he said, still facing the mirror.

The door opened and Rossi walked in with Derek.

"You ready, kid?" Rossi asked.

"I don't know. Does this look straight? I can't seem to get it straight," he said with panic in his voice.

"Calm down, you look great," Derek said.

Spencer turned back to the mirror and adjusted his jacket.

"It's normal to be nervous, but that will all disappear the moment you see your bride," Rossi said as he placed a gentle hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"What if she backs out? What if she realizes I'm not good enough for her?" Spencer said with fear in his eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take a deep breath!" Derek said as Spencer tried to regulate his breathing. "Carter is head over heels in love with you. She is not going to back out because you _are_ good enough for her. In fact, you are perfect for her."

Spencer nodded as he took a deep breath.

"You ready?" Rossi asked him again.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he said as he followed the guys out of the room.

As they walked out back, Spencer was too nervous to look at the crowd of family and friends watching him. He looked at his feet as he made his way up to the wooden arch that would be their alter. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths as he waited for the ceremony to begin.

Instrumental music began to play softly as Lila made her way down the aisle. She wore a royal blue chiffon dress that had one strap that covered her left shoulder. Her hair was braided with wisps of it blowing in the evening breeze.

Everyone stood as the next song began to play. The backdoor to Rossi's mansion opened and Carter stepped out with her arm linked to Max's. Her dress was simple, yet stunning. It was white silk sheath that laid perfectly on her body. Her hair was half up, with curls hanging down the back and a sparkly diamond headband on top.

She walked toward Spencer with a beaming smile on her face as tears streamed from her eyes. Spencer, too, was crying as he watched her. It was as though the room was empty and it was only the two of them.

When she reached him, Spencer held out his hand and brought her to stand in front of him.

"You look breathtaking," he said as his lip trembled.

Carter sniffled as more tears spilled.

"You do too," she said giggling.

A handkerchief appeared over her shoulder. She gave Lila a grateful smile as she wiped at her tears, before gently dabbing Spencer's away as well.

"Friends and family, we want to thank you for being with us on this special occasion. We are gathered here today to witness the union of Spencer Reid and Carter Mason," the officiant began.

Everyone listened quietly as the officiant read some scriptures and talked about the beauty of marriage. Finally, it came time for the vows. Lila handed Carter a piece of paper.

"Spencer, it was at a wedding where I first met you. It seems so fitting that I would find the man of my dreams at a celebration of love. Much of my life, I felt alone and unlovable. I felt like any man who saw me would only see damaged goods and run. But you were different. When you looked at me … I felt beautiful," she said as she started to cry.

Spencer squeezed her hand tightly as she took a deep breath and tried to compose herself.

"You saw something in me, nobody ever saw. You saw me. I never believed in love until you came into my life. I thank God every single day that you wanted me. I promise to never make you regret that. I will love you and cherish you and adore you until my last breath.

And then, I will love you through eternity. You are my best friend and I am so honored to be yours," she said as broke down again.

Spencer wiped at his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"Well, we'll see if I can get through this," he said as the crowd and Carter laughed. "There will never be enough words in the dictionary to describe how much you mean to me. Mahatma Gandhi said, "where there is love there is life." My life began when I met you.

In my wildest dreams I never imagined that I would find someone who loved me unconditionally. Who loved me despite my awkwardness and quirks. Who loved me through my statistic ramblings and fact sharing," he said making everyone laugh.

"You are the greatest, most precious gift and I am humbled and amazed that you would chose to marry me, when there are millions of others that would die for that honor. Every day I get to spend with you is a day I don't deserve but will treasure. I promise to never take you for granted. To always love and protect you. To make sure that your life is the fairytale that you deserve. You are my angel and I love you beyond comprehension."

Carter wiped at the fresh set of tears that were streaming down her face.

"Now we will have the exchange of rings," the officiant said as Lila and Derek handed over the rings.

"Spencer repeat after me, 'I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and promise to you'."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and promise to you," Spencer said as he slipped the ring on Carter's finger.

"Carter, repeat after me, 'I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and promise to you'."

"Spencer, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and promise to you," she said as she slipped the ring on his finger.

"It is my pleasure, with the power vested in me, by the state of Virginia, that I present to you Dr. and Mrs. Spencer Reid. You may now kiss your bride."

Spencer cupped Carter's face and gently kissed her. After a few moments of tender kisses, they separated to screams and claps. They walked back down the aisle and into the mansion, to wait for the start of the reception. Once inside alone, Carter pulled Spencer into her and gave him a passionate kiss.

As they continued to make out in the living room, the sound of a giggle and a throat being cleared caught their attention. They broke a part immediately, both blushing at having been caught. Spencer's face dropped in surprise at the two faces looking back at him.

"What are you guys doing here?" he said stunned.

"We couldn't possibly miss Dr. Reid tying the knot," the woman said with a grin.

"But, how did you know?"

"Your charming wife contacted us," the man said with a gentle voice.

Carter smiled shyly at the man as Spencer turned to face her.

"You did this?" he said in awe.

"I know they were important to you," she replied with a smile.

He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly.

"You really are too good to be true," he whispered into her ear.

"So, do we get a hug, too, or no?"

Spencer let go of Carter and sniffled as he approached them.

"I'm sorry, it's great to see you Elle," he said as he wrapped his arms around his old co-worker.

"You look great, Reid. You've grown into a handsome man," she said as she gently placed her hand on his cheek.

Spencer blushed and then turned to face his mentor. The older man gave him a soft smile.

"You look good," he said in a low voice.

"You do, too. Thank you for coming. It's been a long time," Spencer said.

"Gideon, hug the boy already!" Elle said as she watched the two standing awkwardly in front of one another.

Gideon shot Elle a look, but Spencer reached out and gave him a hug. Gideon gently patted Spencer's back as he felt himself choking up.

"I'm proud of you," Gideon said as Spencer silently cried on his shoulder.

They separated and wiped their eyes. Even Carter and Elle teared up as they watched the emotional reunion.

"We will see you two outside," Elle said as she and Gideon turned to leave.

Spencer lifted Carter into his arms and began kissing her feverishly. When they broke a part to get air, Spencer put her back onto her feet.

"I love you so damn much," he said pressing his forehead to hers.

"I love you too, husband," she said as they kissed again.

(xxxxx)

The ceremony had been in full swing. There were lots of laughs and plenty of dancing. Even Spencer let loose and joined in on the fun. Dinner went great, the speeches were wonderful, the cake cutting was funny – both getting cake smashed into each other's faces.

Diana was having a great evening and enjoyed dancing with several of the BAU. Emily had flown in from London for the weekend, so the girls had a lot of fun celebrating together. It was the perfect night.

As the party neared it's ending, Spencer heard Carter's voice over the loud speaker. He looked up to see her on stage with the band.

"If I could have everyone's attention for a moment. I'd like to thank you all for being here tonight to celebrate with us. Spencer and I are incredibly grateful to have you in our lives. So, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Now, before we close out the night with a final dance, I'd like to share a song I wrote for the greatest man I've ever known," she said smiling at Spencer, who had made his way closer to the stage.

"Spence, you and I didn't have the easiest lives. We both suffered a lot of tragedy at a young age. It's strange to look back at it and realize that if those moments didn't happen, we might not be who we are or where we are today. With that in mind, this song is for you, my love."

Diana appeared next to Spencer and smiled at him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her head as the band started playing.

" _There's a boy lost his way  
Looking for someone to play  
There's a girl in the window  
Tears rolling down her face_

 _We're only lost children  
Trying to find a friend  
Trying to find a way back home"_

The instrumental grew louder as Carter started playing her guitar and moving to the beat of the music.

" _We don't know where to go  
So I'll just get lost with you  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together right, we fit together right_

 _These dark clouds over me  
Rain down and roll away  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together like  
Two pieces of a broken heart_

 _I know where we could go  
And never feel let down again  
We can build sandcastles  
I'll be the Queen  
You'll be my King_

 _We're only lost children  
Trying to find a friend  
Trying to find our way back home_

 _We don't know where to go  
So, I'll just get lost with you  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together right, we fit together right_

 _These dark clouds over me  
Rain down and roll away  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together like  
Two pieces of a broken heart_

 _Now, I can lay my head down  
And fall asleep  
Oh, but I don't have to fall asleep  
To see my dreams  
Cause your right there in front of me_

 _There's a boy lost his way  
Looking for someone to play_

 _We don't know where to go  
So, I'll just get lost with you  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together right, we fit together right_

 _These dark clouds over me  
Rain down and roll away  
We'll never fall apart  
Cause we fit together like  
We fit together like  
Two pieces of a broken heart_

 _There's a boy lost his way  
Looking for someone to play"_


	22. The Honeymoon

_Sorry for the delay in an update. I debated this chapter for some time, but I feel we need a bit of fluff before the next few chapters. Be warned it is their honeymoon – so it's not surprising what they do._

 _Thanks for the support and comments! They always make me smile! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

The car ride back to the house following the wedding was agonizingly long. Carter kept leaning over to lick and nibble on Spencer's neck and earlobe. It took a lot of effort to focus on the road. When they finally arrived home, after unlocking the front door, Spencer lifted Carter off her feet and carried her inside.

He quickly rebolted the door before heading upstairs for their bedroom. When they got there he gently put her down on her feet. Carter's feet barely touched the floor before she threw her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers.

"I love you so much," Carter moaned as she frantically kissed him.

"I love you so much," he repeated as she yanked off his tie.

She began unbuttoning his shirt as their kiss continued. After she pushed it off his shoulders and onto the floor, she started working on his pants.

"I always …" he said as they kissed. "Thought … this would … be … much slower."

His pants dropped to his ankles as she stepped back and pushed the straps of her dress off. The white silk slid gracefully down her body until it reached her feet.

"We have an entire week to have all the slow sex you want. Right now, I'm so fucking hot for you, I can't wait any longer for you to take me," she said lustfully.

Spencer didn't argue any further as he climbed out of his briefs and pushed her backward onto the bed. Carter worked on tossing her bra away as Spencer tugged off her panties. She reached out and pulled him next to her, feverishly kissing him.

As they made out, Spencer ran his hand along her body. Squeezing her breasts before making his way to between her legs, where he found her already soaking wet.

"Told you," she said when he moaned at this.

Without further delay, Spencer threw himself on top of her, lined himself up with her entrance and easily pushed inside. He began to slide in and out of her as their mouths became one again. As they progressed, Spencer's thrusting became more desperate and erratic.

Their moans and groans were loud. The bed squeaked and the headboard smacked against the wall. The sound of their skin slapping together added to the sexual orchestra.

"Talk to me," Carter said suddenly.

"Huh?" Spencer asked as he continued to pound into her.

"Talk to me. Tell me how good it feels," she pleaded.

"Baby, it feels so good. You feel so amazing," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"Keep going," she said as her eyes clenched shut in concentration.

"Mmmm, you're so beautiful. My wife is so fucking beautiful," he said making her start to cry louder. "That's it. Come for me. Come for your husband."

With that Carter surged forward. Her body shaking and convulsing as she gave into her orgasm. Spencer watched as she writhed beneath him and her mouth hung open in ecstasy. This was enough to throw him over. Two more hard thrusts and he exploded.

He moved slowly in and out of her a few more times, enjoying the last of his orgasm. He dropped next to Carter and tried to catch his breath. She lay quietly beside him doing the same. A few minutes later, Carter propped herself up on her arm and smiled at him.

"Thank you. I needed that so bad," she said as she gave him a quick kiss. "Looking at you all night in that sexy tuxedo was torture."

"You looked breathtaking in your dress, but I have to admit, watching it fall to the floor was a million times more breathtaking," he said with a grin.

Carter laughed and straddled his lap.

"So, before we go for round two, I was thinking a nice soak in the jacuzzi sounds wonderful," she said as her hands ran up and down his chest.

"I'll go get some sparkling cider and meet you there," he said with a grin.

(xxxxx)

Carter turned the hot tub on and sat on the edge, dipping only her feet into the lukewarm water. The patio door swung open and Spencer came walking out with a basket that he placed on the tall table top that sat next to the jacuzzi.

"I brought cider," he said lifting a bottle and two glasses out. He placed them on the table. "and I brought some fruit."

He lifted out a container of strawberries, a bowl of mixed fruit, and a couple bananas.

"Ohhh, strawberries and fake wine. Porn food," she said smiling at him.

"Porn food?" he said furrowing his brow.

"Yea, like in some porn movies the woman seduces the man by eating a piece of fruit seductively, usually a strawberry. She'll tease him by holding it out for him to have a bite, but then move it away before he can actually get it," she explained.

"And this turns people on?" he asked skeptically.

"Sweetie, you would be surprised by the things that turn people on," Carter laughed.

"Does it turn you on?" he asked as he handed her a glass of cider.

"Anything you do turns me on. So, I'm sure if you tried to seductively eat fruit in front of me, I'd be ready to go," she said before taking a sip of her drink.

"Interesting, well maybe I'll just have to test it out and see," he grinned.

Carter giggled as she slid into the warm water.

"Mmm, it's nice and warm now," she said as she swam over to put her glass on the table.

Spencer climbed the stairs and carefully stepped into the jacuzzi.

"We shouldn't stay in here long. I read that it's not good for the baby," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"Don't worry, I won't stay in long. I just needed to relax my muscles a bit," she said.

"Turn around," Spencer said.

Carter unlocked her legs from his waist and turned to face away from him. He brushed her wet hair to the middle of her back and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them. Carter let out a sigh of pleasure as he worked on loosening the knots.

After a few minutes of this, Carter spun around and gave him a chaste kiss.

Thank you, baby. That felt great," she said softly.

"Anything for my wife," he said with a smile.

"That will never grow old, husband," she sighed.

"Agreed."

Carter walked over to the table and grabbed one of the strawberries. She held it up and looked at Spencer with a smirk.

"So, you wanna play a game?" she asked.

"Oh boy," he laughed. "Um, maybe."

"Let's see if I can turn you on enough that you can't resist me," she said.

"That won't be hard," he replied.

"But I'm going to use fruit to entice you and you need to try your hardest to hold out. If you can go five minutes without touching me or yourself, you get to choose the movie we watch on the flight. If I win, I get to choose."

"Ok, deal," he said leaning back against the side of the jacuzzi.

Carter took the strawberry and slowly licked the outside of it. She took a bit slowly and watched for a reaction out of Spencer. When all he did was give her a small smile, she turned around and grabbed another one.

Hopping on to the edge of the jacuzzi she spread her legs as far as she could. She took the berry and slowly trailed it down her body. When she reached between her thighs, she rubbed the fruit along her slit and frowned.

"Ok, this seemed a lot sexier in my head," she said making Spencer burst out laughing.

She tossed the strawberry onto the table and slid back into the water.

"It's not that it wasn't sexy …" Spencer tried, but couldn't stop laughing.

"I just shoved a strawberry into my twat, Spencer. I really don't think it gets unsexier than that," she said, playfully pouting.

"I bet you taste delicious though," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

"Care to find out?" she said seductively.

With that Spencer lifted her into his arms and placed her on the edge of the top stair. He wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled her close before slowly licking up once. He leaned back slightly to view her expression. Her eyes were full of desire and her one hand clutched the railing.

Leaning back into her he began to alternate between rapid tongue flicks and sucking. Carter's head tilted back as she moaned and squirmed under his touch. She leaned back on her elbows and tried to watch, but her eyes kept closing in ecstasy.

"Oh, Spence, that feels so good," she moaned.

He began to add more pressure as one arm held her tightly in place and the other reached up to grasp her breast. Carter was whimpering as he brought her closer and closer to the edge with only his mouth. She reached out with one hand and pressed on the back of his head as she wiggled her hips against his hard-working mouth.

Spencer didn't even need to add a finger as he had planned because he felt Carter's body begin to shake. He had to let go of her breast to hold her down with both hands now as she wriggled frantically. Her cries growing louder and her panting more rapid. Finally, she surged forward and crushed his head against her as she hit her orgasm.

He couldn't move for a moment as she used him to rub out the last of it. She finally let go and collapsed on the stairs with a sigh. Spencer stepped back and wiped his face clean. He moved back over to her and laid his head on her propped-up leg. He didn't say anything, just watched her come down from her high.

After a few moments, Carter sat up and got back into the water where she attacked Spencer furiously with a kiss. She could taste herself on his tongue but didn't mind. Spencer moved her until her back was against the jacuzzi wall. His hand dropped below the surface, where he grabbed his dick and searched for her entrance. With one hard thrust, he was inside of her.

Carter cried out as he began to push into her. He held her tightly against his body, barely moving out of her. He twisted and grinded himself into her as she clutched him for dear life. The two of them were moaning loudly at the intense contact.

It didn't take long for Spencer to reach his climax. He almost fell over, still holding Carter, but was able to steady himself.

"Damn," he sighed as he caught his breath. "You know how to get me so riled up."

"Don't I know it," Carter grinned as her eyes grew heavy. "I'm exhausted. I think we should go to bed."

Spencer agreed and followed her out. She tossed him a towel that he used to dry off and then wrap around his waist. They both went upstairs, neither dressing, and climbed into bed. Carter snuggled into Spencer's arms and gave him a kiss.

"This has been the greatest night of my life. Thank you so much for making my dreams come true," she said as she gave him another kiss.

"Everything you said, I feel times a thousand," he said. "Sleep well my love."

They soon drifted off to sleep. Completely unaware of the obstacles their fairytale was going to throw.


	23. The Unwanted

_Finally, an update! Took me a bit to work out the details and order of the story and where I wanted it to go. Thanks for the continued support and comments! They always make me smile! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

"No, don't go," Carter begged as she held tightly to Spencer's hands.

She pressed her lips to his as he slowly inched his way to the front door.

"I know," he said as their lips separated. "I don't want to go back to work either, but duty calls."

"Retire. Stay home with me forever," she said as he put his hand on the door knob.

Spencer laughed as he wrapped his arm around her neck and kissed the top of her head.

"You know I would go crazy with all that time on my hands," he said.

"I can find things to keep you busy," she said suggestively.

"You would grow tired of that eventually," he chuckled as he turned the knob and opened the door.

"I could never grow tired of you," she said still holding his one hand.

"I will see you in a few hours," he said giving her another quick kiss.

"Ok, fine. I'll just sit around all day being sad and lonely," she sighed.

Spencer laughed.

"Laying it on thick, babe," he said. "You will find plenty to do I'm sure. I'll be home before you know it. I love you."

Spencer got out of her grasp and began walking down the stairs. Carter leaned on the door frame and frowned.

"I love you too," she pouted.

(xxxxx)

Spencer had barely stepped into the bullpen when he was plowed by J.J.

"Welcome back!" she squealed as she hugged him tightly.

He lifted her off the ground as he hugged her back. Alex and Derek walked over to greet him as well.

"How was the honeymoon?" Alex asked after she gave Spencer a hug.

"It was wonderful. We visited a lot of museums and historical sites. Europe is breathtaking," he said.

"Did you take pictures? I hope you took pictures?" J.J. said.

"Of course, we did. I'm sure Carter will have them all uploaded by the end of today. You'll have to stop by and see them," he said.

"Newly-wedded wonder, welcome back!"

Spencer looked to see Penelope waving at him from the upper level of the bullpen.

"Ah, another nickname," he said as the others laughed.

"Hate to ruin your first day back, but we have a case," she said holding up a folder.

"Oh, boy. Carter is not going to be happy about that. She already didn't want me to come to work," Spencer said.

Derek patted Spencer on the back as they headed toward the conference room to be debriefed.

(xxxxx)

Carter was sitting on the couch writing in her journal when her phone rang. She looked down, expecting it to be Spencer, but was surprised to see Max's name appear.

"Hey Max," she said with a smile. "How's it going?"

"I'm doing well, thank you. How was the honeymoon?" he asked.

"It was beautiful! I've seen most of it before but enjoying it with Spencer was an entirely different experience," she said happily.

"That's wonderful my dear," he said, followed by an awkward pause.

"Don't take this the wrong way Max, but I'm sure you didn't call to ask how my honeymoon was. So, what's up?" she said.

"I know that you said you want to take time off, but Carter you've just got an amazing offer and I insist you at least consider it," he said.

Carter groaned.

"Max, no. I'm taking a year off and there's no exception," she said closing her journal.

"I know, I know and you know me, I wouldn't insist if it wasn't an incredible opportunity. Carter, they want you to be the voice of the newest Disney princess," he said excitedly.

"What?" she said in shock.

"The casting director of an upcoming Disney film wants you to be the star! Carter, you would be the name and face of a Disney princess!" he gushed.

"Oh my gosh, Max, I'm speechless right now," she said as she placed her hand on her heart.

"Carter, I am all for you taking care of your family and taking time off, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. They won't offer this role to you again. I think you need to seriously consider accepting," he said.

"When would production begin?" she said.

"They want to begin recording in January. You'll not only do the voice overs, but you will also be doing the music as well, obviously," Max said.

"Ok, that seems doable. Still gives me time before the baby is born," she said.

"So, do I tell them yes?" he asked.

"Don't say anything just yet. Let me talk to Spencer, but at this point I'm fairly certain I will accept the offer," she said with a smile.

"I think you are making the right decision, dear," he said. "Just give me a call when you've decided, but try not to wait too long."

"I'll get back to you by tomorrow," she assured him.

"Ok, I look forward to hearing from you. Love you," he said.

"Love you too," she said before hanging up.

Carter sat in stunned silence for a moment, before letting out a massive scream.

(xxxxx)

Spencer gathered up his belongings as he walked out of the conference room. He put his cell phone to his ear and waited for Carter to pick up the phone.

"Uh oh, this can't be a good call," Carter answered.

"How do you know I'm not calling just to see how you're doing?" he said with a chuckle.

"Are you calling to see how I'm doing?" she asked.

Spencer laughed.

"That's what I thought. So, where are you heading?"

"Texas," he said.

"I knew you were going to get a case," she sighed.

"Sorry, love. The odds are great sadly," he replied.

"Well, just be safe, ok? We just got married. I don't need to be a widow after a week," she said with no hint of humor.

"I will babe. You be safe too," he said.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

(xxxxx)

Carter decided to wait to discuss the movie with Spencer when he returned from his case. She wanted him to focus on his job and not be distracted by the thought of Carter being gone for most of the end of her pregnancy.

She decided to sit down and write out a list of pros and cons to make her decision more educated and less passionate. Though most of her pros were based on her heart and not her mind. As she was writing, there was a knock at the door.

Penelope must be stopping by to drop off dinner. When the team went away on cases, she felt it was her duty to make sure that Carter and the baby had a healthy meal prepared for them. As if Carter wasn't capable of making meals for herself.

She walked over to the door and swung it open. Her heart stopped as she stared at the man in front of her. His hair had grown grayer and his skin more wrinkled, but everything else looked exactly the same.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

She tried to sound brave, but she was shaking like a leaf on the inside.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," the man said.

"Yea, well, I made sure to avoid you at all costs," Carter said with her arms crossed. "So, I'll ask again, what are you doing here?"

"Care Bear," he began.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped.

The man looked down at his feet before looking back up at her with guilt in his eyes.

"I was a horrible father. The things I did to you … they were deplorable and I have been trying to find you to tell you how sorry I am," he said.

"If you are expecting forgiveness, you knocked on the wrong door," Carter said.

"I understand that. I don't deserve your forgiveness by any means. I want you to know that I am a changed man. I have been sober now for 5 years and I have a good job. I even have a beautiful wife that I hope some day you will get to meet," he said timidly.

"Congratulations. I'll be sure to send a card," she said sarcastically.

"I heard that you just got married and are expecting. That's wonderful news," he said hopefully.

"I did. I am. It is. You will not meet either of them," she said angrily.

The man nodded.

"I hope that some day I can show you I am a changed man. That you will allow me to make it up to you," he said sadly.

"Make it up to me? Make it," she laughed. "Up to me? You raped me repeatedly for years! You allowed your drug dealers and crackhead friends rape me! You were supposed to protect me and instead you destroyed me! You will never be able to make it up to me! I don't want you anywhere near me or my family again! Stay the hell away from me!"

With that Carter slammed the door to the house shut and hurried to the bathroom where she bent over the toilet, losing all the contents of her stomach. She dropped to the cold tile floor and began to sob. All the memories she had suppressed over the years came racing back to the front of her mind.

She fumbled to retrieve her phone and started to dial Spencer's number but stopped. She didn't want to bother him with this. There was nothing he could do and it would only upset him. She stood up and rinsed her mouth before heading to her bedroom. She curled up on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

(xxxxx)

The case had ended and Spencer was on his way home. He was excited to see Carter after being gone for four days. She had texted him to tell him she had a surprise waiting for him when he got home. He couldn't wait to see what it was.

Knowing Carter, she was probably wearing something sexy. Maybe she was going to try that role play thing she had mentioned to him before. He could feel himself hardening at the thought of tasting her skin and feeling her warmth wrapped around his dick. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as his pants became tighter.

What felt like too long, he finally pulled into the driveway and got out of his car. The house looked so cozy waiting for his return. He sighed happily as he walked up the front steps and unlocked the front door. When he closed the door and turned to call out for Carter, something slammed into him and knocked him off his feet. He let out a yelp as he hit the foyer floor.

"Zeus, get down!" Carter hollered as she ran into the room and began pulling the giant dog off of Spencer.

"What the hell is that thing?" Spencer panted as he slowly stood up.

"This is Zeus," she said as she patted the dog's head.

"Yea, I got that part. But what is Zeus doing in our house?" he asked as he brushed the dirt off his pants.

"That's the surprise. I got a dog," she said with a smile.

Zeus was pressed up against Carter's legs and stomach as she rubbed the side of his belly. His tail wagging happily.

"You got a dog? Without discussing it with me first?" he said angrily.

"Um, I didn't realize I would need to discuss it with you," she said, taken back by his response.

"Carter, I hate dogs and dogs hate me! I don't want one in our house. Especially when it's the size of a pony!" he said.

"How can you hate dogs? They are man's best friend," she said.

"They have never been my best friend. Besides the fact we are about to have a baby in this house. We don't need some big monster running around this house putting our child at risk," he said as he stormed up the stairs to the bedroom.

"Hold on, you think I would bring an animal into this home that would jeopardize the well-being of our child?" she said as her anger began to increase.

"Well, there's a huge ass dog in our house and a baby on the way. What do you think?" he snipped as he tossed his bag on closet floor.

He began to take his tie off as Carter stood in the doorway watching him with her jaw dropped.

"You did not seriously just say that?"

"I think I did," he snapped as he tossed his tie into the hamper.

"If I thought for one second that dog was going to be a danger to our child I would never have brought him into our home. So, don't you dare accuse me otherwise," Carter growled.

"I want it out of here tomorrow," Spencer ordered as he toed his sneakers off.

Carter started laughing humorlessly.

"Oh really? And what if I don't? What are you going to do about it?" she said with her arms crossed in defiance.

"I'll take it myself or call and have animal control come get it," he said as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

"The dog goes and so do I," she said furiously.

Spencer dropped his shirt into the hamper before turning to face her. His eyes burned with anger.

"You may get away with that type of tantrum with your manager, but I'm not one of your yes men. My opinion about what lives in this house is just as important as yours. If you want to try and threaten to leave me over a dog, then we never should have married in the first place," he said in an eerily low voice.

Carter didn't know what to say. Tears filled her eyes before she stormed from the room. Spencer continued to undress when he heard the front door slam. He was so livid he didn't even feel the urge to go after her. Instead he started the shower and climbed inside to calm himself down.

(xxxxx)

"If you hear from her, let me know please," Spencer said before hanging up.

So far no one on the team had heard from Carter. It had been two hours since she stormed out of the house with the dog. She didn't take her cell phone with her, so he had no way to trace her. He was too hard on her. He should have never snapped at her the way he did. He should have sat down and had a conversation with her, instead of being so hot headed.

Suddenly the sound of the front door opening sent Spencer running toward it. Carter came walking through the door with Zeus on his leash. The dog's tail wagged as he saw Spencer racing toward them. Catching Carter off guard, he threw his arms around her and held her tightly.

"Spencer?" she said confused by the 180 in his behavior.

He leaned back and she was surprised to see tears in his eyes.

"I was so worried about you," he said as he held her head in his hands.

"I took Zeus to the park. I needed to clear my head," she said softly.

"I am so sorry for the way I reacted. I was out of line in the way I spoke to you," he said.

"I'm sorry too. I should have never made such a big decision without talking to you first," she said as she pressed against his body and laid her head on his shoulder.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her and thanked God that she was home safe. They stood quietly in the foyer holding each other for a few quiet moments, before Carter spoke up.

"My dad came to the house," she whispered as her eyes welled up.

"What?" Spencer said stepping back slightly so he could look at her.

"Tuesday night. I thought it was Penny and when I opened the door he was standing there. He found me," she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Why didn't you call me?" he said in shock.

"There wasn't anything you could do and I wanted you to focus on the case," she said.

"I could have come home. Been with you so you weren't a … lone," he trailed off as he looked at Zeus, who was laying on the floor sound asleep. "That's why you got Zeus."

Carter nodded as more tears dropped down her cheeks.

"Baby, I am so sorry," he said as he pulled her back into a hug.

She softly cried into his shoulder as he tried to soothe her. After a few minutes, he grabbed her hand and led her up the stairs. Once up there he grabbed a nightgown and handed it to her. While she dressed, he got the bed ready.

Carter climbed into the bed when she finished dressing and Spencer slid in to his spot next to her. He opened his arms wide and waited for her to scoot over and snuggle into his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I won't let anything happen to you. Zeus and I will protect you," he whispered which seemed to strike a nerve with her because she began to cry again.

He held her tightly until she eventually fell asleep from exhaustion. Spencer meant what he said. That man wouldn't come near her again if it was the last thing he would ever do.


	24. The Unwanted Returns

_Thanks for the feedback! Been trying to update for a few days, but this allergy season has been kicking my butt! So many headaches! Hope you enjoy! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

"I wanna see!" Penelope exclaimed as she hurried over to Spencer.

All morning, Carter had been texting Spencer photos of her and Zeus. He still was leery of being a dog owner, but he had to admit that it gave him some peace of mind when he wasn't around.

He opened up the latest photo of Zeus sitting in front of, where he assumed, Carter was sitting on the couch. He handed the phone to Penelope who awed before handing the phone to J.J.

"Wow, a Great Dane, huh? They are huge," she said giving the phone to Derek.

"Don't I know it. I was greeted at the door yesterday. Knocked me flat on my back," Spencer said, still aching from the fall.

"Well, that's not hard to do. A chihuahua could knock you down," Derek teased.

"Haha, very funny," Spencer said as he took his phone back.

"So, you aren't a dog person. What made you get a dog?" J.J. asked.

"No, I actually don't like dogs at all and I wasn't happy about the surprise," he said as they all listened intently. "But, Carter had a bit of a scare yesterday and I'm starting to think that having Zeus around is a good idea."

"What happened?" Derek asked with concern.

"It's a long personal story, but Carter's father has never been a positive part of her life and she ran away when she was 17 to get away from him. Some how he found out where we live and showed up while we were in Texas," he explained.

"Oh my gosh, is she ok?" J.J. said.

"Yea, he didn't hurt her. He claimed he wanted to apologize and show her he was a changed man, but it really scared her. So much so, that she went out and rescued Zeus."

"So, what can we do?" Derek said, surprising Spencer.

"I can search for him. Find out what he's up to and where he's living," Penelope said.

'You guys are great, but for right now, let's just hope he doesn't come back again," Spencer said, though he was incredibly touched by their offer.

(xxxxx)

A week later, Carter had just finished eating lunch and was cleaning up the dishes when she heard Zeus barking at the front door.

"You need to go out, buddy? You wanna go for a walk?" she said as she put the last item in the dishwasher.

Zeus kept barking.

"I'm coming," she said as she grabbed his leash and walked to the front door.

She clipped it on his collar and opened the front door. There was a box laying in her path. She looked around but didn't see anyone. She lifted up the box and brought it back into the house, Zeus following behind her curiously sniffing the box.

She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the tape off the box. She opened it up and peered inside. There was tissue paper in the way. She dug through and found a onesie and a teddy bear. Digging further she found a card and opened it up.

As soon as she read the inside, she shoved the box off the counter and pulled out her cell phone.

(xxxxx)

The team was just returning to the office after a quick lunch break. Spencer was about to sit down when his cell phone rang. He smiled when he saw it was Carter.

"Hey sweetheart, I was just about to text you. How's your day?" he asked.

Alex happened to look up at him when she saw the smile drop from his face. He was listening intently to Carter. She could tell something was wrong.

"Ok, I'm on my way. Take Zeus into the bedroom with you and keep the door locked until I get home," he said.

This caught the attention of J.J. and Derek as well. He hung up and they all looked at him expectantly.

"Son of a bitch came back," he said grabbing his bag.

"What?" Derek said as he got out of his chair.

"He came back to the house. I need to go," Spencer said as he hurried from the bullpen.

(xxxxx)

Spencer ran through the front door and up the stairs to the bedroom.

"Carter, it's me. Open up," he said as he knocked on the door.

After a moment, the door opened and Zeus greeted Spencer with a nudge to the stomach. Spencer patted his head as a thank you.

"Are you ok?" he asked as he placed a hand on her cheek.

"I don't know. Spencer, I don't know what to do. He's going to keep coming back. He's not going to stop," she said as she worried her hands.

"No, he is going to stop. Do you hear me? I am going to make sure he doesn't come within a 100-miles of you," he assured her.

Carter placed her hand on her growing belly. Her hands shaking.

"You need to lie down. This stress isn't good for the baby," he said as he grabbed her hand and led her to the bed.

"I'm going to take some time off work and stay with you until I am sure that he gets the message," Spencer said as he covered her with the blanket.

Carter's hand shot out and grabbed at his wrist tightly.

"Don't leave me! Please, stay with me," she pleaded like a lost child.

"I won't leave you. I promise," he said as he laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "It's going to be ok."

This man didn't know who he was messing with. It was time that he unleashed Penelope on him.

(xxxxx)

 _Carter was sitting in the living room holding a little girl with Spencer's hair color in two pigtails. She was bouncing happily on her lap, when her Carter's dad appeared._

" _Come to Grandpa," he said holding out his arms._

 _Carter tried to hold the little girl tighter, but she was suddenly in his arms. Her father handed the baby over to a suited man, who handed him a bag of white powder._

" _She will sell for thousands," the suited man said._

 _The little girl screamed for her mom, but Carter couldn't move. She was stuck to the chair screaming for them to let her go. She screamed for Spencer, but he didn't come. Where was he? He was probably on a case! He was away and their daughter was being taken!_

 _Her father leaned over to kiss her and she tried to desperately move away from him. She screamed as she felt his hands on her hips._

" _It's ok. I've changed. I promise."_

(xxxxx)

Spencer ran up the stairs as he heard screaming from the bedroom.

"Get off of me! Help, someone help!"

He burst into the room to see Carter thrashing in the bed. He grabbed her shoulders and tried to hold her down as she screamed.

"Carter, wake up! Wake up, it's just a dream!" he said as he tried to calm her.

Suddenly her eyes popped open and she looked around the room frantically. Sweat was pouring off her skin as she tried to catch her breath.

"It's ok. Everything's ok," Spencer said soothingly. "I'm right here. It was just a dream."

Carter locked eyes with him and threw her arms around his neck as she began to sob.

"Shhhh, it's ok. I'm right here. You're safe," he assured her as he held her tightly and rocked her gently.

Zeus had come to see what the commotion was. He was sitting down next to the bed, watching them curiously.

"Do you wanna tell me about it?" he asked softly.

Carter shook her head no. She didn't want to tell him that she was scared to death. That she was afraid her father was going to do to their child, what he did to her. That she was afraid Spencer wouldn't be there to protect them.

"Why don't I go make you a cup of tea?" he offered as he stroked the hair from her face.

She nodded.

"Just relax and I'll be right back," he said as he got up and walked back downstairs.

Carter turned to Zeus, who wagged his tail in acknowledgment. She patted the mattress and he jumped up to curl against her. She wrapped her arms around the dog and sobbed some more into his fur. It was bad enough her father was back, but now he was pushing so much fear into her that she was reverting back to her old ways. She could feel the anger and the walls growing around her by the minute and poor Spencer would be in the path of the storm.

(xxxxx)

"So, it looks like her father is probably up to no good. If he has changed, his record doesn't show it. He was just released from jail about a month ago. He was arrested for drug possession. There is no sign of him living anywhere, no record of a job," Penelope relayed to Spencer, Derek, and Alex.

"Well, that's obviously not good. He clearly is trying to get a handout from Carter," Derek said.

"Garcia, there's no way to pinpoint his location?" Spencer asked, though he knew the dreaded answer.

"Unfortunately, no," she replied sadly.

"So, we stake out your home until he comes back," Derek said.

"That is incredibly generous and kind of you, but unrealistic. It could be months before he returns to the house and we don't even know if he delivered the package or had someone deliver it for him," Spencer said. "I can't ask you guys to spend your free time sitting in front of my home."

"You didn't ask. I offered," Derek said.

"He's right though," Alex said remorsefully. "Besides being called away for cases, we don't exactly have a lot of free time to offer. It doesn't seem a valuable use of our time and efforts to just sit and wait."

"So, what do we do? How do we help and prevent something from happening?" Derek said with frustration.

"We do what we do best. Profile. We figure out his next move, we contact anyone who might know him, we build our profile," Alex said.

Derek nodded, but it was obvious he felt like they should do more. Spencer patted him on the shoulder.

"I know," he said softly. "I want to do more too."

"We'll get him," Derek promised.

"I know," Spencer said, though he honestly didn't know and that terrified him.


	25. The Missed Appointment

_Short chapter – but wanted to update! I'm going to try and work on another chapter tonight! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Halloween had passed, fall was officially here, and it seemed the serial killers were coming out in droves. Spencer and the team were taking case after case. Much to his relief, there had been no sign of Carter's father since the package delivery a month before.

Once Carter seemed to lower her defenses, she approached Spencer about the job she had accepted as the Disney princess. He was very excited for her, though a bit uneasy about her being away that close to the end of her pregnancy. He obviously wasn't going to stand in the way of a huge opportunity, but it seemed to add another notch in their growing anxiety.

Between the stress of her father and being pregnant, Carter was easily agitated and took out a lot of her anger on Spencer. He didn't help much on his end. With exhaustion from his job and concern for his wife and child, he was just as snippy with her. The wedge was beginning to grow deeper between them. The tension so thick in the air you could cut it with a knife.

It was a cold, rainy night the first Wednesday in November. Carter was scheduled for an appointment the following day to find out the sex of the baby. She was in the kitchen cooking soup and sandwiches for dinner, while Spencer worked on paperwork he hadn't completed at work.

"Zeus, drop it! Drop it! Give me the damn remote!"

Carter walked out of the kitchen to see Spencer on one side of the couch and Zeus on the other, with the TV remote control in his mouth.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"He has the remote control and won't drop it," Spencer said angrily.

"He thinks you are playing with him," Carter replied. "Zeus drop."

Zeus put the remote down on the floor and wagged his tail.

"Sit," she said and he obliged. "Stay."

Carter walked over and picked up the remote and handed it to Spencer.

"Great. He ate a few of the buttons. I'll have to buy a new one," he said as he walked over to the trash can and tossed it inside.

"It's not like you watch TV that much anyway," she said as she opened the back door to let Zeus out.

"That's not the point! He's eating everything in the house! We buy him toys, he eats our things!" Spencer snapped.

"He's teething, what do you expect? You gonna have a fit like this when our child chews on something?" she growled back.

"That is completely different and you know it!" he said angrily.

"It's not different at all," she said as she stalked back into the kitchen. "Dinners ready."

"I'm not hungry," he pouted.

"Fine than!" she cried as she tossed his bowl of soup into the sink.

"What is your problem?" he said folding his arms across his chest.

"You are my problem! All you ever do is bitch about the dog! You aren't even here half the time! Why the fuck do you care what the dog does?" she said with her hands on her hips.

"Because he keeps eating all my things! If you would maybe train him, perhaps he wouldn't eat everything!"

"He's a dog! He's going to eat things! It's a phase he will grow out of!" Carter yelled.

"I never wanted a stupid dog! I don't want to wait for him to grow out of eating my stuff! Take care of the damn thing and it wouldn't eat everything!" he yelled back.

"I do take care of him! By myself! Because I'm always alone! Because you are always gone! Just like it's going to be when I have this baby!"

"You knew this when you met me! Quit trying to guilt me for doing my job!"

"Well, I hate you and your stupid job!" she cried before storming out of the room.

Spencer grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Let go of me!" she shouted as she tried to break free of his grasp.

"No! You are not walking away after saying that to me!" he said angrily.

"Let go! Let go of me!" she growled as she tried to pry his fingers off of her.

Finally, he let go and she ran from the room. He watched her go with a frustrated and broken heart. He knew she was just upset, but the words still hurt him deeply. He walked to the back door and opened it to let in Zeus, who had been scratching at the window.

He hurried past Spencer and raced off to find Carter. Spencer followed him slowly. When he reached the top of the stairs, he could hear Zeus whimpering outside of their bedroom door. Carter had obviously shut the door, keeping the dog and Spencer from entering the room.

He lifted his hand to knock when his cell phone rang. He looked down and sighed. Of course, they had a case.

(xxxxx)

Spencer climbed onto the jet with a frown. He saw everyone giving him curious looks, but nobody said anything at the moment. Which was probably for the best as Carter had given him the iciest cold shoulder he'd ever seen. She didn't even let him in the room to say goodbye. She tossed his go-bag out and slammed the door shut, locking it.

He was trying not to be terrified that she would want to divorce him. He knew in his heart that she was just stressed and so was he, but it didn't help his irrational side create scenarios of her leaving and never seeing his child.

"Earth to Reid."

Spencer looked up to see Derek staring at him.

"Hmm?"

"You ok?" Derek asked.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," he apologized.

"Come on Reid. I can see the gears turning, what's going on?"

"I really don't want to talk about it right now. I'm tired and I just want to get some rest before we get to Texas," he said.

Derek put his hands up in surrender. Spencer sighed and tucked himself closer to the window before shutting his eyes. He couldn't stop hearing Carter's voice saying "I hate you," over and over again. Times when an eidetic memory sucked.

(xxxxx)

The weather was atrocious the following day in Texas. It was raining heavily and there were tornado watches for most of the surrounding counties. Spencer and Alex were at the victim's home, analyzing the crime scene when his phone rang. He looked but didn't recognize the number.

"This is Dr. Reid," he said.

"Dr. Reid, this is Samantha at Dr. Cullen's office. Your wife was scheduled for an appointment with our sonographer this morning at 10:30, but she hasn't arrived. We wanted to make sure everything was ok," the woman on the other end stated.

"She might've slept in or forgot, let me give her a call and get back to you," he said.

He hung up and noticed Alex watching him.

"Carter didn't go to her doctor's appointment this morning," he said, trying to stay calm.

She looked concerned as he lifted his phone back to his ear and waited as the phone continued to ring, unanswered.

"Hey, it's me. Give me a call when you get this. Just want to make sure you are ok. Love you."

He hung up and looked anxiously at Alex.

"Go, I can handle it from here," she assured him.

He seemed hesitant to go, but something inside him was screaming something was wrong.

"Spencer, go. Everything here will be ok," Alex said again.

He nodded and walked outside to get an officer to take him back to the station.

(xxxxx)

Spencer's heart raced when he pulled into the driveway. The lights were off. Maybe she was sleeping. She was probably still mad at him. To be on the safe side, he took his gun out of the holster and turned the handle to the front door. To his dismay, it wasn't locked.

His first sign of concern was that Zeus didn't greet him at the door. He walked into the kitchen and looked around to see that it was empty. He opened the supplies cabinet and took out a flashlight. He slowly walked towards the stairs and his heart dropped when he saw blood stains.

He moved with more speed. His heart racing. He reached the top of the stairs and headed for the master bedroom. He could hear Zeus whining softly. He shined his light into the room and saw the blood-soaked dog watching him. His ears were back and he was whimpering.

Spencer turned the light on in the bedroom and nearly threw up at the sight of the room. Things were ransacked, clothes and items all over the room. He saw a man face down in a pool of blood. But the worst sight was his wife laying lifelessly on the bed. Her arms were tied to the bedpost. She was naked and covered in blood and bruises. He shook as he reached over to touch her throat.

He dropped to his knees as he took his phone from his pocket.


	26. The Wedge

_Wanted to update sooner, but hope you enjoy! Thanks for the comments! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Spencer sat with his face in his hands. Flashes of the nights event kept shooting through his brain. It didn't seem real. This had to be a dream.

 _Spencer laid a sheet over Carter's body as tears slid down his burning hot cheeks._

 _Penelope came into the room crying as she helped Spencer carry Zeus to her car. He was being rushed to the vet ER._

 _Spencer sobbed behind his hands as he watched his wife being lifted from the bed onto a stretcher. The sheet already soaking up the blood on her body._

 _Paparazzi lined the front of the home. Flashing lights blinding him as he climbed into the ambulance._

He looked up when he saw Penelope. She went straight to him and threw her arms around his neck. Spencer held her tightly as she cried. He couldn't cry anymore. He had slipped into the state of shock and denial. He had no more tears to cry at the moment.

(xxxxx)

The door opened and an exhausted Spencer and Penelope looked up to see J.J. walking toward them.

"We got one of the guys," she said with a smile.

"That's great. How did you find him so quickly?" Penelope said as she sat up more alert.

"We checked all the surrounding hospitals and one of the men checked in for severe bite wounds. He claimed he got attacked by a wild dog on the street. Morgan and Rossi are bringing him in for questioning as we speak," she said.

"Oh, Zeus, what a good boy," Penelope shuttered.

"How is he? Any word?" J.J. asked.

"Not yet. The vet is optimistic though," Penelope replied.

J.J. turned to look at Carter. She didn't ask but looked questioningly at Spencer then Penelope.

"I think I could use some coffee. How about you boy wonder?"

Spencer shook his head no. Penelope gave him a gentle pat on the back before getting up and leaving the room with J.J. Once the door was shut to the room, they walked off together.

"The baby is fine."

J.J. stopped in her tracks and put her shaking hands to her face. Tears welled up in her eyes as Penelope followed suit and nodded her happiness.

"Oh, thank God," J.J. whispered as a tear slipped from her eye.

"The doctor believes that Carter didn't fight back against her attackers, which caused little damage to her … lower half," Penelope said awkwardly.

"That poor girl," J.J. sighed.

"She took a good beating in the face and she does have cuts and bruises on her arms and legs, but no injuries to her stomach."

"How is Spence handling it?" J.J. said with concern.

"Not well. He hasn't said it, but I know he blames himself. If he would have been home this wouldn't happen. He could've protected her. You know how hard he is on himself," Penelope said sadly.

J.J. nodded her understanding. They walked silently into the cafeteria. They both filled up a cup of coffee and paid for it without talking further. As they started back to the room, Penelope asked the question she had been wondering all night.

"The man in the room," she started as J.J. looked at her. "Was it her father?"

"Yea," J.J. replied softly.

"At least he can't hurt her anymore."

(xxxxx)

Spencer had fallen asleep on the couch when he heard his name being called.

"Spencer! Spencer!"

He jumped up, disoriented, from the couch and hurried over to the hospital bed where Carter was calling for him. He grabbed her hand and tried to calm her down.

"I'm right here, everything is ok," he said. "I'm right here."

"I can't see! Spencer, I can't open my eyes!" she said clutching his hand tightly.

"I know, it's ok. It's temporary. You were injured and your eyes are swollen shut, but the swelling will go down and you will be ok," he assured her.

"I don't hate you! I'm so sorry, Spencer! I don't hate you, I love you! Don't leave me, please!" she begged as she tried to reach for him.

Spencer wrapped her in a hug and kissed the side of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere ever again, I promise," he said as he held her in his arms.

He rocked her gently as she cried and continued to periodically sob that she loved him.

"I know baby. I love you too," he said as the tears returned.

(xxxxx)

The rest of November was long and painful. Carter had to be tested for any unfortunate diseases she may have encountered and wait agonizingly for the results. Her physical injuries healed quickly. For the next month, she was to go see the OB/GYN weekly to make sure there were no hidden complications.

Zeus survived the ordeal with only a casted back leg and a bald patch on his back to show for it. Spencer was grateful to the dog. Rossi informed him that Zeus had attacked one of the men when they entered the bedroom, leaving him with some serious injuries.

He tried to attack the other man, but he had a bat that he used to beat Zeus with. This same bat was used to kill Carter's father.

During their interview with the first suspect, they found out that they were there to get money that Carter's father owed. He had told them that his famous daughter would be glad to pay them what he owed. They took around $5,000 in cash and $10,000 in jewelry and electronics.

For the time being, Spencer, Carter, and Zeus moved in to one of Rossi's guest rooms. Carter didn't speak much, spooked easily, and started having nightmares regularly. Spencer took her weekly for therapy, but according to the therapist, she didn't speak much.

One night, three days after Thanksgiving, Spencer woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. He sat up startled but calmed when he saw Carter sitting on the window bench, staring outside. He got up and walked over to sit with her. He wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin gently on her shoulder. They sat in silence for some time.

"I pretended it was you," she suddenly said in a hushed tone.

"What?" he asked lifting his head from her shoulder.

"When they did … what they did … I pretended it was you," she said again.

Spencer wasn't sure if she thought he was going to be mad at her or why she decided to tell him this.

"It protected you and the baby from harm," he said still holding her in his arms.

She didn't say anything. She went silent again.

"You did what you had to do to survive. You are so strong and so brave," he said as he felt her starting to weep. "And I am sorry you faced that alone. I should have been there. I shouldn't have left you."

Spencer's lip trembled as he squeezed her tighter.

"They waited for you to leave. They would have come after me whether you were at work or at the grocery store," she said.

"I was thinking of talking to Hotch and seeing if I can stay back with Garcia during cases. Help from home," he said.

"Spencer, I'm going to go to New York," Carter interrupted.

"What? Why?" he asked confused.

"I need something to focus on right now. I'm going to go back to the studio and start writing and recording," she said sounding detached.

"But you are already going away to LA in January," he said getting upset.

"I know, but I need this. I need a distraction," she stated.

"I'm going to stay home. I'm not going to leave anymore," he said as he stood up from the seat anxiously.

"You can't give up your job because of this. You need to continue to do what you do and I need to do what I do," she said not moving from her spot. Not even looking in his direction. Still staring out the window and sounding almost robotic.

"And I get no say in this?" he said angrily.

Now, she slowly turned and looked at him. It hurt to see the distance in her eyes. They weren't the same happy, loving eyes he was used to. They seemed lost and clouded. She shook her head.

"I'm leaving on Monday. I'll be back on weekends and for any doctor's appointments," she said turning back to the window.

Spencer's hands were clenched by his side as he stared at her back. He was so angry he didn't know if he wanted to cry or break something. How could she just leave like that? Without another word, he stormed from the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind himself. There was no way he'd be able to sleep right now. He was going for a run.

(xxxxx)

December came and went. Carter only came home for the occasional doctor's appointment, spending even most of the weekends in New York working on her new album. Spencer buried himself in his work to deal with the heartache and frustration of not having Carter around.

January was already nearing the end and she had been working on her newest project in LA with Disney. She called every night, but the wedge between them was there. The conversations were straight forward and usually lasted no longer than 15-20 minutes.

Everyone at work was worried about them. Spencer was less animated and only communicated with the group when he needed to. He spent most nights working late and was always the first in the office. It was a cold snowy morning, when J.J. caught him off guard at his desk.

"Hey," she said making him jump a bit.

"Hi, you're earlier than usual," he said still looking at his paperwork.

"I left early because of the snow," she said as she slipped off her jacket. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," he replied.

J.J. sighed and sat down on the edge of his desk.

"Spence," she said.

He knew her tone and sat back in his chair to look at her.

"J.J., I'm fine," he insisted.

"How is Carter?" she asked.

Nobody brought her up anymore. It was the first time in over a month anyone asked about her. It had become the elephant in the room, but J.J. was starting to get an uneasy feeling and needed to talk about it.

"I imagine she is fine," he said.

The irritation and anger he felt towards her poured from his lips blatantly.

"Is she talking to anyone?" she asked softly.

"I assume you mean a therapist," he said to which J.J. nodded. "No, she is not. She said she is handling everything just fine and her therapy is music."

His mocking tone was obvious.

"Have you spoken to anyone?" she said, though she knew the answer.

Spencer stared at her. The disgust he had for this conversation was easily seen in his expression.

"You know you are hurting just as much as she is and burying yourself in your work isn't going to make that pain go away," she said.

"I told you I'm fine," he snipped.

"Just like Carter is fine, huh?" she said with a little bite.

"This is between her and me, not you. I don't need your input on what I should be doing," he said angrily.

J.J. sighed. She didn't want to fight with him. That would not accomplish anything.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. I know we haven't been as close this past year, but you are still my best friend and when you hurt, I hurt," she said gently.

This seemed to thaw some of the ice on his shoulder. He looked down guiltily before looking back up at her with a softer look in his eyes.

"I appreciate that, but right now the best thing for me to do is focus on work," he said.

J.J. nodded.

"How's the baby?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

"Healthy and growing," he said with a hint of a smile.

"Did you ever find out the sex?"

"No. She only goes for her checkups and hasn't brought up doing an ultrasound since that day. It's like she lost interest," he said with the first clear sign of pain.

"She went through something horrific. I can't imagine what that has done to her," J.J. said.

"I know. I'm just …" he trailed off.

"Just what?" she encouraged.

"I'm just afraid that she doesn't want us anymore," he said in a hushed and broken voice.

"You and the baby?" J.J. asked surprised by this confession.

He looked up with tears clouding his eyes and nodded.

"Spence, no. She loves you and that baby. She just needs time to deal with the emotions of it all. Everything will get better. Especially the moment you hold that sweet little bundle in your arms," she said with a comforting smile.

Spencer gave her a small hopeful smile. He hoped, but his gut was screaming otherwise.


	27. The Arrival

_Hey guys! Thanks for the comments – I had hoped to catch you off guard a bit with the last chapter. Sorry to do that! I find it fun to write and keep everyone on their toes. To not know where this will end up. All I can say is please stick with me – I don't do sad endings, so things always end well. Hope you enjoy this next chapter! The next few are going to be doozies! xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

After filming had finished, Carter was ordered by Max to go home. She only had a month left until the baby was due and he wanted her to get as much rest as possible. Carter relented eventually, but it was obvious that she was not interested in being home.

She spent a lot of time out of the house and when she was home, she barely slept. Most of the time he would find her passed out on the couch with the television running. The distance between them was slowly wearing on Spencer. His anxiety that she was going to leave him was growing stronger each day.

During the second week in March, on a rainy Wednesday night, Spencer had just fallen asleep after two sleepless nights on a case, when he felt a hand shaking him. Startled he sat up and reached for his glasses on the night stand.

"Spence."

His eyes adjusted to the dark room and he saw Carter standing over him.

"You ok?" he asked.

"No, I think my water broke," she said.

Spencer climbed out of bed and tried to catch his bearings.

"What?"

"I woke up and the couch was soaking wet. I … think it's the baby," she said nervously.

"Ok, ok. Um, ok. Let me get dressed and we'll head over," he said as he hurried to the closet.

Within ten minutes they were both dressed and in the car heading to the hospital. Every once and a while, Carter would grip the arm rest tightly and hold her breath.

"Contractions?" Spencer asked as he passed through a green light.

"Yea. They aren't that frequent yet, but they hurt," she said.

"We are about 10 minutes away," he said.

He hesitated, but slowly held his hand out to her and to his surprise, she grabbed a hold of it and held tightly. A small smile played at his lips. He had missed this type of contact.

(xxxxx)

The entire night Carter tossed and turned in the bed. Her contractions rapidly increasing and by hint of dawn the time had come to begin pushing. Spencer held her hand and leg through the entire process. He whispered words of encouragement, fed her ice chips, and gently dabbed the sweat from her forehead.

An hour and a half later, the first sound of the baby entering the world filled the room. Carter and Spencer both burst into tears as they watched the doctors carefully handling their child.

"Congratulations, it's a girl," the doctor said as she placed the baby on Carter's chest.

Spencer leaned against her head and cried as he looked at their daughter adjusting to the bright lights and cold air. A few minutes of adoration were given until the nurses scooped the baby up and began weighing and cleaning her.

While Carter finished the birthing process, Spencer watched as the doctors recorded her weight, her height, checked to make sure her airways were clear, gave her a quick rinse bath, and bundled her up in a blankie with hand prints on it. They even put a little hat on her head that had a makeshift bow.

"Here you go dad," the nurse said with a smile as she handed the baby to him.

He gently cradled the little girl in his arms. She was already asleep again and making little sighs of contentment in his arms.

"Hello, beautiful," he whispered as he stared at the pink angel.

He walked back over to Carter, who had been stitched up and was sitting tiredly watching them.

"You did an amazing job. She is so beautiful," Spencer said as he walked toward her.

He placed the baby in her arms and Carter gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"She has your nose," she said softly. "And hair."

Spencer chuckled as Carter peeled the hat off and wild blonde fuzz poked out of her head. He helped put the hat back on.

"Any thoughts on what you want to name her?" he asked.

"She looks like she will be important to the world someday. She needs a strong name," Carter replied.

"She looks like an Eleanor," he said watching her carefully.

"Eleanor Grace Reid," she said with a smile.

"I like it," he agreed.

"Welcome to the world Eleanor Grace," Carter said as she gave her daughter a gentle kiss on the cheek.

(xxxxx)

Later that evening, Spencer heard a tap on the room door. He got up and opened it with a finger to his lips.

"Carter is sleeping," he said in a hushed voice.

Standing in a line, aching to see the newest family member was Penelope, Derek, J.J., Alex, Rossi, and Hotch.

"We won't stay long as we have a case," Hotch said gently.

"Come on in," Spencer said as he walked toward the baby.

The team followed close behind and all awed when they gathered around the sleeping baby. The girls all had their hands to their mouths, suppressing the delightful cries that were aching to be released.

"What's her name?" Penelope asked.

"Eleanor Grace," Spencer said with a proud smile.

Another round of awes. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see a smiling Hotch.

"She's beautiful," he said as they watched the others coo above her.

"Thank you. I finally understand what you and J.J. feel," Spencer said getting a bit choked up.

"Incredible, isn't it?" Hotch said.

"Indescribable," Spencer agreed as he wiped a stray tear.

"Congratulations Reid. Take as long as you need. We will be in touch," Hotch said as he gave Spencer an approving handshake.

Spencer nodded and hugged his teammates one by one. The girls lingering a bit longer and adding kisses to his cheek. He waved goodbye and watched them leave. He looked down at his sleeping daughter and wondered how in the world he was ever going to go back to work now that she was in his life.

(xxxxx)

The next month was not an easy one. Carter struggled with breastfeeding, which ultimately ended with her surrendering to formula in a fit of hysterics. They didn't sleep much as it seemed Eleanor had developed colic and spent much of the day and night crying.

Spencer had done research and tried many tactics to ease Eleanor's discomfort. He tried driving with her, but that didn't work. He tried a baby swing, colic drops, walking with her, bouncing her. Nothing seemed to help.

Carter was so overwhelmed at times that Spencer would hear the baby crying and walk in the bedroom to find Eleanor screaming in the crib, while Carter sat on the floor sobbing into her hands. Eventually he found that she relaxed when he held her in a carrier strapped to his chest. It wasn't the best as they spent many nights wandering the house, with Eleanor curled up against them. But the second either sat down to rest, the wails would begin again.

It wasn't all bad, of course. Spencer could sit for hours staring at his daughter. He watched her little lips make circles, her little eyebrows go up and down, her blue eyes making brief appearances before tucking safely behind her eyelids. Sometimes she would grip his fingers with her tiny hands and don't get him started on those sweet little sounds she made.

He loved giving her baths and telling her stories as he gave her a nighttime bottle. He would sit in her bedroom in the cushioned rocking chair and tell her tales of princesses that became warriors and saved the kingdom without a prince. He would teach her about the wonders of the world and share new information about the latest discoveries in outer space.

He enjoyed the time he was getting to spend with her. Which didn't seem to be the same for Carter. She spent a lot of time in her room. When she wasn't sleeping, she was writing. She didn't spend as much time with Eleanor as he did.

Spencer had only been back to work a week, when he came home one night to a stranger sitting in his daughter's room, rocking and feeding her.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" he asked with confusion.

"Oh, hi. You must be Dr. Reid. I'm Claire, the nanny," she said with a smile. "I'd shake your hand, but they are a little full."

"If you will excuse me a moment," he said before walking off to find Carter.

He found her in the bedroom, with papers sprawled out in front of her and her guitar on her lap. She gave him a smile when he walked in the room.

"Hey, what do you think about ordering Chinese for dinner? I don't feel like cooking," she said.

"Who the hell is the girl feeding our child?" he asked angrily.

"Oh, that's Claire. I hired her to be our nanny," she said nonchalantly.

"I'm sorry, a nanny? You hired a nanny? Why exactly do we need a nanny?" he fumed.

"Because you're at work and I will be at work," she said with a laugh.

"Carter, we never discussed this. I am not comfortable with someone else taking care of our child, especially someone I don't know," he said with frustration.

"Well, what did you think was going to happen? She can't go to work with me and clearly, can't go with you," she replied.

"I figured we would talk about this in a few months," he said.

"A few months? Spencer, I have an album to finish. I don't have time to sit around for another few months," she said as she began to get upset.

"You can work from home," he started.

"No, I can't. I can't get anything done when she's screaming and crying all day," Carter stated.

"Which is exactly why you need to be here! She is going through a difficult start to her life and needs her mother to help her through it," he said.

"Why can't it be her father to help her through it? Why does it have to just be me?"

"It's not just you! I already asked to stay behind on cases for a while, so I can be home at night to help," he explained.

"So, what are you asking me? Are you asking me to give up my career?" she said with her hand on her hip.

"No, I'm not asking you to give up your career. I'm asking you to put it on hold for the well-being of our daughter," he said angrily.

"I already gave up a year. If I stay away any longer the calls are going to stop coming in. The interest is going to disappear," she said.

Spencer ran a hand through his messy curls as he tried to keep his calm.

"I understand where you are coming from, but she needs us," he said.

"Spencer, I have an album that needs to be finished. I have fans that are waiting –"

"Fuck your fans! I don't give a shit about what they are waiting for! This is your daughter! You chose to have this baby and you don't get to just dump her now that she's here! She needs a mother!" he yelled uncharacteristically.

Carter stood up from the bed and glared at him. The distant look in her eye was one he had gotten regrettably used to.

"I am being her mother and I have made this decision. Do with it what you want, but I won't feel guilty for trying to balance being a parent and having a career."

With that she stormed from the room, leaving a very livid Spencer.

(xxxxx)

"You're kidding me?" Penelope gasped.

"Wish I was," Derek said sadly.

"So, she left?"

"Went to New York for the next few days," he said.

"Oh my God," she sighed. "What's he going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't think he can even think clearly right now to make a decision," Derek said.

"I can't believe she did this. She … how could she … what is she thinking?" Penelope said in shock.

"I'm not overly surprised. She hasn't dealt with what happened to her properly and J.J. is concerned that she has Postpartum Depression," he explained.

"Well, daddy wonder needs to know he won't be going through this alone. We will help him in any way we can," she said adamantly.

"Rossi and J.J. are already working on a schedule to help him. Blake has offered to stay with him whenever her husband is out of town for work."

"And I'll stay with him whenever she can't."

"Reid, will be just fine. Until Carter can get her life under control, we will be there for them. Everything will be ok."


	28. The Cry for Help

_Can I just say how much I love your support! You guys have said some of the most amazing things about my writing and it makes me feel so happy. I am glad you all enjoy my stories, because without you there would be no point in writing. So, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I hope you like this next chapter._

 _The song included is Blessed by Elton John. xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Spencer had Eleanor cradled in his arms, bottle under his chin, as he flipped through the pages of notes in front of him.

"I was looking over the crime scene photos and something caught my attention. Victim number one, Kelly Lazarey, is wearing a necklace with a Jade gemstone. Victim number two, Amy Strubecker, was found with broken remnants of coral. Finally, the third victim, Donna Miles, was wearing emerald earrings," Spencer explained. "Hang on."

Eleanor started to fuss as he placed the bottle on the table and lifted her to his shoulder. He patted her back and bounced up and down to soothe her.

"So, the unsub was leaving his victims with gifts? But what does the coral have to do with it?" J.J. asked over the phone.

"That's the thing. These could all be considered gifts in celebration of a 35th wedding anniversary. In traditional times Coral was the gift to give, but now with Coral being endangered, Jade or Emerald are often given instead," Spencer said.

A loud burp sounded.

"That's my goddaughter," Derek said proudly over the phone.

Spencer chuckled.

"Ok, so we are looking for someone who's wife of 35 years maybe cheated or passed away," Hotch said.

"With the level of anger, I'd be more inclined to think you are searching for someone who was wronged by their wife. She either cheated on him or left him," Spencer said.

"Thanks for the help Reid. We'll be in touch," Hotch said before hanging up.

Spencer sighed as he sat down with Eleanor who was looking up at him.

"So, what did you think of your first case?" he asked her.

Her little arms flailed out in front of her and she made a cooing sound.

"Yep, I thought you would enjoy it. Just don't try to take Daddy's job, ok? You're cuter than me and would get it in a heartbeat," he said with a smile.

(xxxxx)

Time continued to pass by. Carter stopped at home less and less. When she was home, she was very distant and didn't seem to know how to handle Eleanor. Especially when she cried. She would get a panicked look in her eye and look to Spencer for help.

Before he knew it, August had arrived and Eleanor was 6 months old. She was very playful and smart. Her colic seemed to improve and she was rarely fussy. Spencer had gotten used to working from home most days. On days when he needed to get things done at the office, he would pack up Eleanor's play things and bring her to Aunt Penelope to watch.

The team had been a huge help. Alex had become a second mom to him. Frequently stopping by for dinner and helping when Spencer had parenting questions. J.J. brought Henry over to visit every weekend and was also a huge help regarding parenting questions.

Derek and Penelope would come by for visits and babysitting, so Spencer could take time out for himself. Whether it be to nap, do some reading, go out for some coffee, or just to sit and do nothing for a while.

Hotch and Rossi worked with him to make it possible for him to work from home. Much to his dismay, he gave in to electronics. He was now an owner of a laptop and a printer/fax machine. But it was worth it.

It was late one night when Spencer passed by Eleanor's room and heard the soft voice of Carter singing. He peaked in and saw her holding their daughter, slowly dancing with her. Eleanor was watching her mom intently as she sang her a lullaby.

" _And you, you'll be blessed. You'll have the best. I promise you that. I'll pick a star form the sky. Pull your name from a hat. I promise you that, I promise you that, I promise you that, you'll be blessed,"_ she sang.

Spencer leaned on the door frame with a smile and watched as Eleanor's eyes grew heavier and she started to fall asleep. After a few minutes, Carter gently kissed the top of her head and laid her down. She watched her sleep for a few moments before turning around.

Her eyes connected with Spencer's. Neither of them moved from their spot. Both wanting to hold on to this moment. This is what they both imagined their marriage would be like. Not the mess it had been. Without a word, Spencer turned and walked off toward the bedroom.

Carter found him standing next to the bed unbuttoning his shirt. She wrapped her sweater around herself out of nerves.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he replied, not turning to face her.

She wasn't sure what to say. It had never been difficult to talk to Spencer, but she had ruined that. She had built a wall that blocked him from view.

"She likes your voice," Spencer said catching her off guard.

"Huh?"

"Ellie. She likes when you sing to her," he said as he tossed his shirt into the hamper.

"Oh," she said awkwardly.

Spencer stepped into the closet and finished undressing. It pained her that he seemed to be hiding from her. She missed his body. The feeling of his warmth in her arms. The feel of his gentle kisses and his tender hands.

"I know I've fucked up. I know I've let you down and I haven't been a good mother to Eleanor," she suddenly blurted as tears filled her eyes.

He emerged from the closet, wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He looked at her curiously.

"I wish I could go back in time and fix things," she said as her lip trembled.

"You can't, but you can always go forward," he said as he analyzed her.

"I miss you," she whispered as tears now streamed from her eyes.

Spencer felt some of the ice melt from his heart. He walked toward her and stopped just inches away.

"Then stay. Don't go back to New York. Stay with us," he said as he placed his hand on her cheek.

Carter leaned into his palm before she started to cry harder.

"I can't do that," she said shaking her head.

"Why? Why aren't we good enough for you?" he said, the pain written in his eyes.

"It's not you! It's me! How do you not see that? How do you not see what I am?" she cried.

"What do you mean what you are? You are my wife and the mother of my child and we miss you. We need you," he practically pleaded.

"No, you don't," she replied. "You don't need me. You have done amazing raising her without me."

"So, what is this? Is this goodbye? You are just going to give up and run away again?" he said pulling away from her.

"You are better off without me," she started to say.

"Whatever. Do what you want. You always do anyway. Just do me a favor?" he said as he paused at the door. "Stop coming home. I don't want Eleanor being confused."

With that he walked away. Carter dropped onto the bed in a fit of sobs so overwhelming no sound escaped her. This was it. The end of the best thing in her life. The only thing worth living for.

(xxxxx)

A few weeks had passed since Carter had left. She honored Spencer's request and stopped coming home. It was a chilly September evening, he had just finished feeding Eleanor and put her in her Little Einstein's Activity Bouncer, when J.J. stopped by, without Henry.

"She's getting so big, Spence," she said as they watched her smack a plastic frog and giggle while it spun.

"Yea, hard to believe she's already 7 months," he said as he turned to clean up the mess at the table. "Where's Henry?"

"Oh, I left him at home with Will. They decided to have a boy's night," she said.

"That's nice," he replied as he carried the dishes to the sink. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure," she said as she helped wipe down Eleanor's highchair tray.

They finished cleaning up the kitchen and Spencer placed a cup of coffee in front of J.J. They prepared it the way they both liked it and then sat down at the table to talk.

"Don't take this the wrong way. I always enjoy your visits, but I can see there's something you want to talk about. So, what's up?" he asked.

She sighed. Spencer was always good at reading her. Beyond profiler level skill. It was like he could hear her inner thoughts.

"I wondered if you've seen any of the news regarding Carter?" she asked cautiously.

She saw his face harden at the mention of her name. He took a sip of his coffee before looking up at her.

"Not really," he said bitterly.

She reached into her purse and pulled out some magazines and handed them to him. On the cover of one she was hanging on some girl's shoulder looking completely trashed. The second was one of her passed out at a club. The third had one of her chugging a large bottle of alcohol.

Spencer dropped the magazines in a huff and looked expectantly at J.J.

"There's more, but these are more concerning," she said as she handed him an article torn from one of the magazines.

On this page, someone had blown up photos of Carter at some type of event. She was dressed in a beautiful black spaghetti strap dress, but the article circled her wrists. He could see multiple deep red and purple marks indicating healing wounds.

The next one she handed him showed her waving from a car. Her long-sleeved shirt had slid down a bit, revealing bloody slices along her wrists.

"The same article talks about multiple witnesses seeing Carter snorting a white substance. Spence, this is not her. She is in trouble and spiraling out of control," J.J. said with concern.

Spencer was staring at his coffee. She could see how conflicted he was.

"I know she's hurt you and I don't expect you to forgive her for what she has done, but she needs us," J.J. said.

"What about Ellie and me? We needed her and she wasn't there for us," he said angrily.

"I know. I get it. I really do and I'm so angry with her for what she has done," J.J. agreed and he heard the truth in her words. "But can we just turn our backs on her? Can we … can you just knowingly watch her destroy herself like this and be ok with that?"

Spencer took a deep breath and looked down at the photos in front of him. It killed him inside to see her hurting herself. In truth, he wanted to rescue her. He wanted back the woman he fell in love with.

"Dada! Dada!"

Spencer got up and walked over to Eleanor who began jumping and squealing with excitement when she saw her dad appear.

"Dada! Dada!" she shouted happily. "Up, up!"

Her little arms waved for him to lift her from the seat. Spencer picked her up and gave her a kiss. Eleanor giggled as she chewed on her slobbery fist.

"Can you watch her for a minute?"

"Absolutely," J.J. said as she held out her arms. "Come here princess. You wanna go play some music?"

"Day day!"

Eleanor dove towards J.J. who carried her to her musical table and they started to play. Spencer watched for a minute, delaying what he wanted to do. Finally, he walked away and pulled his phone from his pocket.

He shut the bedroom door and sat down on his bed. His foot jiggled nervously as he waited.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Max. It's Spencer," he said.

"Spencer, how are you? How is Eleanor?" Max asked, sounding pleased to hear from him.

"We are good thank you. I'm sorry to bother you, but –" he started.

"You are worried about Carter," Max interrupted.

"Yes, I am. What's going on?"

"Spencer, I wish I knew. I tried to help her. I told her she should go to therapy. I tried to get her to take time off and not do her album, but she wouldn't listen to me," Max replied helplessly.

"So, what do I do? Is she with you? Do you think she'll talk to me?" Spencer said as he got up and paced the room.

"You haven't heard?"

Spencer stopped walking.

"Haven't heard what?"

"Spencer, she fired me a few weeks ago. I told her I wasn't happy with her behavior. Told her I was concerned about the path she was heading down and that I refused to help her continue down that road. So, she fired me. She has a new manager," Max explained.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I assumed you were aware," Max said.

"No, I had no idea. Max, I'm sorry. Carter … we haven't really talked much lately," Spencer said in shock.

"I should have figured. She's been pushing everyone out of her life. She doesn't talk to anyone except this new crowd she's with and they are bad people. They are using her and abusing her. I don't know how to help her," Max said.

"I don't know either. But I'm going to see what I can do," Spencer said.

"Let me know if I can help in any way," Max said. "You know, you were the best thing that ever happened to her. I really thought with you she had a chance at living the life she deserved."

Spencer didn't know how to respond.

"Take care of yourself and that little one," Max said.

"Thank you. You too," Spencer said softly before hanging up.

This was getting worse by the minute. Carter was screaming for help. Now he just had to figure out how to help her.


	29. The Final Straw

_Thank you again for the kind words! It means the world to me! I hope you enjoy – warning drug use, self-harm and sexual content._

 _The song included is Cool for the Summer by Demi Lovato. xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Carter leaned over the counter and inhaled deeply through her one open nostril. Leaning back, she continued to sniff until she was sure it was deep inside, working its way through her system. She wiped any remnants of the white powder off her face.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was about to head into a meeting with the heads of the Disney promotion and production team. They were making a plan for an upcoming promotional tour. On the outside she looked professional. Her gray pant suit looked great with her baby blue dress shirt underneath. She looked powerful and together.

On the inside she was the complete opposite. She was anxious, she hardly slept, she was angry, she was depressed, she was lonely, she was scared, and more than anything she missed Spencer and Eleanor. But she did this to herself. They were better off without her dragging them down. She grabbed her Zephyrhills water bottle filled with vodka and exited the bathroom.

By the time, the meeting had finished she was feeling great. She was high as a kite and ready to take on the world. She walked with her manager and body guard to her hotel room, when she heard a familiar voice call out her name. She stopped and looked behind her.

"Spencer?" she said in disbelief.

Shit was she hallucinating? She knew that could happen with cocaine, but she never had that happen yet. He wasn't moving toward her. He was just standing in the hall looking at her. His hair was getting longer. It was a mess of curls that reached below his ears, but not quite to his shoulders.

"Sir, can I help you?" her smarmy manager asked.

"I'm here to talk to my wife," he replied, not breaking eye contact with her.

Before anyone could say anything further, Carter took off at a run and dove into his arms. Spencer stood still in shock as she kissed his neck and cheek and chin and lips and nose and pretty much every inch of his face.

"Oh God, I missed you so much," she said as she began to pull at his shirt.

"Carter, whoa, stop. Hey, stop," he said as he tried to grasp her hands.

"I just wanna fuck you right now. You are so gorgeous," she said as she sucked at his neck.

"Carter, stop. Not here, not like this," he said as he tried to pry her off.

She sighed and stepped back. Her eyes were glazed over and she had a big blissful smile on her face. He wished he wasn't so good at profiling. He wished he believed she missed him and that was all, but sadly he knew that wasn't the case. She had no idea what she was doing right now. She was bombed.

"Can we talk? Maybe get some coffee?" he offered.

"No, she has a show this evening," her manager cut in.

"You are?" Spencer glared.

"I'm her manager, Rick," he said holding out his hand.

"Well, Dick, unless you want me to have you arrested for constructive possession, I suggest you let me speak with my wife," Spencer said with a sneer, completely ignoring the hand shake.

"Constructive possession?" Rick said as he looked at the bodyguard.

"Who owns the white Escalade you just climbed out of?" Spencer asked.

"I do," Rick replied.

"So, if I get the police to check that vehicle, there wouldn't be any drug paraphernalia in there?" Spencer said. "Cocaine, in particular."

Rick seemed to pale.

"Fine, just have her back by 5 o'clock," he said with a frown.

"We'll see," Spencer said as he flicked his head to signal Carter to follow him.

(xxxxx)

Spencer found a quiet space in the back of the café, where he could talk to Carter in peace. He could see she was starting to come down from her high. Her leg was bouncing and she was looking around the room anxiously.

The waitress placed their coffee's down in front of them before walking off to give them privacy. Spencer took a sip of his coffee as he watched her shakily add some sugar. She took a sip and quickly placed it back down.

"I think I need to use the restroom," she said.

"No, you don't," Spencer replied.

"What do you mean, no I don't? Since when were you able to profile someone's need to take a piss?" she snapped.

"Since, I know you are ready for your next fix," he pointed out calmly.

"My next fix? Excuse me, are you insinuating I have a drug problem?" she asked angrily.

Spencer took a sip of his coffee.

"I'm not insinuating. Insinuating would mean I'm hinting or suggesting you have a problem," he said as he put the mug down on the little saucer.

"Oh, is that so? Mr. Brainiac thinks after not seeing me for two months he knows me so well?" she snarled.

"When I first saw you, your pupils were dilated, you had an overabundance of energy, like a caged tiger. You continually sniffed and rubbed at your nose. Now, you are anxiously looking around the room paranoid. You are jittery and easily agitated. You keep rubbing your temples, indicating a headache," he said.

"I had energy because I was excited to see you. As for rubbing my nose and sniffing, my allergies are bothering me. I'm agitated, have a headache and jittery because it's my time of the month. Which is why I need to use the bathroom because I have to change my pad," she countered.

"Your eyes aren't red or watery, there is nothing leaking from your nose, you don't sound congested, and you haven't sneezed or coughed once since I've seen you. You have never experienced symptoms during your menstrual cycle before, with the exception of being weepier than usual," he replied.

"Is this why you invited me to have coffee? So you could give me shit about my life?" she yelled when she couldn't think of any other defense.

"No, I came here to try and help you," he said.

"Help me with what? There is nothing I need help with," Carter said.

"Look, I don't forgive you for what you've done and I am still wildly angry with you, but I still care about you. I don't want you to do this to yourself. I don't want to see you throw your life away," he stated.

"Well aren't you just the knight in shining armor," she said rolling her eyes.

"Carter, you need help. You are sick," he started.

"I am not sick, Spencer! I am perfectly fine! I don't have a drug problem. Everything is fine. I was just trying to fuck you. If you aren't interested, then just say so," she said, too loudly.

"There is a great rehab facility –"

"Seriously? Ok, are we done here? I have a show tonight," she said standing up.

Spencer got up and reached for her arm, but she avoided his touch.

"Goodbye, Spencer," she said as she stormed from the café.

Spencer sighed and sat back down in his seat. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. She wasn't going to go easily.

(xxxxx)

Carter sat down on the toilet as she prepared for the start of her show. She pulled the blade from her pocket and rolled up her sleeve. She slid the blade across her skin and winced at the sting. The blood dripped onto the towel she had placed on her lap. She repeated this process four more times before putting the blade down on the floor.

She sat and cried silently as she watched the blood drip down her arm. After an unknown amount of time, she got up and grabbed the gauze off the counter. She placed it over the cuts and wrapped the bandage around it. She picked up the blade and stuffed it back into her pants.

She grabbed her duffle bag and stuffed the bloody towel into it. Standing in front of the mirror she carefully reapplied her makeup that she had just cried off. Then did a line of coke before exiting the bathroom.

She nodded at her manager and they walked to the stage silently. She waited behind the curtain for her cue before walking out on stage to sing her first song. By her second song, the effects of the cocaine were starting to kick in and she began coming alive. Her energy soaring.

As she was mid-way through her fourth song she spotted a familiar face watching her in the crowd. She felt anger surge through her as she caught his eye. How dare Spencer show up here after everything he said to her! Well, she was going to make sure he really got what he deserved.

When her next song began, she decided to have some fun.

 _Tell me what you want, what you like, it's ok  
I'm a little curious too  
Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right, I don't care  
I can keep a secret can you?_

 _Got my mind on your body and your body on my mind  
Got a taste for the cherry, I just need to take a bite  
Don't tell your mother  
Kiss one another  
Die for each other  
We're cool for the summer_

She began to dance seductively between a male and female dancer. They played along without a look of questioning.

 _Take me down into your paradise  
Don't be scared cause I'm your body type  
Just something that we wanna try  
Just you and I  
We're cool for the summer_

She continued to grind and rub all over the two dancers, while the other dancers did the choreography that had been taught.

 _Tell me if I won, If I did, what's my prize  
I just wanna play with you too  
Even if they judge, Fuck it all, do the time  
I just wanna have some fun with you_

Spencer watched as she behaved overly sexual on stage and felt his face turning red with embarrassment. Suddenly, she looked out in his direction. She put her fingers to her lips and shh'ed, before she grabbed the girl and began French kissing her. The song continued with the backups singing as she spun and kissed the man behind her.

The crowd was going wild, but Spencer wasn't. His heart raced with betrayal. His stomach nauseous with jealousy and his head pounding with anger. He turned without another glance her way and left the show.

He had just reached the parking lot when his phone began to ring. He didn't even look before answering.

"Hello?"

"Did you like that little addition I threw in for you?"

He gripped the phone tighter in his hand. His anger at a boil.

"You win, Carter. I'm done," he said.

"Awe, that's it? You know for an FBI agent, you really didn't give much of a fight," she mocked.

"I came here hoping to find the woman I fell in love with. I had hoped she was still there somewhere and there was a still a chance we could be a family," he said as he got choked up. "But I was wrong."

Carter suddenly didn't feel so confident and powerful. She felt her heart plummet at this revelation.

"Spencer," she began.

"Don't. You've made it clear how much I mean to you. How much Eleanor means to you. I was foolish to think that love would be enough to fix this," he said as a tear slipped from his eye.

Carter sat down on the nearest chair. Her hands shaking as she listened to him breaking down. Listening to him shatter because of her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No, you aren't," he said as he took a deep breathe. "But I am. I am sorry I ever let you into my life. I'm sorry that I believed you could ever love me and that my simple life would be enough for you. I'm sorry that I let you trick me into believing in love. I'm sorry that I ever met you."

With that he hung up the phone. Carter burst into tears as the gravity of what she had done fell on her. She stood up and began to trash the room in front of her. She threw chairs, shattered the mirror, throwing anything she could get her hands on.

She stuffed her hand in her pocket, pulled out the blade, and furiously went to town on her other wrist. Slicing her arm so many times she had lost count. Her arm a bloody mess. She dropped the blade to the ground and screamed angrily as she plopped down next to it.

The last thing she remembered after curling up in the fetal position was her body guard scooping her into his arms and carrying her from the room.

(xxxxx)

Carter sat up in bed. She looked bleary-eyed at the clock. It was 3:30am. She wasn't sure when she had returned to the hotel. All she knew was her arms had been rebandaged and she was in her pajamas. She took out her phone and tried quickly to call Spencer, but it went to voicemail. It was too late. She had finally pushed him to the limit. As he said, there was no fixing the damage she had done.

(xxxxx)

It had been a month since that horrible night. Spencer went back home and continued to raise Eleanor, while working from home. It was a bitter cold November night, Alex had just retired to the guest room and Eleanor was tucked in to bed. Spencer was sitting on the couch reading when he heard a noise at the front door. It sounded a bit like a knock, but also a scratch.

He got up and flipped the light switch on. He peered out the peephole but didn't see anything. He walked into the living room and slid open one of the drawers. Inside was a black box. He pulled that out, typed in a code, and lifted the lid. Inside was one of his safety guns.

He walked back to the front door and unlocked it. He slowly opened it and nearly tripped over the body laying on the door mat.

"Oh my God," Spencer said as he dropped to his knees. "Alex! Alex, help!"

He flipped Carter onto her back and began pressing on her chest, counting 1-2-3. He leaned over and started blowing into her mouth. By this time, Alex appeared and gasped. As Spencer continued CPR, she quickly called 9-1-1.

Spencer could faintly here the conversation behind him as he continued chest compressions.

"Yea, she's blue. No, we don't know what … she's been addicted to cocaine, but I'm not sure about any other drugs."

1-2-3, blow air, 1-2-3, chest compressions. Spencer kept the rhythm going.

"Come on, breathe, damn it!" he said as he beat against her chest.

He didn't know how long it had been before the EMT's arrived. He watched as they got her on the stretcher and raced her to the ambulance. By the time, Derek had pulled up and offered to drive Spencer to the hospital. They raced off after the ambulance, while Alex called the others.


	30. The Emotional Night

_Hope you like the next chapter!_

 _The song included is Without You by Mariah Carey. xoxo_

 _(xxxxx)_

Everyone, except for Alex who stayed with Eleanor, sat in the ER waiting room. They all sat in a nervous silence. Penelope had snuggled up to Derek, her head resting on his shoulder, while J.J. sat picking at her nails. Rossi sat next to them, pretending to read a magazine, but only flipping the pages absent-mindedly every once and a while. Hotch stood in the corner with his phone in hand, looking business as usual.

It had been a couple hours since they received the call and all arrived at the hospital. It was too eerily familiar of the night they thought they'd lost Emily. They sat up straighter when they saw Spencer walking past the window. He pushed open the doors and walked in. It was as if everyone in the room collectively held their breath.

Spencer looked to be in a haze. His eyes were foggy and distant. His shoulders were slumped forward. He looked up at them, but you could argue he didn't even see them.

"How is she?" Penelope asked timidly.

"They … um … tried everything. They don't think she'll make it through the night," he choked out.

"Oh God no," Penelope said as she burst into tears.

Derek pulled her into his arms, his own eyes filling with tears. Rossi appeared beside J.J. to comfort her as she wept as well. Hotch approached Spencer slowly. He placed his hand on Spencer's shoulder and watched him carefully.

"She's in a coma. There was a significant amount of time without oxygen to her brain. They can't do anything else," he said as his voice waivered.

In an uncharacteristic move, Hotch pulled his youngest agent into his arms and held him as he cried. It didn't seem fair that Spencer continued to suffer such heartache. After a few minutes, Spencer pulled away and wiped the tears from his face.

"We … uh … we can all take a moment to say goodbye," he said to everyone. "If someone could call Alex and ask her to bring Ellie."

"I'll handle that," Rossi volunteered.

"There's a lot of people I need to call and let them know," Spencer said shaking.

"Let us know who you want us to call," Hotch stated.

"Um, I'm not sure … I can't really think clearly right now …" he said as his lip trembled.

"Let me have your phone. I have a good idea who to call," Derek said as he held out his hand.

Spencer handed it over without a second thought.

(xxxxx)

Morning had arrived. It had been 24 hours since Spencer had slept last. He stood outside of the room as each of his family members said goodbye. As Max, Alisha, and Lila said goodbye. After each person left, they hugged him and whispered words of comfort.

He looked up to see Alex carrying Eleanor toward him. Her eyes lit up with excitement when she saw him.

"Daddy!" she squealed as she wiggled to get out of Alex's arms.

She ran with wobbly legs to Spencer, who had bent down and opened his arms for her. She threw her little arms around his neck and he lifted her off the ground, hugging her tighter than he ever had before.

"Hi Princess. Did you sleep alright?" he said, as he did every morning.

"Yes," she grinned. "Watch Mickey?"

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse had become her favorite show. In the mornings, while Spencer got everything in order for the day, Eleanor usually spent it watching Mickey.

"In a little bit. We need to do something first," he said to her.

"No, watch Mickey," she said with a furrowed brow.

"We will honey. Daddy promises," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"I'll be right here," Alex assured him.

He gave her a grateful nod of his head, before he carried Eleanor into the room. It was dimly lit as they passed the curtain that shielded Carter from view.

"Ssssss," Eleanor said as she put her finger to her lips. "Mommy seepin."

Spencer buried his face in his daughter's hair as tears slid from his eyes.

"Yea, Mommy is sleeping," he said. "She's going to be asleep for a long time, Ellie. I know that you won't understand this, but I want you to know that your Mommy …"

He had to stop to take a deep breath as he tried to remain composed for her.

"Your Mommy, she loved you more than words could ever express," he said as he started to break down.

"Daddy? Why cryin?" Eleanor asked with concern.

"Because I love you and Mommy so much," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"Yuh you," she repeated.

"We need to say goodbye to Mommy now. So, she can sleep. Can you give her a kiss?"

Spencer walked closer and held Eleanor out to her mother. She gave a small kiss on Carter's cheek.

"Nuh night, Mommy," she whispered.

Spencer lifted her back up and started carrying her toward the door.

"Watch Mickey?" she asked.

"Yes, Nana Alex will take you to watch Mickey," he said as he opened the door.

"Nahnah! Mickey!" she cried as she tried to jump into Alex's arms.

"Come on sweet pea, Papa Dave is making pancakes at his house," Alex said as she took Eleanor into her arms again.

"Cakies! Cakies, Daddy!" she said as she bounced in Alex's arms.

"Daddy, will be home in a little bit. You be good and listen to Nana and Papa," he said sternly.

"Call if you need me," Alex said gently as she gave him a kiss on his cheek.

He nodded before going back into the room. He stood next to Carter and stared down at her. How had they come to this? This wasn't the life they were supposed to have together. She wasn't supposed to die until they were old. They were supposed to have more kids and someday raise grandkids.

Spencer gently took Carter's hand in his.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as tears streamed from his eyes. "I'm sorry for saying that I wish I never met you. I was angry and I didn't mean it. In truth, I don't know how I'm going to live without you. You meant more to me than anything in this world. Before you I didn't know or understand what love really was.

I just wish we could have had more time together. I don't want to say goodbye to you. I don't want this to be the end. You mean too much to me," he sobbed. "God, why? Why do you have to take her from me? Please give her back to us, please. I'll do anything. Just please, give me a miracle. Give me my wife back."

His head pounding from the amount of crying. His face chapped and raw from the tears. He just didn't have the strength to go on. If it weren't for Eleanor, he would've killed himself right there in that room.

"God, I love you so much. What am I going to do without you? How am I going to get up every day and not see your beautiful face? How am I going to live without hearing your voice? Carter, you are my everything. My heart, my soul, my being.

I just can't say goodbye. I can't let you go. I know that's selfish and I need to tell you it's ok, but it's not. It's not ok! I don't want you to leave me!"

By now, he could barely breathe. His body shaking as he cried over the woman he loved. That was when he felt it. It seemed incidental at first. Something that happened often to patients in comas. A gentle flutter of her fingers.

Spencer looked at Carter with hope.

"Can you hear me?"

Her fingers fluttered again.

"Carter, if you can hear me baby I need more than that. You have to show me you hear me," he said desperately.

He waited for a moment and started to deflate again, when her hand grabbed his hand tightly before letting go.

"Yes, I felt that! I felt it!" he cried as he bent over and kissed her forehead. "Come back to me. Don't stop fighting."

(xxxxx)

Another week had passed, but Spencer stayed by Carter's side. The doctors were amazed that she seemed to be recovering despite not waking from the coma as of yet. They wouldn't know the extent of the damage done until she woke, but at this point they were encouraged by her will to live.

As he did often during the day, he sat next to the bed reading Carter a book. He tried not to go as fast as he usually did so she could enjoy it with him. He heard a gentle knock on the door and called out for the person to come in.

"Hey, stranger. Hope I'm not interrupting."

Spencer jumped from his seat with a smile and threw his arms around Emily's neck.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he held her tightly.

"I heard about Carter and I wanted to come check on you. How are you holding up?" she said, still holding him.

"I'm good. Hopeful that she is going to pull through this," he said as he finally let go.

"How is Eleanor?" Emily said as she followed him further into the room.

"Growing too fast. She'll be 10 months in three weeks," he said as he sat back down in his chair by the bed.

"Rumor has it she has her father's brains," she grinned as she dragged a chair closer to his side.

"I don't know about that. I think she's smart, but I don't really have much to compare it to," he said with a proud smile.

"Does she have any idea what's going on?" she said soberly.

"Thankfully, no. Carter was absent most of Ellie's life, so she is used to her not being around."

Emily could hear the pain in that statement. She knew it brought back memories of his own childhood.

"Maybe this is God's way of giving her a second chance," she said.

"I hope so," Spencer replied.

The two were silent for a few minutes. Both staring at Carter.

"I should have called her. After I saw that video, I knew something was wrong and I didn't reach out," Emily began.

"What video?" Spencer interrupted.

"The one she posted online the day she OD'd," she said.

Spencer stared at her questioningly. It hit Emily like a ton of bricks.

"No one showed it to you," she said rather than questioned.

"Can I see it?" he asked.

Emily hesitated, but she didn't see any reason why she shouldn't show it to him. It's not like he couldn't search for it on his own if he wanted. She played with her phone a minute before handing it to Spencer. He looked at a video of a very somber Carter.

She was wearing the same outfit she had been in when he found her on the porch. Her hair was a tangled mess and she had clearly been crying.

" _Hi. I know I owe so many of you an apology for my behavior lately. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would be sitting here high on cocaine filming myself at rock bottom._

 _Over the past year, I have been struggling. I have made choices that caused a great deal of pain to those I love and it has left me with so much hate and self-loathing I can barely stand the sight of myself in the mirror._

 _I have been a horrible mother. I haven't been there to help raise my beautiful daughter. My amazing husband has continued to work to save lives, while ultimately being a single parent. They deserve better. They deserve the world."_

Carter had to stop to control herself as tears streamed from her eyes. She wiped them away and coughed a little before looking back into the camera.

" _I'm not great with expressing myself without music. So, I want to dedicate this song to the most amazing man I have ever known. I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. I know it means nothing at this point, but I will always love you with every single beat of my heart."_

She took a deep breath and looked down. He heard the gentle sound of a piano and realized that was what she was sitting at.

" _No I can't forget this evening  
Or your face as you were leaving  
But I guess that's just the way the story goes_

 _You always smile but in your eyes  
Your sorrow shows  
Yes it shows_

 _No I can't forget tomorrow  
When I think of all my sorrow  
When I had you there  
But then I let you go_

 _And now it's only fair that I should let you know  
What you should know_

 _I can't live  
If living is without you  
I can't live  
I can't give anymore  
Can't live  
If living is without you  
I can't give  
I can't give anymore"_

She continued to sing as Spencer watched the video intently. Emily found herself watching him and waiting for his reaction. When the song had finished, Carter looked at the camera again and gave a small pained smile.

" _I love you."_

With that the video ended. Spencer stared at Emily's phone. She didn't know what to do or say, so she waited.

"So … this was intentional?" he said slowly with a furrowed brow.

"It seems that way," Emily replied softly.

"Why would you do that? Why would you leave me like that?" he yelled at Carter's sleeping form. "You … I needed you … and you just … you."

He couldn't find the words. He stood up shaking as he put a hand to his head. Emily stood up and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Spencer, she was sick. She wasn't in her right mind."

"I never asked her to leave," he whimpered as he looked to Emily in distress.

"I know," she said as she pulled him into her arms. "I know, you didn't."

He sobbed loudly as she held him tightly. Her hand gently rubbing his back as she tried to soothe him.

"Sor … ry," a gruff voice said.

Spencer and Emily separated and both looked to Carter, who was looking at them through heavy-lidded eyes. Spencer placed his hands on her cheeks and leaned forward.

"You're awake," he sobbed.

Emily watched as Carter's eyes slowly closed again, but it was something. It was something that they needed. Spencer dropped his head onto Carter's shoulder and continued to cry, while Emily sent a mass text to the others.


	31. The Second Chance

_So sorry for the delay! This writers block has been a monster! Hopefully you are still reading and enjoy this next chapter. I think I am nearing the end of this story. Then I'll try finishing the other one I started and have writers block with as well! Haha! ENJOY xoxox_

 _(xxxxx)_

Two more days had passed, before a true miracle happened. Carter woke up. She was very confused and had some hiccups with her memory, but she knew enough important information for doctors to be amazed. After hours of checkups and speaking with a psychologist, she was finally left alone with Spencer.

She sat quietly in the bed looking out at the rain that slid down the window, when Spencer entered the room. This would be the first moment they were alone since she woke up. She sheepishly looked at him as he approached the side of her bed.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," she replied.

Her voice was a bit raspy from not being used and the feeding tube being removed the day before. He could see it was painful when she talked. He gently grabbed her hand and held it tightly as he felt himself choking up. He thought he'd never hear her voice again.

"Spencer," she said hesitating. "Sorry … is just not enough."

She broke with the last word as she began to cry. Spencer sat down carefully on the bed and used his free hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I know," he whispered. "You have a second chance now."

His lips trembled as he tried to remain composed.

"We can be a family again. I want you to come home to us. Ellie and I need you."

Carter's eyes shut as the tears streamed down her cheek. She felt Spencer's forehead against her own. She slowly lifted her hands and placed them in the soft curls she had missed so much. She nodded and felt the weight of the world slip off of his shoulders.

"But, I have to go away first," she said as he pulled away from her.

She saw his eyes grow a bit larger and the panic in them. She gave him a small reassuring smile.

"I need to go to rehab. It's important for me if I don't want to end up making the same mistakes again. Dr. Lowrie, the Psychologist I spoke to, said they will help me deal with my PTSD, Post-partum Depression, and drug addiction," she explained.

Spencer nodded his understanding.

"I want to do right by you and Ellie. I want to fix what I have broken," she said as she tried to control her emotions.

"I know and I will support you 100% of the way. Whatever you need, I am there for you," he promised her.

"I know," she smiled. "You've always been there for me. Even when I didn't deserve it."

Spencer gave her a small smile.

"There's a long road ahead of us, but together we can do it," he said.

"Together," she agreed.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat nervously outside of the brick building shivering against the cold January air. It had been four weeks since he had seen Carter. Following her release from the hospital, she went straight to the rehab center she had chosen.

The first week they had no contact at all. The second and third week, Spencer received a phone call on Saturday and Sunday from her. If she participated in all the required activities and followed all the rules she would be allowed supervised visits her fourth week. To Spencer's relief, he had gotten the call inviting him to come to the center to visit with her.

His leg bounced nervously as he waited for her to come greet him. It was early afternoon and the sun was shining above him on this beautiful day. He watched as other family members greeted their loved ones and he searched the group anxiously for Carter.

His heart skipped a beat, like the first time he had laid eyes on her, when she emerged from the building. She wore jeans and was bundled in a bulky baby blue jacket. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and she wore no makeup, yet he thought she never looked more beautiful.

The moment Carter's eyes connected with his a smile stretched across her face and she blushed. He stood up and waited with baited breath for her to reach him. As soon as she was within arms-length, she opened her arms and wrapped them around his neck.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"I've missed you too," he said.

They separated but stayed facing each other in close proximity.

"How is Ellie?" Carter asked.

"She is good. J.J. took her and Henry to the zoo today," he said.

"Does she like animals?" she said with a sparkle in her eye.

"Yea, she loves animals. Her favorite is elephants," he said with a gentle smile.

It warmed his heart to see Carter genuinely interested in their daughter. He could see she was trying. He could see the change in her. She was becoming the woman he had fallen in love with.

"Would you like to go sit inside?" she asked and he gave her a small nod. "They have snacks, but unfortunately there's no caffeinated coffee."

"It's ok," Spencer said as he followed her inside.

As they walked to a quiet corner, he looked around at the other people in the room. There was a man who looked to be in his 60's with someone he assumed was his wife or girlfriend. There were three young adults with parents and siblings. There were two sets of couples his and Carter's age and one man who sat talking to two children around the age of 8 and 10.

He sat down across from Carter and waited for her to get comfortable.

"So, how's everything going?" he asked awkwardly.

"It's going well, but it hasn't been easy. There have been many times I've wanted to leave," she started.

"Why?" he said curiously.

"It's not easy to admit your behavior. To take responsibility for your actions. It's also difficult reliving moments you wish you could forget, but they keep pushing until you break. There have been times I've lost it. Cried, screamed, threatened. There have been mornings I considered not getting up to going to my classes," she said with a frown.

Spencer stiffened a little at this revelation, but he schooled his expression and continued to listen.

"I have a picture of you and Ellie on my nightstand," she said as she looked up at him shyly. "And that pushes me to go. Because I know if I don't fix myself, I will lose you forever and that is not something I can live with."

Both Spencer and Carter's eyes clouded with tears. He reached out and gently took her hand in his. He didn't trust himself to talk, so he just squeezed her hand. She understood the gesture and squeezed back.

(xxxxx)

A week later, Spencer sat in a circle with four other patients and their loved ones for family day. Today was all about learning how to deal with the mess the addicts left behind as well as how to progress positively into the future.

Spencer sat listening to the science behind addiction, something he was already fully aware of both personally and academically, as well as the stories of the other patients. He was nervous to share in front of these watching eyes. It was his personal life and he didn't particularly want to share this with others.

"Next, Spencer and Carter," the leader said interrupting his thoughts.

Carter got up and moved to the chair in the center of the room. Spencer slowly stood up and followed, sitting directly across from her. They were so close their knees were touching.

"Hold hands," the leader instructed. "Great. Now Spencer, I want you to tell Carter what she has done to you that has caused you pain and what you need from her in the future."

Spencer turned a deep shade of red and looked down at their connected hands.

"It's ok," Carter whispered. "Just be honest."

He nodded and took a deep breath.

"Um, I'm angry at you for abandoning me and Ellie. You knew I had abandonment issues and you left anyway. You didn't come to me when you were struggling. You didn't communicate with me at all. You shut me out and left me feeling scared and alone.

Worst is you left Ellie. You left a helpless child who never asked to be born. I know you were hurting and I can't imagine the pain of that, but how could you just desert your child? How can you leave her when she needed you the most?

I thought I was healing from all of this, but I'm not. I'm so angry at you. When I think back to how lost and hopeless I felt, I just get so angry all over again," he said as tears, unknowingly, streamed down his cheeks.

"What do you need from her Spencer? Tell her what you need from her," the leader said.

"I need you to step up and be a mother. I need you to be there for every appointment, holiday, and milestone. I need you to choose her before you choose your job," he said adamantly.

"What about you? What can I do to fix us?" Carter asked as her lip trembled and tears dripped down her face.

He paused and broke eye contact. He looked down at his converse sneakers and sighed.

"I don't know. I know I want you in my life. I know I want things between us to work out. I just don't know how to make that happen. I don't trust you. I am afraid of you," he said softly.

"Afraid of me?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"Carter, the pain I felt losing you was awful. The torture I felt when I thought you were dead … there are no words to describe that pain. I am so afraid to open up to you again. There is a big wall around my heart and I'm not sure what it's going to take to knock it down," he said as he wiped a tear from his face.

"I understand. I know what I have done to you and Eleanor. I know I have a lot of hard work to do in order to repair the damage I've caused. But I am going to show you that I've changed. I am going to follow everything they teach me here. I'm going to continue with outpatient services and NA meetings. I am not going to lose you and Ellie. I will fight for you both until the day I die," Carter cried.

(xxxxx)

The next three weeks passed by quickly. Spencer went to visit Carter every weekend and was grateful when he found out that she had arranged for them to continue marriage counseling when she was back home. She was showing him that she took this change very seriously and meant it when she said she wanted to be in their lives.

Spencer sat in the living room playing blocks with Eleanor when there was a knock at the door. Eleanor perked up and looked at Spencer.

"Ellie, who is that?" he asked as he got up off the floor.

"Who is dat?" she repeated as she followed Spencer toward the door.

Spencer unlocked the door and opened it.

"Mommy!" Eleanor squealed.

"Hi, princess," Carter said as she kneeled down to her level. "I have something for you."

Carter pulled her arm from behind her back and held out a stuffed purple elephant.

"Enephant! Daddy, it's an enephant!" she said as she waved the doll at her father. "Papa Dabe! Enephant!"

Rossi had appeared behind Carter carrying her suitcases.

"I see, Stellina," Rossi grinned from the porch.

"Here let me get those," Spencer said as he reached out to take the luggage.

"Thank you for the ride," Carter said as she turned to face Rossi.

"Welcome home, Bella," he said as they embraced.

As Rossi headed back to his car, Spencer shut the door and locked it. Carter looked around the entrance to her home.

"I'll take this upstairs to the bedroom. Why don't you go settle in with Ellie? I'll make some breakfast," he said as he took the bags up the steps.

Carter wandered into the living room. It was mostly the same, but more toys had been added over time. It seemed the living room had become a play area for Eleanor. Carter stood watching as her daughter held her elephant under her arm while sucking her thumb and staring at the television.

"What are you watching Ellie?" she asked hesitantly.

"Mickey."

"Can I watch it with you?" she said softly.

Eleanor nodded. Carter took a seat on the floor near her daughter and smiled as Eleanor burst into a belly laugh at something Goofy had just done. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but suddenly Spencer was calling them to breakfast.

Eleanor ran past Carter and lifted her arms for Spencer to put her in her chair. He lifted her up and buckled her in before grabbing her plate.

"I could do that," Carter offered.

Spencer looked up to see her nervously watching him. He handed her the plate and took a seat across from her.

"What … um … what is she allowed to have?"

"She will eat pancakes, cut them up small for her. She doesn't like syrup, just butter. She'll eat the mixed fruit, just cut up any big pieces," he said.

Carter prepared the plate and handed it over to Eleanor.

"Ellie, what do you say?" Spencer said.

"Dank you," she replied before shoving two pieces of watermelon into her mouth.

"Eleanor Grace one bite at a time," he said sternly.

Carter watched Spencer load up his plate and then turned her attention to Eleanor who was happily munching away on a pineapple.

"Are you not hungry?"

Carter snapped out of her daze and looked back at Spencer who was watching her curiously.

"Oh, no, I am. Sorry, this is just …" she trailed off.

"Overwhelming?" he offered.

"Yea, in a good way though. It's all the things I've been missing out on," she said with a sad smile.

"Well, you are here now and that's what matters," Spencer said before continuing his breakfast.

(xxxxx)

Carter had just settled Eleanor in for her afternoon nap. They had a busy morning of getting reacquainted. Spencer took her to Eleanor's favorite park. They had a picnic lunch and played on the swing set until Ellie could barely keep her eyes open.

Spencer had finished up a load of laundry and was carrying it up the stairs when he heard something. When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Carter with her back against the wall near their bedroom. Her head was buried in her knees and she was shaking.

He placed the basket down on the floor and walked over to her. Kneeling down in front of her he placed his hand on her back gently.

"Carter, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I can't go in there. I can't go in that room," she said as she shook. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

It hit Spencer like a ton of bricks. He hadn't even considered once what coming home to this house would do to her. What that bedroom would remind her of. How had he not thought of the mental anguish it was going to cause her?

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about it. Come here," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

She clutched him desperately and sobbed into his shirt as he held her tightly.

"Let's go downstairs. I'll make you some tea," he said as he helped her off the floor.

He held her by his side as they went downstairs. He got her settled into the couch with a blanket before hurrying off to get her a cup of tea. She continued to cry while she waited for his return. Not five minutes later, he returned with a cup and handed it to her.

He sat down on the coffee table next to the couch and watched her take a small sip. She took a few deep breaths before laying the cup down on the side table.

"Do you want to see if we can stay at Rossi's for the night? I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Spencer offered.

Carter sat quietly thinking about the offer, but shook her head no.

"This is our home. I'm going to have to deal with it at some point," she began.

"Carter, you suffered a great tragedy here and you shouldn't have to deal with it. First thing tomorrow I'll get with Morgan and see if he has any properties available. We will put this house up for sale and find a new home. It makes sense anyway. If we are starting over, we should start over with a new home.

We can find a house with a bigger yard. This way when Zeus comes home he has room to run. I've been wanting to get a playground in the backyard for Ellie. Oh and maybe a spare room we can turn into a library. You could have a room to work on your music. Yes, I think this is the perfect plan. I should have thought of it sooner," he said.

Carter sat up and threw her arms around Spencer's neck, nearly knocking him over.

"What is this for?" he chuckled.

"I don't deserve you Spencer Reid. But I am so damn thankful that God felt otherwise," she said before pressing her lips to his.

They both stiffened at this gesture. Carter backed away as if she had been burned. Spencer bit his bottom lip and looked down at his feet.

"I'm sorry. I know we are taking it slow. I didn't mean to," she started.

"It's ok," he said before getting up from the coffee table. "I'm going to … uh … call Morgan and just … um … enjoy your tea. I'll … uh … be back."

With that he walked out of the room and back upstairs. Carter sat with her fingers to her lips. She felt the spark when their lips touched. It brought back so many good memories. She was determined more than ever to make this work between them. She wasn't going to screw things up. She was going to win back her husbands trust and be the best mom in the world.


	32. The Birthday Party

_The end of the story is nearing! Thanks to my readers and for the comments! Helps so much and inspires me! ENJOY xoxox_

 _PS- the song in this is Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato_

 _(xxxxx)_

Spencer and Morgan worked fast. Before they had even put their old house on the market, they were owners of another home. Spencer took care of preparing the previous home for selling, while Carter worked on getting their new home organized.

She purchased all new furniture for their bedroom. The idea of keeping that bed had made her physically ill and Spencer had to call her therapist to talk her through a panic attack.

For Eleanor's room, Carter hired an artist to make the room look like a Disney Princess room. There was a giant Castle on the wall and the ceiling lit up with magical stars. Her crib was designed and shaped to look a bit like a carriage. Everything in the room fit the theme of princess.

Spencer got his library. It was filled with his books, Carter's books, and there was even a shelf just for Eleanor's books. Every evening before bed they would go into the library and read together as a family. Most nights Spencer would read his own book, while Carter sat on the floor reading to Eleanor. She was trying hard to make up for lost times.

Despite her insistence she was going to give up music, Spencer had a studio made for her.

"Even if you don't produce anything, this can be your room to come when you need to express yourself. Carter, music is a part of you. I don't want you to give up something you love. All I ever wanted was for you to not forget us or put us after your music."

She was grateful to have the room. She had already gone in there a few nights when she couldn't sleep to write music. Sometimes she would take Eleanor in with her and sing her songs while playing the guitar. She hated to admit it, but she loved this room the most.

Things were progressing in a good direction. The team had accepted her apology and were very supportive of her recovery. Nearly every Sunday, Carter and J.J. would get together. Sometimes they would meet at the park, sometimes at each other's houses. Either way, they would bond while Henry would play with Eleanor.

At least once a week, Alex would come over for dinner. It seemed that she had become a surrogate mom to Spencer. She always treated him as her equal, but she could see the subtle things Alex would do that were motherly.

"How's your knee? Did you make an appointment with the doctor?" she said one night at dinner.

"Not yet," he replied.

"Spencer, don't wait until you need to use a cane again. Call tomorrow," Alex said sternly.

"I will. I promise," he said sheepishly.

Alex nodded and then lifted her hand to ruffle his hair playfully. Spencer shot her a smile that radiated the love of a son.

Everything was progressing that way it should, except for Carter and Spencer's intimacy. They didn't argue and were getting along great. Spencer had gone back to work once they had settled into the new home. Zeus was back with them, he had been with Max while she partied and then recovered. Their actions were fluent and from an outside look they had a solid marriage.

But the damage Carter had done to Spencer's heart was proving to be difficult to repair. They always hugged one another goodbye, but it was stiff and unnatural. They hadn't kissed since that small chaste kiss weeks ago. They hadn't had sex in months. In fact, they only had sex once after Eleanor was born and it was very disconnected.

Carter knew she reaped what she sowed, so she never pressed Spencer regarding it. He had to be the one to let her back in. she couldn't force her way back into his heart. All she could do was continue being there for him and Eleanor and pray that overtime he would trust her again.

(xxxxx)

It was a week before Eleanor's first birthday. Spencer had taken Eleanor to bed and left Carter working on decorations for the party. He told her to do something simple, but she wouldn't listen. She spent hours at night putting together centerpieces and decorations that she had found online.

He had a particularly difficult night falling asleep. Every time he had dozed off he would wake up as if something bad was happening. After the fifth time of getting up, he checked on Eleanor. She was sound asleep peacefully dreaming. He decided to check on Carter as she hadn't come to bed yet and it was already 2am.

He wandered down the stairs and was surprised to see the craft table deserted. He checked the kitchen and living room, but Carter wasn't in either of those places. He slowly made his way toward her music room, when he heard the gentle sound of her voice.

" _Oh no, here we go again. Fighting over what I said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Bad at love, no I'm not good at this, but I can't say I'm innocent, not hardly. But I'm sorry._

 _All my friends they know and it's true, I don't know who I am without you. I've got it bad baby, I've got it bad. Oh tell me you love me, I need someone. On days like this I do, on days like this. Oh tell me you love me, I need someone. On days like this I do, on days like this._

 _Oh can't you hear my heart say, you ain't nobody til you've got somebody. No you ain't nobody til you've got somebody._

 _And I hope I never see the day, that you move on and be happy without me. Without me. What's my hand without your heart to hold. I don't know what I'm living for if I'm living without you."_

Spencer slowly pushed the door open and Carter jumped at the sight of him.

"I'm sorry! Did I wake you? I was too loud. I tried to sing softly. I'm sorry," she said as she scurried to put the guitar away.

"No, you didn't wake me. I just came down to get a drink of water and wasn't sure where you were," he said.

"Oh, ok," she said awkwardly.

A little piece of Spencer pinged with guilt. She was trying so hard to make it up to him that she was walking on egg shells around him. He didn't mean to be that way. He wanted to open up to her again. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her. He wanted to make love to her again, but he was scared.

"Was that new?" he asked as she put her notebook back on the table.

"It's a work in progress," she shrugged.

"It sounds good," he said.

"Oh … uh … thank you," she said surprised.

There was an awkward silence as Carter looked at her feet and Spencer looked at a scratch on the piano. He looked cautiously at her and saw she was still looking at the floor as she shuffled her socked foot.

"I want to let you in. I really do. I'm not trying to push you away," he said causing her to look up at him through her lashes. "I just don't know how to trust you."

He saw the sorrow in her eyes. The genuine heartbreaking guilt in her reflection. She knew what she had done and she wasn't going to fight otherwise.

"I know," was all she could mutter.

They stood silent a few more moments before Spencer turned and left the room. He stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. He felt like he was tearing in two. One half of him was insisting he go back to bed, protect yourself at all costs. While the other part of him wanted to go back in the room, tell her he loved her and kiss her until he couldn't breathe.

He heard the faint sound of Carter crying. He pushed himself off the wall and turned to go back into the room. His hand out and reaching for the knob, but instead he let his arm drop, turned around and went back to his bedroom.

(xxxxx)

Eleanor's birthday party was in full swing. It was a cool afternoon, but the sun was shining and everyone was in good spirits. Carter had rented a castle bounce house that the kids were having a blast jumping in and there was a piñata for later.

Spencer was standing by the bounce house, watching the kids, when Derek approached him.

"I can't believe it's been a year," Derek said as he took a sip of his drink.

"Just wait until your little one is here," Spencer said with a smile.

Only a few days ago, Derek had come into the office to announce that his girlfriend Savannah was pregnant with their first child.

"Who would've ever thought it? Me a dad," he said in shock.

"It's the best thing that will ever happen to you," Spencer replied.

Derek nodded as they continued to watch the kids.

"I'm going to ask Savannah to marry me," Derek suddenly announced.

"Wow, a child and off the market. Never thought I'd see the day," Spencer joked.

Derek laughed light-heartedly.

"When you have something that good, you'd be stupid to let it go," he said as he glanced back to see Savannah laughing with J.J. and Rossi.

He looked at Spencer before looking back at the bounce house.

"How are things with Carter?"

"Good. She's been doing an amazing job with Ellie. They've grown really close over the past few weeks," he said.

"That's good. How about you two?" Derek asked with a glance at Spencer.

"It's fine. We have gotten into a good routine with who does what around the house. She's been really helpful now that I'm back to work," he said.

"I mean romantically," Derek said bluntly.

Spencer didn't respond. He seemed to glaze over a bit.

"Do you not love her anymore?" Derek said gently.

"No, I love her," he answered immediately.

"Then what's the problem?"

"What do you mean what's the problem?" Spencer said defensively.

"Kid, I get it. What she did to you and Ellie was some messed up shit, but at some point you have to see that she is making the effort and cut her some slack," Derek said.

"I can't. I can't just let it go. I am still angry at her. I still see her walking out on us. I see her on stage making out with that girl and guy. I see her making a fool of me and leaving me begging for her to come home only to be left alone. I don't think I can forgive her. I just don't think I will ever be able to let her in my heart again," he said emotionally.

Derek wrapped his arm around Spencer's shoulder and gave him a small pat.

"Mommy, wook at me! I bouncing!" Ellie cried from the bounce house.

Spencer and Derek both spun around to see Carter standing only a few feet away. Her eyes were watery and her lip was trembling as she tried to brave a smile. In her hand she was holding a plate of food that she held out to Spencer.

"I thought you might be hungry," she wavered.

Spencer took the plate as his heart pounded. She gave a fake smile and started to walk back toward the house. Spencer went after her.

"Carter, wait," he said.

"Not now. I've already ruined so much, I don't want to ruin Ellie's party," she said before hurrying off.

(xxxxx)

Everyone had said their goodbyes and left. The party was a huge success. Eleanor had been spoiled rotten with gifts that she loved and cake that she got more on her clothing and face than in her mouth. Spencer was tasked with giving Ellie a bath and getting her settled in for bed, while Carter cleaned up.

Once Eleanor was asleep, he wandered downstairs to help clean. He found Carter in the kitchen washing dishes.

"What can I help with?" he asked softly.

"I'm almost finished, but thank you," she replied as she continued to wash a large bowl.

Spencer hesitated before leaning against the counter.

"I'm sorry you heard what I said to Morgan," he said.

"No need to be sorry. It's how you feel," she said, the pain radiating in her voice.

"I was just venting," he started.

"Look I understand. I did this to myself with my selfish actions. I don't deserve your forgiveness and I most certainly don't deserve a second chance.

I can't take back what I've done. If I could I would do it in a heartbeat. I lost the most amazing … most amazing man in this world. I am lucky enough that my daughter is too young to understand what I've done to her," she said as she began to cry.

"I will have to live with my consequences every day for the rest of my life. There is nothing else I can do," she said sadly.

Spencer didn't know what to say. He was so damn confused about all of this. He was so conflicted. He looked over to Carter when the water turned off. She rinsed out the rag and squeezed out the remaining water, then leaned on the counter for a moment before turning to him.

"I know the best thing to do would be for me to move out, but I would really be grateful to you if you let me stay. I want to spend as much time with Ellie as I can. I promise that I will keep to myself when you are home and will contribute fully to the daily functions of the house. Please. I've been away from Ellie for far too long and I don't want to be without her again," she said with pleading eyes.

Spencer stared at her in stunned silence. A thousand things were running through his mind and he couldn't decipher any of it. The two Spencer's were battling and he was at a loss on what to do. At some point, he managed to nod his head, which he wasn't totally aware of doing.

"Thank you. I'll collect my things and use the spare bathroom. You keep the master," she said before walking passed him.

Spencer stood in kitchen long after she had walked out. Was this really it? Was he sure this was what he wanted? Was there truly no way for him to forgive her and move forward? With a sick stomach, a throbbing head, and an aching heart he wandered off to bed to try to sleep. Maybe morning would bring fresh perspective.


	33. The Realization

_Hope you like this chapter and it ties everything together! Thanks for the comments! xoxox_

 _PS- the song in this is Solo by Clean Bandit, featuring Demi Lovato_

 _(xxxxx)_

Three months had gone by with no change in Carter and Spencer's relationship. Carter kept up with her end of the deal and spent a lot of time with Eleanor and Zeus. When Spencer was home, he would get his time in with Ellie and Carter would retreat to her music room or bedroom. She was never far if Eleanor needed her.

If Spencer needed to go away for a case, he was able to do so without worry for Eleanor's safety. Carter had proven to him that she could be a loving mother. They got along when they interacted and ate meals together when they were both home.

One night after she had put Eleanor to bed she approached Spencer in the library, where he sat reading.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey, everything alright?" he asked as he glanced up from his book.

"Yea, everything is fine. I wondered if you had a moment to talk?" she asked.

"Sure," he said as he closed his book and gave her his attention.

"You know how I've been working on new songs?" she said and he nodded. "I sent them to Max and they want to produce a new album."

"That's great news," he said with a smile.

"Thank you. What I wanted to talk to you about is they want me to a 10-show pre-release tour to get everyone excited about the new album. I would be gone for about two weeks," she started.

"I can talk to Hotch about taking some time off," he said.

"Well, actually, I was wondering if you would maybe let me take Ellie with me," she said hesitantly.

Spencer's eyes widened and he seemed to grow tense.

"I have fired everyone who was apart of my previous lifestyle and hired back everyone who was there before. So, there is no danger to her. I would be with her 95% of the day and Alicia said she would watch her for me when I'm on stage," she assured him.

"I think it would be a lot of fun for her and I really want to show her my world. I promise we will check in with you daily and you can call anytime to see how she is. I won't let anything happen to her. Please."

Spencer leaned forward in his chair, his face buried in his hands as he contemplated her request. He wanted to tell her absolutely not, but he couldn't think of a reason to say no.

"Please just think about it. I don't need an answer tonight. It's not for another three weeks, but I just would love to have her with me," she said.

Spencer looked up at Carter who stared at him with pleading eyes. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Ok," he said gently.

"Ok, you'll think about it or ok, she can come with me?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"Ok, she can come with you," he said.

Carter squealed and ran over to hug him.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise I won't let you down!" she said as he chuckled and hugged her back.

"I want you to check in every day like you said. I'd prefer a morning and night check in, but at the least before bed. I would like to say goodnight to her," he said. "And no parties or anything that you know I would disapprove of."

"I swear! It will be a calm tour. No parties, no drinking, no drugs. She will be with me the entire time except when I perform, when Alicia will care for her offstage. She will be a priority over anything and everything else," she promised.

"I believe you," he said.

"Thank you that means a lot to me. Ok, I'll leave you be. Thank you again," she said before hurrying from the room excitedly.

Spencer smiled to himself. He opened his book to start reading but found himself distracted. He closed the book and stared at the spot where Carter just stood. He clearly was finding himself trusting her again and yet, they still were separated. He did miss her. Especially moment's like this that reminded him of what he envisioned their marriage to be like.

He still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She still took his breath away. So, what was it that kept stopping him from that final step of forgiving her and letting her back in. Despite being in love with her, was it over? Was he always going to have that love for her, but never have that connection again? So many questions ran through his brain. He pulled out his phone. Maybe she would have answers for him.

(xxxxx)

Three weeks later Spencer stood in front of his home clutching Eleanor tightly to his chest. Carter stood off to the side waiting as he said goodbye to their daughter.

"You listen to mommy," he said before kissing her cheek. "Daddy will talk to you every night before bed. Have lots of fun and send Daddy pictures."

Ellie nodded, though he wasn't sure if she fully understood. Especially since she had only woken up a short time ago. She was always quiet in the mornings.

"I love you, princess," he said as he kissed her again.

"Yuh you," she said gruffly.

"Here go to Mommy," he said as he handed her off to Carter. "Take care of her."

"I swear," Carter said sincerely.

"Be safe and have a good time," he said before they gave each other a friendly hug.

"You be safe as well. We will talk to you tonight," she said before walking to the waiting SUV.

Spencer waved until they were out of sight. He went back inside to finish preparing for his day.

(xxxxx)

The team had finished a case. Thankfully it was successful, but they had two close calls. Derek had nearly been shot. If it hadn't been for Spencer shoving him out of the way at the last second, he would've been hit in the head. Instead he only got a graze to the ear that stung like a paper cut.

Spencer had taken a bullet to the chest, which knocked the wind out of him. He recovered in time to help Derek and only had a bruise to show for it. But it was enough to freak him out. He sat on the plane trying not to think of what-ifs, when he heard the girls talking about Carter.

He sat up straighter and saw Alex, Rossi, and Derek looking at J.J.'s tablet.

"Hey, Garcia just sent us a link to Carter's new single. You want to hear it?" J.J. called to him.

He slid out of his seat and walked over to check it out. J.J. clicked on the link and they watched as a video popped up on the screen. She looked gorgeous, as always. The song was called Solo according to the title of the video.

" _I never meant to leave you hurting  
I never meant to do the worst thing  
Not to you  
Cause every time I read your message  
I wish I wasn't one of your exes  
Now I'm the fool_

 _Since you've been gone  
Been dancing on my own  
There's boys up in my zone  
But they can't turn me on  
Cause baby you're the only one I'm coming for  
I can't take no more, no more, no more_

 _I wanna f-woop-woop-woop but I'm broken hearted  
Cry-cry-cry but I like to party  
T-t-touch but I got nobody  
Here on my own  
I wanna f-woop-woop-woop but I'm broken hearted  
Cry-cry-cry since the day we parted  
T-t-touch but I got nobody  
So I do it solo_

 _Every single night I lose it  
I can't even hear the music  
Without you  
Ah, yeah, yeah  
Try to stop myself from calling  
But I really wanna know if you're with someone new"_

Spencer listened to the words and felt his heart constrict. All this distance between them and she still wanted him back. When the song ended, J.J. closed the link and they were all awkwardly quiet.

"So, that was a good song," J.J. said slowly.

"Yea, nice beat," Derek added.

"She sounded great," Alex said.

Spencer didn't look at any of them as he turned and went back to his seat.

(xxxxx)

Another week went by. True to her word, Carter checked in morning and night. She sent pictures of Eleanor enjoying her trip. He was very pleased to see them both having a good time. On his end, he had requested a couple days off to get some much needed guidance.

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

He smiled as he entered the room.

"Hi Mom, I took some time off to come visit with you," he said as he walked over to give her a hug.

"Well, I'm glad you did. I've missed you terribly. Where is Eleanor?" she asked.

"She is actually on a trip with Carter," he said.

"How is Carter doing?" Diana asked solemnly.

"She's doing great. She's really turned herself around. She did outpatient treatment and she's continued to attend NA meetings. She has barely left Eleanor's side. I'm really proud of her," he said as he sat on Diana's bed, directly across from the chair she was sitting in.

"That is wonderful to hear. I knew she had it in her. I don't like to make excuses for bad behavior, but mental illness can really make you do things you would never consider doing normally," Diana said. "You know how that goes."

She patted his knee lovingly and he gave a half-hearted smile.

"So, what brings you here," she said. "And before you think about lying to me, I already know there's something you want to talk about. So, I suggest not beating around the bush."

Spencer chuckled at his mother's intuition and nodded.

"Well, you know everything that's been going on with Carter and me. You know that we sort of separated because of what happened."

Diana nodded as she listened intently.

"It was assumed by us both that when she got better and proved she could maintain a healthy lifestyle and raise Eleanor we would be together again."

"But you can't let her back in," Diana finished for him.

"Mom, what do I do? I love her. I really do, but I can't let her back in. I don't know how to," he said.

"Oh, Spencer … I am sorry for that," she said with a frown.

"Sorry? Why?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"Well, your father and I are to blame for that. Spencer it's obvious why you can't let her back in," she said.

"It is?" he said with a furrowed brow.

"Tell me what it was like taking care of me when you were a child," she said. "And I want you to be brutally honest. You won't hurt my feelings."

Spencer seemed to hesitate, but she saw him thinking.

"Scary, frustrating, sad, angry."

"Explain further," she encouraged.

"It scared me the way you would lash out at me. One minute we would be reading together and the next you would be screaming that I was a spy working for the government. Frustrating because I had to give up a lot to take care of you. Sad because it broke my heart to see you that way. I wanted to be able to fix it and make everything better and I couldn't. Angry because I shouldn't have been left alone to take care of you and someone should have helped you."

"Good. Now, I want you to tell me about your father," she said.

He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling before looking back down at his converse sneakers.

"Anger, hate, disgust, heartbroken," he said with a crack in his voice. "So angry that he would leave us. That he would leave you as sick as you were and not worry about your health and well-being. Hate that he could just dump us as though we were nothing. Disgust that he walked away from his responsibilities like he just quit a game of monopoly and it didn't matter."

He stopped and tried to control his emotions. His lip was trembling as he took deep breaths.

"Heartbroken because he left me. He could have taken me with him but he didn't want me. He didn't love me enough to take me. He never called or wrote. He never worried what would happen to us. If he didn't want me, why would anyone else."

Diana wiped a tear from her eye. She reached out and grabbed her son's hands.

"Without the explanations this time, what was it like watching Carter spiral out of control?"

"Scary, frustrating … angry … sad," he said as he looked up at her.

She gave him a smile that acknowledged his understanding her point.

"Tell me how you felt about her during this time?"

"Angry, hate, disgust, and heartbroken," he said with realization.

"My sweet boy, in order to forgive Carter, you need to forgive us. Your father and I, we did not teach you how to trust others and most importantly, we didn't teach you how to love or be loved. Carter made a mistake, but unlike us, she has been fighting every day to fix it.

She is trying to right her wrongs and believe me, when it comes to mental illness, it is not easy to fight off those demons. She has stayed by yours and Eleanor's side through all the shame of her behavior. She didn't run away, even when you closed the door on her."

By now, Spencer was crying silently as the truth of it all, sank in around him.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth –" she began.

"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. First Corinthians chapter 13, verse 4-8," Spencer finished for her.

"My darling, Carter is love," she said.


	34. The Secret

_I hope you enjoy this second to last chapter – the birthday scene had been in my mind for many, many months! The song playing on repeat in my car as I tried to make it work into the story. I hope you like it and I hope anytime you hear that song now – you think of Spencer hahaha! xoxox_

 _PS- the song in this is Faithfully by Journey_

 _(xxxxx)_

Since speaking with his mom, Spencer had done a lot of thinking. He had been exceptionally quiet at work and very distant with everyone. He even stopped having his normal dinners with Alex, claiming he was busy and didn't have time for company.

J.J. had been watching him closely over the past week and had become overly concerned. He had been sneaking off to make phone calls and she saw him texting suspiciously throughout the day. She had polled the others and none of them were receiving messages from him.

"You don't think he's talking to another woman, do you?" Penelope asked in a hushed voice, when J.J. came to talk with her.

"I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but he's acting strange," J.J. said worriedly.

"Did you try talking to him?" Penelope said.

"He won't talk to anyone. You see how he's been shutting everyone out," J.J. replied.

"It's not …" Penelope trailed off, but J.J. knew what she was getting at.

"No. No way. He wouldn't do that, especially after what happened with Carter. Besides, he isn't lashing out or acting irritable."

"Maybe he's just nervous about Carter returning home. She comes back tonight, you know."

"Maybe," J.J. shrugged.

Whatever it was, everyone was worried about him. He definitely wasn't acting like himself.

(xxxxx)

Spencer had just finished putting chicken in the oven when he heard the front door open. There was some shuffling and he heard Carter say her thank you to whoever must have helped carry her bags. He came around the corner and heard a squeal.

"Daddy!"

"Princess, you're home!" he said as he bent over and opened his arms wide.

The little brunette ran straight for him, throwing her little arms around his neck. He scooped her up and began to smother her with kisses as she belly laughed and squirmed in his arms.

"Oh my goodness, you can't possibly be my Ellie girl," he said when he stopped kissing her. "You have gotten too big! My Ellie is just a baby!"

He teased as he hugged her tightly.

"Did you have a good time with Mommy?" he asked.

"Yea," she said. "Where Zoots?"

"He's outside," Spencer said as he put her down. "Daddy will let him in in a minute. Let me help Mommy with her bags."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I can manage fine," Carter said.

"It's no trouble. I don't know if you ate dinner, but there's chicken in the oven. Should be ready in about 30 minutes," he said as he grabbed two bags and began climbing the stairs.

"Sounds good, thank you," she said following him with more bags.

After he had helped Carter, he went back downstairs to visit with Eleanor. He let Zeus in, and laughed as he ran straight for Ellie and nearly tackled her with excitement. Ellie's arms wrapped around him as he licked her face.

"Alright, Zeus, let her breathe," he chuckled as he pulled the dog off his daughter.

Carter wandered into the room to pet the dog, who was now trying to lick her face.

"Hey handsome boy, did you miss me?" she said as she hugged him.

"How did everything go?" Spencer asked as he hid a ball in his hand and performed a magic trick for Ellie.

"Good. I got a lot of positive reviews and it seems like I'm being welcomed back into the business without much flack," she said.

Spencer opened his hand and the ball was gone. Ellie lifted his arm and then opened his other hand, confusion written on her face. He closed his hands and shook them up and down. When he opened them, there was a ball in each hand. Ellie laughed and closed his hand so he'd perform the trick again.

"That's good," he said casually.

"How has everything been here? Must've been weird having a quiet house," she said.

"It was fine. Much of the usual, work and reading," he replied.

The rest of the evening went this way. Small talk between him and Carter, while he spent as much time with Eleanor as possible. Later while putting her to bed, Carter happened to hear a beep from his phone. She glanced at it to see if it was a case but froze when she saw the name.

He had made it so you couldn't read the message without opening the phone and saw the name Amber. Her heart dropped as she walked off to her room. It seemed Spencer had moved on while she was away. If she questioned whether they were over, it was clear now that he was not going to take her back.

(xxxxx)

Carter never confronted Spencer regarding what she had seen. She felt she had violated his privacy by looking at his phone and he had told her that he didn't think they would be able to fix what had been broken. It's not as though he hadn't been honest with her regarding his feelings. That being said, it didn't make the heartbreak any easier.

She had been back home for three weeks, when she decided to do something nice for Spencer. He had been working a lot of late hours lately and he was looking burnt out. One Friday evening, when he had texted her to say he'd be late again, she packed up some dinner for him and drove to his work.

The office was fairly empty when she arrived. Most of the office had left for the weekend. She noticed Derek first and his eyes lit up when he saw her.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," he said with a grin.

"Derek!" Ellie said as she ran to him.

"There's my little chipmunk!" he said as he scooped her up and spun her in the air like a helicopter.

"Be careful, she just had a snack in the car," Carter warned with a laugh.

Derek stopped spinning her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you, mama?" he asked Carter as he gave her a hug.

"I'm good. I just came to bring Spencer some dinner," she said as she lifted the bag in her hand.

Derek's brow furrowed as he shifted Ellie in his arms.

"Reid, left a couple hours ago," he said.

"He did?" Carter said surprised. "He said he had to work late again. He's been working late for the past few weeks."

Derek again looked at her puzzled.

"He hasn't been working late, has he?" she said with a sick feeling in her stomach.

"Darlin, I'm sorry," was all Derek could think to say.

Carter's eyes welled up with tears and she tried to give him a fake smile.

"It's ok," she said, though her voice said otherwise. "Come on, Ellie."

"Carter," Derek said softly as he handed Ellie back over to her.

He wanted to say something to comfort her, but he couldn't think of what to say. She gave him an understanding smile.

"Have a good night," she replied weakly as she hurried off.

Derek felt awful as he watched. She gave Penelope a quick wave as she pushed past her. Penelope looked to Derek with confusion. He shook his head in sadness.

(xxxxx)

Again, Carter didn't say anything to Spencer. She felt that this was her sentence for what she had done. Another week went by with her avoiding him as much as possible at home. Though he wasn't around much, except to see Eleanor off to bed.

It was the night of her birthday party and she felt less like partying than ever. She had tried to convince Max to cancel, but he pleaded with her to come. There were already hundreds of guests attending and he had jumped through some hoops to make the night great for her.

So, reluctantly, she got dressed and made her way to the party. She wasn't surprised when Spencer told her he wasn't able to make it. He told her he needed to fly out to Vegas to check on his mom. She didn't mention that she knew he had already gone to see her only a few weeks ago.

She put on her best smile and tried to enjoy her night. She was surrounded by friends who cared about her, including to her shock the entire BAU team as well as Emily who had flown in for the weekend. She spent a lot of the evening dancing with the girls. She hadn't done that with them in so long.

After the entire room sang happy birthday to her and she blew out her candles, Max went in front of everyone to speak.

"Carter, I have known you for 11 years now and in that time I have watched you grow into an amazing human being. You have had a tough road, but you always manage to pick yourself up and push through. Tonight is about celebrating not only your 30th year on this planet, but celebrating the wonderful woman you are. I am so proud of you my dear and I love you like a daughter," he said with tears in his eyes.

Carter wiped a few stray tears as well and smiled at him. Everyone cheered and clapped for her.

"I know typically you are the one up here singing, but I would like to share a birthday gift with you this evening. It took some string pulling," he said with a laugh. "But I hope you enjoy."

With that Max stepped off the stage and a man walked out to a piano and started playing.

"Oh, Journey! I love them!" Carter squealed as she recognized the tune.

"Me too!" J.J. said excitedly as she stood next to Carter near the stage.

"Oh my gosh! It's Steve Perry!" Emily cried as the man walked out on stage.

The girls jumped around giddily as the room clapped and hollered for the rock and roll legend.

"This is for you Carter. Happy birthday," he said with a wink.

Carter screamed and clapped her hands like fans did at her show.

" _Highway run into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind_

 _Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire_

 _They say that the road ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line it's been you and me  
And lovin' an agent man ain't always what it's supposed to be  
Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully"_

Carter looked at J.J.

"Did he say agent man? I thought it was music man?" she said.

J.J. shrugged as the sound of a guitar started filling the air. They looked up on stage and their jaws all dropped in shock.

"Is that?" Emily said.

"Reid!" Penelope hollered.

Spencer walked out from the wings onto the stage with a guitar around his shoulder. He wore black pants and black shirt, his hair wet at the tips from sweat. He looked terrified, but he walked toward Steve Perry as he played his part.

Carter's hands covered her mouth as she watched him reach Steve, who put his arm on Spencer's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

" _Circus life under the big top world  
We all need the clowns to make us smile_

 _Through space and time  
Always another show  
Wondering where I am  
I'm lost without you"_

 _S_ teve leaned down and reached for Carter. She slowly went up on stage and he pulled her over to Spencer who gave her a nervous smile. She still had her hands over her mouth in shock as she looked at him.

" _And being apart ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you  
Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully"_

Spencer began playing solo in front of her. She could see his concentration on high as he tried not to mess up. She was amazed at how incredibly he was playing the guitar. As if he had been playing forever. His fingers moving at a ridiculous speed on the guitar as Steve sang the ending of the song next to them.

Spencer finished the song off with his guitar solo and for a moment it seemed as though the room had frozen in time. He spun carefully took the guitar off and placed it down on the ground. When he stood back up, Carter ran to him and threw herself in his arms.

The room had gone into a frenzy of screams, whistles, hollers, claps, but they didn't hear it. Spencer had pressed his forehead to Carters, her hair creating a small shelter for them.

"I am sorry for everything," he said to her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she assured him as tears streamed from her eyes.

"I love you and I want to be with you forever," he said as he ran his thumbs across her wet cheeks.

Carter let a happy sob escape as she pressed her lips against his. They both seemed to forget there was a room full of onlookers as they kissed one another frantically.

"Hey love birds, get a room!"

They pulled apart to see Derek grinning at them from a few feet away. J.J. and Penelope looked on with tears in their eyes as they leaned into each other. Emily standing next to them with a big smile on her face.

"Dr. Reid, that was some amazing guitar work," Steve Perry said as he held out his hand to shake Spencer's.

"Thank you, sir and thank you for coming," Spencer said.

"Anything for Max. We go a long way back," he said. "Happy birthday Mrs. Reid. I hope you enjoyed your surprise."

"More than you'll ever know," Carter said as she snuggled into Spencer's side.

With that, Steve walked off, leaving the group alone again.

"So, that's what you've been hiding," J.J. said with a grin.

"Yea, it wasn't easy. You are all so damn nosy," Spencer teased.

"So, Amber?" Carter asked as she lifted her head from his shoulder.

"Was teaching me how to play that song. I had the basics down, but I needed some help. Max sent her to me," he replied, before it hit him. "Oh … oh you guys thought?"

Everyone nodded including Carter.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean … I never thought about that," he said as he looked at Carter.

"It's ok, I'm just glad I was wrong," she said.

"I never even considered being with anyone else. You are the only one I want to be with. It just took a little knock in the head to remind me," he said as he kissed the top of her head.

"Well, can I just say how thrilled we are that you two are a couple again?" Penelope said.

Once again everyone nodded.

"Come on, let's go dance! This calls for an even bigger celebration!" Emily shouted as the girls all whooped their agreement.

(xxxxx)

Carter opened the door and moved to the side to allow Spencer through. He was carrying a limp Eleanor. They quietly went upstairs, where Spencer carefully laid her down in the crib. They tucked her in and both snuck out of the room.

In the hallway Carter stopped and looked at Spencer. She still couldn't believe what he had done for her. He said he thought an apology wouldn't be enough, so he wanted to share his feelings for her in a way that she would be able to relate.

"So," she said shyly.

Spencer knew what she was questioning. He grabbed her hand and led her into their bedroom.

"Tomorrow, we bring all of your stuff back in here," he said as he stood facing her.

Both of their hands were intertwined. She gave him a small nod of her head. Spencer reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered on her jaw.

"I've missed you," he said softly.

"I've missed you too," she said with love in her eyes.

He took that as an ok to move forward and press his lips gently on hers. It was brief, but it felt good. Carter bit her bottom lip and sighed.

"I've missed that too," she said.

Spencer moved closer, their bodies pressed against one another as he went in for another kiss. This time it was deeper and filled with longing and passion. He tasted exactly as she remembered. The feel of his hands roaming her back made her heart flutter. She never thought she would be able to hold him like this again. To touch his soft, warm skin.

When they separated she saw the question in his eyes. Without a word, she slid the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground. Spencer swallowed hard when he saw she had not been wearing a bra. He slowly reached out and touched her breast. Carter inhaled sharply at the feeling of his palm gently gliding over her nipple.

She reached out and pulled his shirt from his pants. Slowly unbuttoning each button as Spencer continued to massage her upper body. Once he was rid of his shirt, she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bed.

Carter climbed on the bed first, pulling her panties off as she crawled backwards up the bed. Spencer took off his pants and briefs before climbing on the bed to lean over her. Their lips connected in a slow loving kiss.

"Spencer, I need you," she whispered as her hands slid into his hair. "Please."

He grabbed himself and ran it up her slit a few times, groaning at the feeling of her wet center beckoning him. He pressed himself into her, as he hooked one leg over his hip. He pushed in and out a few times before her body fully accepted him.

They both moaned at the feeling of becoming one again. As Spencer situated himself he noticed Carter was crying.

"Babe, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he asked as he leaned over her.

Carter shook her head no as her hands went to her face to cover herself in embarrassment.

"Baby, please talk to me," he said with genuine concern.

"I missed this so much. I thought I would never get to be with you again. I thought I had lost you for good," she said as tears slid down her cheeks. "I thought I had lost half of my heart."

"I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere," he said as he kissed her gently.

He grabbed one of her hands and tangled it with his own.

"I love you so much," she said as she attacked his mouth with her own.

They kissed desperately for a moment. Spencer knowing she needed this. They pulled apart and he gave her a small smile.

"Do you want stop?" he asked.

"No, please, no. I need to feel you inside of me. I need this," she assured him.

Spencer nodded as he slowly began to move again. Most of his movements were gentle and slow. He wanted to take his time and allow them to relish the moment. He bent over frequently to give her kisses and focused his eyes on her through each thrust. As Carter neared the end, she begged him to speed up and he obliged. She let out a cry of ecstasy as she reached her orgasm. Shaking underneath of Spencer as he continued to move inside of her. It didn't take long for him to follow her over the edge.

"I love you," Carter said as she gave him a worn-out kiss.

"I love you," he said as he pulled her close.

The remainder of the night was filled with tender touches and loving kisses. They took their time enjoying each other again and savoring every moment together. Both eventually drifting off into the most peaceful sleep they had in months.


	35. The End

_Well, here it is, the final chapter! I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it._

 _I want to thank everyone who has read, followed, and commented on my story. I love writing and without you guys, I wouldn't be able to do this! So, thanks from the bottom of my heart! xoxox_

 _(xxxxx)_

"Let's go we're going to be late!"

Spencer paced at the front door as he looked at his watch. They were supposed to be out the door 10 minutes ago.

"If we are late your mother is going to kill me!" he shouted.

"Dad, chill out. We aren't going to be late."

Eleanor bounced down the stairs in a baby blue dress with silver heels.

"That's easy for you to say. You aren't the one who has to deal with the wrath of your mother," he said as she grabbed her sweater off the coat rack. "Two minutes and I swear I will leave without you!"

"Liar," Ellie laughed as she opened the front door and walked out.

The sound of footsteps on the wooden stairs made him sigh in relief. A teenaged-boy, a pre-teen girl, and two kids trotted down. Spencer pushed the door open and waved them all out.

"Can I drive?" Ellie called from the van that sat in the driveway.

"No," Spencer said as he locked the front door.

"Why?" Ellie whined.

"Ellie, you can drive on the way home. How is that?" he said as he hurried over to the car.

"Ugh, fine," she huffed.

"Shotgun," the boy yelled.

"No way, I'm the oldest. I get the front," Ellie growled.

"I called it first," the boy said.

"Jason, just get in the back. We don't have time for this," Spencer said as he hopped into the driver's seat.

"Dad, Madison took my bracelet and won't give it back!" one of the 6-year-olds hollered.

"It's mine! She stole it from me!" the other 6-year-old yelled back.

"Maeve, give it back to your sister," Spencer ordered as he drove off down the street.

"Dad, you're speeding," Ellie pointed out.

"You shush or I'll take that phone away," he said making her roll her eyes.

"Give it back!" Madison screamed.

"No!" Maeve shouted back.

The two smacking and kicking each other.

"That's it, give me the bracelet! Neither of you gets it!" Spencer yelled from the front seat.

The quiet pre-teen held her hand out for the bracelet and handed it to Spencer. He gave her a grateful smile in the mirror. She adjusted her glasses and nodded her understanding at him. Thank God for Charlotte. She was quiet and reserved like him.

Like himself, Charlotte had a high IQ, 181 to be exact, she had an eidetic memory, and currently read 18,000 words per minute. Being just 11 years old, she was already taking 11th grade courses at home. Well on the way to following in her father's academic footsteps.

Ellie and Jason were smart as well. Ellie was graduating this year as Valedictorian and had already completed enough college credits to start next year as a Junior. Jason, at 16, was heading in the same direction as Ellie. His grades were always exemplary and he was enrolled in college classes, as well.

The verdict was out on the twins, who both enjoyed entertaining rather than academics. Guess his genes didn't dominate in them as they had with the others. He got a lot of phone calls about their shenanigans at school.

With not much time to spare, Spencer pulled up to the valet parking and climbed out of the car. He was greeted by a gentleman in a suit. The man handed him a ticket and he hurried the kids inside. As soon as he stepped into the lobby, Carter came rushing to him.

"Sorry, sorry," he immediately apologized.

"I didn't think you were going to make it," Carter said as she walked with them into the ballroom.

"Dad sped," Ellie said with a laugh.

Carter shot him a look and he shrugged.

"I didn't want to be late," he said as they took their seats.

They had barely put their butts into the seat when a man approached the microphone and began the ceremony.

"Tonight, we would like to honor a man who has saved countless lives. Who has dedicated and risked his life for our country. He is a man that we all look up to and strive to be like. He is a man that will always be remembered for his bravery, courage, and strength.

It is never easy to see a good agent go, but we are confident that those who have trained under him, will uphold his values and honor. I'd like to present The Presidential Hero Award to Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner."

(xxxxx)

Following the presentation and dinner, the room mingled. It had been a while since a lot of them had seen one another.

"Uncle Spencer," a voice called out.

Spencer turned to see Henry walking toward him with a big smile on his face.

"Henry!" he said as he embraced the boy who was now his height. "How are you? How's things at the BAU?"

"Same as always. Murderers don't take vacations," he said.

"Where's your mom?" Spencer asked.

"Right here."

Spencer turned to see J.J. in a stunning silver dress smiling at him. He reached out and pulled her into a hug. It had been a while since they had seen each other. Spencer often too busy with his kid's lives.

"It's great to see you. You look good," J.J. said as she placed her hands on Spencer's cheeks.

"You look good too," he said. "Where's Michael?"

"He stayed home. It was his girlfriend's 18th birthday and he didn't want to be away from her," J.J. said.

"A girlfriend, huh? Where did the time go?" he said.

Suddenly a loud squeal rang out behind them.

"I know that sound anywhere," J.J. said.

They both laughed as Penelope came trotting toward them. Still wearing bright eccentric outfits, she was as bubbly as ever.

"My babies!" Penelope said as she threw her arms around Spencer and J.J.'s necks.

She pulled back and looked at the table of kids.

"The Reidlets! Hi guys, how are you? You are getting so big!" she said as she waved at them.

All the kids waved with polite smiles. By this time Will had come over and joined the conversation. They stood catching up with one another for about 5 minutes before another familiar face appeared.

"Well ain't this a sight for sore eyes."

Penelope shrieked as she dove into Derek Morgan's arms.

"How you doin' baby girl?" he said as he grinned.

"So good now!" she said. "Where's Savannah and the kids?"

"They couldn't make it. Hank had a championship game in Chicago, so Savannah took Asia and DJ with her," he said as he reached for Spencer's hand. "How's the clan, Pretty Boy?"

"Alive," Spencer said.

"Hey, we warned you. Once you have more kids than parents, you are outnumbered," Derek laughed.

"This coming from the man with three kids. Did you get a second wife we don't know about?" J.J. teased.

"Nope, and like Reid, I'm outnumbered," he said.

"Well, I was smart enough to have one perfect child. No need to add more chaos to the mix," Penelope said with a grin.

Everyone smiled at the statement. Sadly, Penelope's daughter had been born with cerebral palsy. She was a beautiful and bright little girl. Though she was never able to walk or talk, Penelope gave her the best life she could offer her.

"She is having daddy daughter movie night at the hotel. She wasn't feeling real well, so we didn't want to bring her out into the cold," she explained.

"How is Luke?" Spencer asked.

"He's doing great. Still with the bureau," she said proudly.

"That's great. Tell him we missed him, but send our love," J.J. said.

"Mom, I'm going to go look for Jack," Henry said as he walked off.

"I'm going too," Ellie said as she slipped out of her chair and hurried after Henry.

"She's got the hots for Henry," Jason said as Ellie shot him daggers.

"Shut up!" she snapped.

Spencer leaned over slightly and slapped Jason in the back of the head.

"Don't do that to your sister," he said.

"Hey, don't hit my grandson," a voice said.

Spencer looked to see Rossi being wheeled into the room by his wife, who was 20 years his junior mind you. She was very nice though and everyone liked her.

"Papa Dave!" the twins shouted as they rushed to his chair.

"There's my girls!" he said as he leaned forward to hug him.

"Can we go for a ride in your chair?" Madison asked.

"Take it in the hallway and have a blast. Just don't hit anyone," Rossi said as he slowly got out of his chair.

"Jason, go with them please," Spencer said as the girl pushed the wheelchair out of the room.

Everyone took turns greeting him before he sat down in an empty chair.

"Never thought I'd see the day that Aaron Hotchner retired. Always thought he would die at his desk," Rossi said as everyone laughed.

"I heard that."

Aaron approached the table with a stern face but couldn't hold it for long as he reached out and hugged everyone.

"Thanks for coming," he said to them.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," J.J. said with a smile.

"Alex sends her regards," Spencer said. "James isn't doing well. The doctors give him a week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll give her a call tomorrow," Hotch said.

"Excuse me, but are these rascals someone's kids?"

Spencer laughed as Emily came into the room, wheeling his twins in Rossi's chair.

"Aunt Emily, you know who we are," they laughed.

"You can't possibly be Madison and Maeve. They were only this high last time I saw them," she said as she put her hand to her knee.

The girls laughed.

"It's us! We grew Aunt Emily!" Maeve said giggling.

"Well, stop growing! I insist you stay babies forever!" she said.

The girls ran off again, with Jason chasing behind them, as Emily hugged everyone in the group.

"Glad you were able to make it," Hotch said as he was the last to get a hug.

"Almost missed my flight," she said with a sigh of exasperation.

"The whole gang back together, this calls for a celebration of its own," Rossi said as he grabbed a wine glass off the table.

"It has been a long time," J.J. agreed.

"Hard to believe how quickly time has flown by," Spencer said as he pulled Carter into his side, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"We need to make it a priority to see each other more," Penelope said. "Even if it's once a year."

Everyone nodded their agreement. With that Jason and the girls came back into the room. The girls were giggling as Jason tried to shush them.

"What's so funny?" Carter asked the girls.

Jason shook his head no at them and they covered their mouths laughing harder.

"Great, what happened? Jason did you break something?" Spencer said.

"No," Jason replied offended.

"Alright girls, out with it," Carter said.

Maeve and Madison looked at each other as they laughed.

"We saw Ellie and Henry kissing," Maeve said before she burst into giggles again.

Spencer's jaw dropped as he looked to J.J. who covered her mouth. Both her and Carter were trying not to laugh.

"Well if that isn't the cutest thing!" Penelope said.

Everyone started laughing.

"Well, I'd like to say a quick toast. First to Aaron, on your retirement. Congratulations on making it out of their alive and I mean the office, not the field. Second to this amazing group of individuals, so incredibly different and yet together we fit perfectly," he said as he held up his glass. "To life, retirement, and most importantly, to family."


End file.
